Are you a giver or a taker?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
August 13, 2008 12:45pm CST
My husband is so much of a giver, that he tends to ignore himself.
For instance.. last night we went to a concert. We had very little money to spend. We had dinner prepared for the time we left so the sitter didn't have to worry about feeding the kids, but we had no time to eat. We figured we'd grab something while we were out.
While driving I saw a Starbuck's and asked to stop for a Frappucino. Nearby was a Roy Rogers and I asked my husband if he wanted to eat there. He bought my frappucino, but did not get himself anything because of the price.
So we got to the concert, and the prices there were of course ridiculous. My husband saw chicken tenders that he said looked really good. I told him he should get some, but he said $8 was too much to pay, but later he spent $9 to buy me a beer. He didn't end up eating until we got home at 2am, although he hadn't eaten anything since lunch time.
He has always been like this. He will always go without, but gives me anything I want.
So I wonder if there are other relationships like this. Do you or your partner do what my husband does? Nothing but give, getting nothing for yourself?
2 people like this
8 responses
@rbailey83 (1428)
• Canada
13 Aug 08
i have a tendency to always put myself second, my partner comes first. the feeling of doing something for her, even if i cannot do anything for myself, is more than enough and that is the gift to myself, so see her happy, smile, laugh
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Aug 08
That's how my husband is. He likes to see me happy, because that makes him happy.
@CJay77 (4438)
• Australia
13 Aug 08
Hi! I have the same situation as yours and it sometimes makes me feel bad. There are times he needs to get something for himself but he always gets concerned about the price. But if he saw something nice that he knows I would love, he will get it for me. I remember his last trip to America, before he went there he kept saying that he wanted to get an iPhone and I'm saying that this will be a nice treat for him. But guess what, he came back and all I see are things for me. I feel so grateful for this but sometimes it does makes me feel bad also as I said.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Yes I know what you mean. They forget that we have the same intentions for them. We like to see them happy just as much as they like to see us happy. That is why I like to buy gifts for him as well when I'm able.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
15 Aug 08
I think he was expecting to get something later, but wasn't anticipating the cost would be so high.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Aug 08
I think that in our house I am the giver, I am the one that always goes without so that others can have. Never used to be, I was an only child and so was used to being a taker, having my first child and being a single parent changed that and turned me into a giver.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
This is funny, kats. My husband and I will have these discussions on what we want. He'll say, you decide,and I'll answer with 'you decide'. And, if it comes right down to it, he'd do without for me to get what I want. And sometimes we get nothing. 
Or we might share. He has done without with me begging him to get something. I guess they just love us, kats! 
Or we might share. He has done without with me begging him to get something. I guess they just love us, kats! @katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Oh gosh don't get me started on decision making. I swear I don't think my husband has ever made a decision in his life, lol. Whenever we're thinking of eating out I always have to decide where we're eating. I usually want his input, but he just keeps telling me to decide.
Maybe this behavior of going without for us is just a guy thing. I mean it goes both ways to an extent. When I go grocery shopping I always pick up things I think he'll like, to make him happy, but I make sure to get myself things as well. I wouldn't "go without" unless I really had to.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
It really is funny here, at times! We'll decide to go out and eat, and we'll be driving out the driveway. He will say, 'where do you want to eat?' and I'll say 'wherever you want to eat'. Sometimes he tells me he will drive until I figure out where we will eat, or he'll give me 3 choices. I've learned he always puts his first choice on top, so that's usually where we will go. But sometimes I bulk, like for our anniversary. He wanted to go to a favorite BBQ place and I said definitely not; I want a steak. And we are both glad I did. It was the best we've ever had, I do believe.
@pixiedustforyou2008 (2422)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I would have to say that i am both i like to give and i like to take... What makes me a giver is that i give my husband what ever he wants and what makes me a take is that i also like a attention and a affection...
@lourdez12 (73)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
your husband is a darling.
my partner is the same. He rarely buys anything for himself. If he wanted to buy a new shirt or pair of pants, he would bring me along and buy me something too.
So when I go to the grocery, I make sure I buy him something. He rarely asks for anything. I sometimes buy him a soap or shampoo that is a bit expensive that he wouldn't buy for himself ordinarily or even just a snack that he hasn't tried yet like oatmeal bars or imported chips or chocolates. You can try giving him a massage or cook his favorite dish. I am sure he will appreciate it.
take care. Good health and stay happy.
