Do you think it's disrespectful.....

Hello jillhill. I don't think it's disrespectful to your current sister-in-law to maintain contact with your former sister-in-law. I guess it just depends on what the nature of your relationship was with her when your brother and her split. I mean, if you weren't ever really close to her, then there's no reason to maintain contact with her. However, if you did have a close relationship with her and really liked her alot, then it makes sense that you might continue a relationship with her. It sounds like you are a little bit uncomfortable with still having ties with her. If the only thing you do is send Christmas presents and birthday cards, that doesn't really sound like much of a relationship. It seems a little odd that she would keep doing just those 2 things and that's all. I guess what I'm saying is: if you really liked her before and wanted to keep her in your life as a friend, then I can see to keep having a relationship with her. But, if you weren't that close to her in the first place, why bother with any relationship at all? There's my two cents' worth. Take care.

I see no disrespect what so ever. This woman was in your life for 20 years and is the mother of your nieces and nephews. There is no reason why you should not be able to associate with her. Your brother made the choice to always have her in his life when he had children with her. As adults you can always maintain contact and a relationship with her without disrespecting the other lady. That lady should understand that she was a member of the family and still has ties through your nieces and nephews.

If you like your ex-sister-in-law I don't see anything wrong with keeping in touch. Giving you and your sisters gifts is something a bit odd. You might tell her that you appreciate the gifts but they aren't necessary to remain in contact with each other. Cards are always appropriate. Did your sister-in-law remarry? On the other hand if I were your current sister-in-law, I wouldn't like that idea very much. I would wonder why the gifts.

If my first sister in law had been with my brother for 20 years and they had children then I also would still be friendly with her UNLESS she did something horrible to my brother and or the children. I would think after being with the current wife now for 20 years that she should know by now that I can be friends with more than one person. 20 years is a long time to be with each of them. I would continue to send a birthday card and not sure why the current sister in law would even know about it.

Hi Jill, No I don't think this is disrespectful at all, she is the mother of his children no mater how many years have passed. My brother has also remarried but I am still in contact with my nephews mother. In fact I went to visit my brother earlier this week and whilst I was there his ex wife popped round with an inhale for her sonand was welcomed by his new wife and we all get on. Only insecurites from the second wife would cause problems within our family really. Ellie :D

I can understand the current wife feeling a bit put out by the fact that contact is still kept, but really it should not matter because there is no harm in it. It seems a shame that the ex sister in law has to totally lose touch with people she has cared about like her own family just because her ex hubby has moved on. I do not think it is disrespectful at all.

Sounds like the current sister in-law needs to ummm get over it. Your brother was married to his first wife 20 years bonds were built she was part of the FAMILY and am assuming you were friends at the time as well. She isn't clinging to you because of your brother. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she veiws you guys as friends? So I guess what am saying no it is NOT disrespectful. I still talk to a couple of my brothers ex wives because we became friends so while I don't visit with them they still get the christmas cards and what have ya or if they IM me. Why would it be disrespectful unless the current wife after her 20 years is unstable and insecure and a jealous shrew. You've felt odd for 20 years and just now thinking about stopping? Just mention it around the current one if you think it bothers her. Really shouldn't bother her if you all get along and her marriage is strong with your brother.

Hi jill, For me it's not! She is very stable for 20 years living with your brother and I know she will understand about it..this ex maybe just find a family, a care and a true friend from all of you so she didn't stop the contact, but for sure, she is also having her own life now and happy with what happen!

I think it is nice to have a relationship with your former sister in law after all of these years. She was in your life for twenty years and she was a member of your family...you didn't divorce her...your brother divorced her. I would be very nice if you wouldn't mention his first wife while in the presence of your new sister in law...I am sure that it is very uncomfortable. I was married for 36 years and am very good "friends" with my former in laws...they still treat me the same way they did when I was married to their brother but I wouldn't expect to be involved in the family if he were to bring his new girlfriend into the fold. I am still very close to my oldest son's wives...I never had a fight with either of them. The first one is the mother of my two grandsons and I am invited to parties that involve them and I feel that I am OK with that. I do not like what his wives did to my son's life but I figure there is always two sides to the story. I do not mention them to my son. I am sure that it would be too painful. I think it is nice that you are friends with your brother's first wife. It is a hard decision to make but do what you feel is OK with discretion.

No, I don't think it is disrespectful. Maybe she still loves you all and feels a connection to you all. I would say the card is nice. You never know, maybe she doesn't have anyone else. They say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. She must really think a lot of you to still keep in touch. I don't think you should shun her. She must be lonely. You never know, you may be the only friends she has. Have a great day and happy myLotting!!

My aunt's ex husband still goes fishing all the way up in Canada every year with a few of my uncles. There is no reason why you should have to cut ties with someone who has been family to you for so long just because a relationship did not work out.

No i don't. I think in certain cases it would be better to cut all ties but...just because they cant get along doesn't mean she should stop being one's aunt, sister etc. I wouldn't go and invite the person to family functions if it was a nasty divorce or the family member requested in a mature way that they not be invited. However...I think it is VERY disrespectful of a divorced couple to say to their children i wont go to your grad or your wedding if your other parent is there...GROW UP for a day and be civil.

I think it is too late to cut ties, you guys have been in contact for 20 years! I could see you doing so at the beggining, extating your not wanting to hurt the present wife's feelings. What I would suggest to do is not to mention her to wife, she should not be that insecure, but if she is then respect her that way. I just do not see how hurting someone who has been so thoughtful to you can solve anything.

No I don't think it's disrespecful to send her a card or even to talk to her if you want to. My ex-Husband and I are the best of friends. As well, as my 5 brother in-laws. As we still talk send cards and tings. His new wife is one of my bestfriends now. We live in different states but she keeps telling me to move home. lol. I go visit. And her and I go shopping out to eat and talk and laugh. Look at pic. She has taken of all grandkids. Of my stepson. My ex.Husband had a child before I married him. So stepson now has two stepmoms he is happy about that. We all get on really good. When something bad happens we are there for each other and when something good happens samething. All my friends here thought it was weird. My son. Said It's cool I have a stepDad. As his realfather ran off with a bottle. lol. Not even a woman. So my son likes it. He has family everywhere. So yes if you want to send her card by all means. Maybe she has changed as she did tell you she was sorry. Sometimes people just need friends. Or a card once a year to let then know that someone cares. Have a goodday.

Since there are children involved I would keep it friendly. I think it is important to go good family relationships for the kids. Sending cards for holidays and birthdays isn't really a relationship.

I dont think it is disrespecful at all. I mean this woman was a part of your family for 20 years even after a ivorce unless shes doinganything wrong I dont see any issues with it. After being with my ex for eight years and getting divorced I am still in touch with my ex inlaws. Specially when there are kids involved it is important to keep a good relationship. Some of my exs family has all but said me aqnd the boys are no longer family and they want nothing to do with us and i think that is sad. I mean the kids sre still there family divorce or not. So in short id say she is still family as she is connected by the children. And it doesnt sound like you are too close that it would get uncomfortable for anyone.

I do not think it is disrespectful, because after 20 years I would have hoped that his ex-wife would have made friends in that time. As long as you are not inviting her to family get togethers then all is fine.

I don't think it disrespectful. This person was a member of that family for 20years and although she and your brother doesn't love each other any longer in no way makes her love other members of the family. If it makes your s-i-l uncomfortable to hear her mentioned then by all means don't mention her. I get along quite well with my ex's wife right down to spending some holidays together.

I think you should ask your brother if having a good relationship with his ex is okay. If it's okay with him then it should be fine. If they're not in speaking terms at all then I think you should side with your brother and not speak to the ex as well. You may also want to talk to his current wife about it to see if she's comfortable with the situation. The ex seems so sweet and thoughtful though. Either that or she doesn't have any other friends in her life!

Hi jillhill my honest annswer is no! if you were constantly comparing the two of them and saying how one was better or worse that's disrespectful but it doesn't sound like you're doing that. Your brother spent and substantial amount of time with this woman and you have a bond developed through the children and him if you developed a friendship over that period of time why should that be lost because they fell out of love??? People forget that in a relationship you are two seperate entities, while i appreciate his new partner may feel slightly uneasy or uncomfortable that you are still friends as long as you don't shove it in her face i don't see the issue. You are not telling me she doesn't have any remaining friends from past relationships. Your old sister in law seems nice and you should appreciate the effort she takes to still maintain your friendship, i don't think she is clinging as she doesn't have to, the kids tie her to you all anyways. At the end of the day if she is not interfering in their relationship i don't see why you can't just be friends with them both. I never understand why people expect you to no longer like a person because their relationship status has changed shes still the person she was before she just isn't married to the same person any more. You don't cut off a friend because she moves jobs and is no longer a co worker do you? you tey to stay in contact of you can. You're all adults i'm sure you can work around it just make a conscious effort to not talk about her alot to your current sister in law if she seems uncomfortable with it. The same way you wouldn't talk about a friend to another friend if they didn't really like each other it's impossible for everyone in your life to like everyone else, the world doesn't work that way.