Battered Husbands... do they have rights too?

They should have every right a woman has. I think there are more out there than we will ever hear about because there is such a stigma attached to big, virile men being knocked around by their wives. If they come forward and really press the issue, imagine the heckling and snickering they would have to put up with from family, friends, and the community. It's almost like a woman who has been raped, somehow the whole thing is turned around it's her fault. With an abused man, it would be like he can't control his wife and he's labeled a wuss. It would have to be a very hard situation to be in. I'm a woman and my feelings are the same for both sexes, if you haul off and slug me, you better just go ahead and kill me because I'm going to give back as good as I got, even if I have to wait for you to go to sleep to deliver the goods. (For the record, I have never been hit by anyone, with the exception of an occasional spanking as a child, which I deserved lol)

Hi! I think anyone who is being abused deserves to be protected and be given help. But sadly I think society and government has never recognized battered husbands thats why no organization or government agency is there to protect them. Maybe the reason for this is because men are known to be strong like what you said and that no reports or complaints have been made. Battered husbands are also not so common unlike in wives so they don't get noticed at all. Maybe if battered husbands would go out in the open like what wives do then society will be alarmed and aware of their situation. Ciao!

Hi aseretdd, [i]You are correct..Maybe no one really think about this, about the possibility of this case! I heard before that our teacher in Socio was a battered husband, he is very gentle and with a good heart..I know him since he was our adviser for one organization! I do know really if it was true but just last 2007, I met him and I learned that her wife left him! He can't even visit the kids![/i]

You are right, they do need an advocate. The problem is most won't speak up for themselves. The reason you don't hear much about battered husbands is that most are embarrassed to be such. Like you said, they are physically stronger than women, so its kinda emasculating to report that your wife or girlfriend is beating on you. They probably think that officials will call them punk or look at them like they are weak. So it may be a lost cause to create such a service, because IMO not many men would use it.

There was a time when battered men in this country would be too ashamed to seek help and when the authorities would laugh off their complaints, but it isn't like that any more. Now when police are called out to attend to a disturbance, it is often the woman who is booked for domestic violence.

Hello aseretdd, I think they deserve to be protected too. Well, it sounds funny when you hear the words 'battered husbands' but like you said, yes...they do exist. I don't have to go that far to look for an example - my late brother was one good example. He didn't get 'battered' actually but he was a type of man who will not fight back or even hit any human beings. He was being 'bullied' by his 'soft spoken' wife. I witnessed how much he suffered, how he struggled to be fair to both side - our family and his own family. And the sad case - he didn't succeed until the end.

Every creature has a right to live and die with dignity. I think just being physically stronger, or more skilled or mentally stronger or whatever advantage one creature has over the other, doe not give the stronger or privileged person a right to bully anyone else. I think there are battered husbands societies- I am sure there is one in New Delhi India, and am quite sure that there must be many globally too. I think human rights are sacrosanct.

So the situation is same everywhere! (chuckles) In India, dowry is a big issue over which thousands of young girls and brides are burnt by abusive husbands and in-laws. To prevent this, a law was formulated which protected women against any form of harassment by in-laws and husbands…all a woman had to do was walk into a police station and complain of harassment and the concerned people would be behind bars (investigation can come later)…gradually this law started getting abused and many vindictive women would fabricate charges either to get a quick divorce or to see the in-laws behind bars and settle personal scores. This has now prompted a section of the male population to demand a similar law for them (which is being looked into). Also many husbands have joined them stating cases where they (together with their aged parents maybe) were tortured and harassed (mentally or physically) by aggressive wives and they had nowhere to complain. Now where does this leave me? I am actually confused coz though I would not like to see any close person of mine (male or female) to be tortured in any way, a part of me thinks that let the male face the music for a change…what’s the rush for change! After all we women have been facing this music since the start of society itself

Your friend should call the Spousal Abuse Hotline, they accommodate men too. That's why it is called "spousal abuse" as opposed to wife or husband abuse. I know many such organizations and all the ones I know would help in this situation. If you have any problems send me a private message.

Just because a woman is skilled in Karate does not give her the right to hit anyone and she is not following the teachings of Judo/Karate. Most of those disciplines teach not to attack first and only attack long enough to put a person down and then run away. She is a bully and should be arrested. I do not know of any shelter that protects men but he should start at the woman's shelter and they may be able to help him.

As you said...women are the ones more often than not that are battered. That is not to say that men are not abused because there is no doubt about it...they are. The difference is that us women banded together and founded the womens crisis centers that you will find all over the world to protect women. Men? well, they just aren't so creative or proactive, I guess. You could do the same thing if you really wanted to.

Yes, I believe they do have the same rights as battered women. But, unfortunately, men like that don't come out in the open and not ready to be made as laughing stock of the society most specially their family. WHo would believe that a man who is stronger than a women, would allow to be battered by his wife? Unless he is so skinny and his wife is robust, then, someone might believe his story. Most of us are lead to believe that men are superior than women when it comes to strength. But, sometimes, some men, will not fight with their wives, so psychologically and emotionally, they feel battered and bruised... If your friend is ready to reveal to the world that he is being battered, if he is ready more specifically, psychologically-emotionally,if he is ready for all the humiliation or embarrassments that he will get..Then, by all means, he should seek professional help...Go to the authorities or the women's desk. They also cater to men who are abused by their wives. But first, he has to have some proofs ready. Like take pictures after a beating, if the beating can be seen physically. If he was badly beaten up, go to the nearest hospital and have them document their findings. Have a copy of those and go to the nearest Police Station and have it blottered or logged. Do not waste time. If he can get away after the abuse, the better chance of having the fresh wounds documented. If a neighbor heard the fight or if there are other witnesses, don't forget to include their names, so the Police will be able to interview them. If needed in court, they could be his vital witnesses and they cannot lie under oath or they would suffer jailtime too for, I think, Perjury. If he is really sure or serious in filing a case against his wife, there are hotlines for battered women. Don't think that they will turn him down. They will be able to help, if help is really needed and if he can show evidence of what is truly happening. They are trained to accept all calls. There would be questions that needs to be answered and they know if it is a prank caller. Best if he just get the location of the help desk and go there personally with the evidence, so all thoughts about his case being a prank will be crossed out. Same with the police, bring all the proof.. You know men, they might laugh at him behind his back, all with the machismo blah blah..They might think that he's some kind of sissy (pardon me)and could not stand up to his wife.. Last but not the least...tell him to have courage and fight for his right. He is a human being and each and one of us have our own rights to live a better life...

That is a great topic for conversation. I myself was a victim of abuse for a while. If you knew me you would think that was impossible, but yes The Don had some issues with this. My wife has never been in a physical fight, but all my friends agree that she has terribly aggressive mannerisms. She will yell, point, and stand over you while she talks, which are all really bad habits. In private she began with slapping me when she would get angry. I asked her not to because I do not feel it is right for anyone to hit another person even a woman hitting a man. She agreed but did not comply. This went on for years; the slaps turned to punches and kicks and the frequency became alarming! Before long I realized that she had turned into a bully and I couldn't believe it! It all came to a head one day when she backhanded me in the mouth and drew blood. I very quickly returned the favor, really out of reflex than intention and that was it. I barely touched her but all of the sudden, I became some abusive monster capable of killing her and on and on and on. I could not believe it! I still hear it two years later how she can't believe I did that. After that incident we had a serious discussion about her aggressive habits and she has since calmed down almost 100%. She had never realized how bad the habit was until I hit her back. Then she realized the Golden rule. Do unto others... My experience is not uncommon in America. Some women think that because they are physically weaker than most men that it is ok for them to both verbally and physically abuse them. This ought not be, but it is. Also, you have to take into account that men go to jail if a woman says she was hit, pushed, or even yelled at severely in the US. This is such a complicated matter to deal with and I don't know if changing the law of the land is the answer, people have to learn to get along.

There is actually only one law that encompasses both: human rights. Everyone, man or woman, has the right to live a peaceful life, free from abuse and harassment. The police can take care of it if he would file a report against his wife - but he might be too embarrassed to. About non-government organizations that specialize on it however, I don't think the Philippines has one. Thanks for the response on my discussion!

Yes battered husbands do exist and they do need support but they are often less likely than women to seek help. Men often find it hard to admit that they are beaten by their wives because they do not want other men scorning them. The general attitude of society is that women are weaker than men. This is not always the case but for a man to admit that his wife beats him is to create the impression that he is weaker than a woman. Think of the problems if he called the police to the house for protection. For a woman it was bad enough as the cops used to argue that it was none of their business how a husband treat his wife but think how they would regard a man who was asking for protection from a woman. We need to change society's attitude to a lot of things. Anyone who is suffering abuse needs help and protection without any stigma.

Its kind of abvious that there are a lot more battered women than men and since women are so vociferous about this than men they get the most attention. People in all kinds of situations need help and don't get it. This is just one of them.

Just like women there are place for me in the USA, but they have to want help and want to get out of the situation, not leave and get help to get them arrested in hopes that she will change her ways and they get back together. Some battered woman places help men too.