When to give up?

I think it sounds like time. You have tried counseling; you have tried talking. I don't think love comes back. I don't think it's good for children to be in a toxic home. Much better with one parent than 2 that don't get along. This is just my opinion.

If you've tried everything you can, and it seems to be no hope, I guess the best thing to do is to go separate ways. There are things, though, that you said will make it hard to separate (i.e. financially, kids), so maybe there are ways to compromise without anybody getting the short end of the straw (figuratively speaking). Counselors give practical answers or things they've learned in school. They don't give realistic answers most of the time. If neither person in the relationship is happy, then it's probably best just to end things. The best thing to probably do is to sit down and talk out all of the choices and consequences of staying together or separating.

This is a really difficult problem, as the people concerned are still good friends. Having the young children obviously means both parties want to give a stable home life to the family at the moment. You don't say whether the male or female cheated - whether it was the one who 'doesn't love' or the one who does. If the one who doesn't love is the one who cheated, I would think there is no point this person staying. Nothing is going to change whilst they are in that mindset. If the other person cheated, and still loves the spouse, maybe it was the cheating which has caused the apathy and the one who was cheated on will have to decide whether they can forgive and try to repair things, or whether it's best to get out. Twenty five years is a long time, and a huge investment. I think most long marriages tend to get a bit stale and apathetic, and maybe when the children leave home, both parties will want to go their separate ways. Either that, or they'll find a new life with eachother once the distraction of bringing up children has gone. Having stress-related illness is another concern - but (if this is the wife) if she walks out with the children, she may find she's under far more stress because of having to find a new home and having financial difficulties. I'm not really sure you can love someone again once you've stopped. Probably the best you can hope for is apathy and boredom. I'm not a fan of counselling, so I think these people need to sit down together (without the children, in neutral territory) and talk through things calmly, if possible.

Hi!!staying with spouse for 25 yrs & then thinking of giving up releationship,i find very strange.i'm sorry to say,i cant understand when u've children & your spouse loves you then where it went wrong.dear,breaking a relationship after 25 yrs is not easy.you have be stable in your life.what i believe is children are greatest bonding between husband & wife.i cant think of leaving my husband after 4 yrs of marriage.we fight & weeks & weeks we dont talk to each oher.he knows & i know we can not live without eachother.i know he has to come back to me & i've to go back to him.the only thing is we trust each other.

My heart is heavy for you. I was there, just like you. Our relationship was stale for years, and I kept trying to tell him that things needed to change. I suggested counseling, but it fell on deaf ears until I was walking out the door. My kids were 12 and 16, and I felt like I needed to do what I could to model a healthy relationship before it was too late. I stayed with my husband for the sake of my family, and in the end, realized that it wasn't healthy for anyone. Getting divorced affected my girls for sure, as divorce always does. They didn't want to be kids of divorce, but no one does. They wanted their parents to be happy and together forever. I stayed until I felt like I was going to die, literally. My health was deteriorating and yes, the back issues you are having can very well be due to stress. My girls tell me now that me and their dad have changed, are happier people. They say they don't recall me and their dad ever hugging or pecking in front of them. That's because we didn't. There was very little affection in our home that wasn't directed to them. My youngest daughter is glad we separated. The tension is gone, and when she visits either one of us, her relationships with us are better.

I'm only 15 but please listen. My parents divorced last year, the situation was very similar. I cried a lot during those times, but now I'm glad it happened. My mom was the one to bring up the idea of the divorce. My dad was against it. He was very bad-tempered, stubborn, and overall a bad person to be around. After the divorce, my dad changed in so many ways. Now he's the complete opposite. Prior to the divorce, my mom met a guy who she's going to marry in some time. Of course, my dad though he was the reason for the breakup. I think he has something to do with it, but he's pretty cool, although I won't let him replace my dad. I'm living with my mom and I visit my dad on the weekends. I think the divorce was good for everyone. This is my case. If your children are young, they may not understand, and that may be a good thing. But it all depends. Just sharing an experience from a teen's point of view. Hope you can find a solution. Good luck =D

Do you think its tough to love some one who had been with 25 years long ? Do you think you cant adjust with some one you had been with some one who live with you for 25 years long? If yes then why your too much caring for childeren? Am sorry to be harsh if your partner is not loving you then what you said can be agreed partially but he is loving you then you can easily shed off the thing which is really holding you back , you care for your childeren they are the product of your love then what? when you care for them it shows you renew you relationship... I dont beleive in any kinda councelling you just do self councelling.. hopw you will understand and be adjusted with it very soon raather than going for a break.. take care GOD BLESS

i have been to that situation before. and it almost 8 years ago when i came to cheat with my wife. but i made myself think again several times. thinking that children will suffer more if we break up. so i changed to save the relationship and to win her back, though we were not really in love or not so in love with each other. we remain and we are running in 15. (neildc @ red/88/1581)

Because there are young children in the house I would recommend that you try another counselor but maybe you should go alone for awhile before going as a couple. Sometimes we have our own things to work out before we can even begin to work things out with our partner. And, yes, you can start loving someone again once you're able to stop being so angry at him.

I am recommending you both get a counselor and than get a marriage counselor... Since there is are young souls in the house than i recommend that you guys thry to work things out and that your finances would make it hard for you guys to divorce.. appearntly there is still some love in this house since one of you love the other... I also recommend that you spouse get some anger mangement to help with the ange problems... Yes i believe you can start loving someone after you have stopped loving them you just need to find the reason why you married him in the first place... There has to be reasons married him right??? well look back on them and try to do some of the things that you use to do go on dates... Alot of people think that after you get married that dates should stop that isn't true you should have a date night...

I'm not sure if I got your story right, but the person who committed infidelity was the one who doesn't anymore love her spouse? is that the reason why she committed infidelity because she thinks she doesn't love her partner anymore? marriage is really difficult to handle but i guess once you've entered that and you felt love for that person and decided to spend your life with him forever, i guess a problem like that doesn't have to end up with you realizing that you don't have love anymore for your spouse. let's just say that maybe your on the stage where you lacked the passion for love, or that you had stopped doing new ways that could rekindle your love. you may even realize that you really love him once you start new ways to spark that passion that had gone down the sink, and may realize that it was that lack that made you to feel that way. your good friends and the only thing that would make a relationship last forever is that friendship you have coz in the long run when you both get old its the friendship that stays though for some love can still be felt if both partners are really that romantic. when you love you just don't stop loving and when you think its starting to fade or when you say there's no more love, stop for awhile, you may may have been clouded by many emotions that lead you to think that way. its hard to find a partner who doesn't cheat on you and who loves you and whom you also love. so go on. try new things with your partner, there's no way people or doctors can help both of you if you and your partner wouldn't talk nd confront the issues between both of you and just talk to each other, be open but also be sensitive to each others feelings. remember love isn't selfish so don't just think about yourself but think of your partner's feelings also. goodluck and godbless and please pray it helps a lot

i do not know, maybe i will ,but it depends on how much i love the person i had ever give up. but uo till now, this person have;t appear in my life. and i am expecting for that day's coming.

i am sorry to hear that .maybe you nay get a good road to solve your prolem .for to find a good new spouse is not easy

when to give up ? when you are not happy anymore. when you realize that every day you wake and feel heavy and fed up. its a life to wanted to live anymore. supposedly, every day, every morning is a new day. a feeling of excitement, happiness and contentment to face every challenge makes you feel alive. its simple : if you are not happy...then give up.

For a moment I thought I was looking into the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

counselling will only work if both parties are willing to make amends and eventually take another chance. usually if there is still love for the partner. love is still the most special feeling that could bridge the gap between each partners. sometimes counselling fails because either of the partners is not willing to take a second chance. for your children's sake you can try to seek for a second counselling. who knows you can work it out, but beforehand ask yourself if you really want to take the chance and start again.

better not give it up .stick together with the one you have been with for so many years.

Its time to give up when you ask the question "When is it time to give up?". You have admitted you are no longer in love, you obviously aren't happy and the absolute wrong thing to do is stay together for the sake of the children, because believe me you aren't doing them any favors. I was with someone for 10 years and I asked my children what they thought of us going our seperate ways. What I expected to hear was that they wanted their parents together, but what I heard instead, was that they thought it best we go our separate ways because all we ever did was fight and they hated hearing it. They knew after all that time, it wasn't going to get any better. They were 7 and 9 at that time. Sometimes we stick around no matter how uncomfortable it is, because we've become comfortable with being uncomfortable. We should never live our lives that way. And sure you could go and see another counselor, but if you already know you are no longer in love, what good would that do? I'm not a big one for counseling anyway. I've tried it and my experience was that you never really get to say what it is you want to say without fear of hurting the other persons feelings or bringing things up you don't really want to get into or whatever the case might be. I think counseling works better for individuals. If you can talk to someone one on one and identify the source of your unhappiness then you can work on being a couple. Good luck Dawn. I really mean that.

if you dont love him and you have tried to work it out with nothing good happening i would say part your ways.. it will only hurt the kids if they see their parents in a loveless marriage and think that later on they have to settle for less than the best when they date and marry.. not to mention the toll on your health which wont be good for anyone to go through or see you go through

Hi dawnald, it is easy to say that you go for separation or don't go for separation because of children and other factors. But you know every action has a consequences. So I think you shouldn't allow stress to affect your health. Moreoever such an atmosphere at home affect children very badly. In any case, you have to find a solution very quickly. Talking to a counselor is a good option but not sure whether an effective option. I think you should be counselled by yourself. Your experience and feelings can help you to take right decision. Once you have taken a decision, don't implement it immediately. Discuss with your friends to cross check, your decision is the best possibility in your condition. Pl don't be impulsive. Rely on your observation and realistic emotions. Think, discuss, again think, then implement. Remember none of your friends can feel you but may share your feeling. Sharing your feeling is not same feeling your situation. No one other than you can feel your situation better.