Is a wife a man's 'property'? Does the woman have to do everything for the man?
By marina321
@marina321 (4556)
August 17, 2008 7:15pm CST
I was watching one of those reality TV shows earlier today (some may have seen it too) and one of the men in this couple said that his wife is his property and he has a marriage certificate with the details to prove it - for me, this was one of those moments worth of a frying pan on the head for this man to wake up!
Is a woman who marries a man who she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with and have kids with, then become his 'property' once she marries him and signs the marriage certificate?!Should she have to do everything for him? Cook all his meals? Look after the kids? Clean and run the house? while he does nothing because he is the man and because (and according to that guy) that is what a wife is for and what she's supposed to do? He would not even let his wife go out by herself with her friends but he could go to the pub and leave her at home with three kids whenever he wanted!
I was very surprised that in 2008 not 1800 AD, some men still have this sort of mentality! You may call me feminist, but I do not agree with this and cannot believe that after all the struggle for women's rights, there's still such a mentality in some people!I think marriage should be a partnership and partners do things together, raise a family together, kinda bounce off each other(what one can't do, the other can) and that the woman should not be left to do everything with little or no contribution from the bloke...
What do you think? Is this acceptable? Is this the case in your culture and society?
Do you believe this is the way it should be? How would you feel being called 'someone's property'? I was even surprised this woman could stay with this bloke but good luck to them..
17 people like this
54 responses
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
18 Aug 08
Hello marina,
Oh! what a disgusting man, my husband goes to work and he does the washing, I don't. I do other housework and I go out with my friends and he does the same, women are not mens propertys, they are human beings and I think he needs to grow up.
Tamara
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
He is indeed one of all sorts Women should not be treated that way! He really needs to grow up indeed! Must be a mentality he's got from childhood..
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
I don't suppose you watch 'Wife Swap'? It was on yesterday's episode (UK version)..you might be able to see it at the weekend, can't remember if they repeat them still.
4 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
18 Aug 08
Hi marina,
Yes we do have wife swap and sometimes it really funny how the new woman would really have a good go at the husband and the celebrity is even funnier.
Tamara
2 people like this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
18 Aug 08
there are a lot of men out there that have this mentality. I cant stand those men. Every time someone acts like that I tell the other person they could do better and most times they believe me and understand why I say that - they arent happy when it comes down to it if the man is thinking of them as "property" - its not like they can sell us to someone or anything grrrrrrrr geez that upsets me
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
Shame that there's still a lot of men out there with this mentality...shows there's still more to be done for equality.
I don't suppose you watch 'Wife Swap'? This was on the UK version, it was mind-boggling really how she'd stomach that and stick by him. I hope watching the show gave her a wake up call too
3 people like this
@seasons1981 (299)
• United States
18 Aug 08
no I havent ever seen it - but I have heard about it. I am not too much into watching "reality tv" because of this kind of stuff
2 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
It's good that not all men think like this one otherwise we'd be in big trouble
Thanks for your input..happy myLotting!
2 people like this
@ryzach (1544)
• United States
18 Aug 08
That is so crazy. There are guys that think this way and it makes my blood boil. I know a couple and I have no idea how they think this way. They think that a woman should not have an opinion, take care of the house totally and be servant to the man. I think also in some religions the families believe that the man is the dominant figure and the woman is less than him.
I feel a man and a woman are equal and have equal responsibilities. If one works more outside the home than the other then the one working less may have more to do at their home. It is true men are physically stronger, this is a biological fact, but that does not make them superior at all.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
Yup, makes me mad too People like these make me realise more what women activists fight for..equality and respect is high on the agenda and to make sure less people are as ignorant as this!
Do you ever watch 'Wife Swap'? This was on the UK version of it. which kinda makes it even more shocking...
3 people like this
@Chevee (5905)
• United States
18 Aug 08
No, I am a very independent woman (lady), and I wish some man would come to me and tell me I am their property, they will truly have trouble on their hands, I feel we are all equal.
My Motto is:
I will not walk behind you
I will not walk in front of you.
I will will walk beside you.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
Trouble on their hands indeed.. how do people get away with saying such? I bet he felt really macho watching that back on national TV..
2 people like this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
19 Aug 08
This man is seriously delusional. A wife may have been property 2 years ago, but now marriage is a partnership between two people. They took that whole obey thing out of the marriage vows some time ago. I hope he comes home to find his wife gone some day. That will teach him.
1 person likes this
@udischas84 (330)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I beleive that each and every individual is their own property. Back in the day things were different and women were not as independant than now. The women would do anything as long as that insured that she was being taken care of. Now...we can take care of ourselves and some men do not like this idea. They don't like that they may not be the breadwinner or that you won't depend on him for every little thing. You don't have to ask for permission on everything and you expect help around the house whether it's cleaning or kids. Marriage is a joint responsibility and both parties contribute 100 percent while being their own person. No one should be able to control another human being. Unless that is what they want. This is not being a feminist but rather speaking your mind and if there is something that you don't aggree with something you shouldn't sit by and watch it going on while you know very well how you feel about the situation. Certain cultures expect different things from both man and woman. You have to do what you think is right not the culture. You can go on doing what is expected of the culture and be miserable your whole life. This goes to show that you should only do what makes you happy, and if your with a man that thinks his women belong to him, and you don't like that...you should show him the door. Women have worked too hard to gain equal rights as men and when someone is stuck in the stone age and refuses to accept the intelligence of women then they need to be put in their place. Speaking for all women in general of course. :)
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
20 Aug 08
I do agree women have worked too hard to gain equal rights and it comes as a great shock that some of this stuff is going on even when I know there's many women who suffer in silence
Thanks for your input
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
18 Aug 08
He needs a reality check. God made man and woman equal. He did put the husband as the head of the wife but she also has the right to chose to respect that or not. If she does not there might be consequences but then the husband should also love his wife as he would his own self and cherish her and God did make woman to be mans help mate. Which means men cannot make it without a woman and visa versa. But a wife is no one's property, she is a free moral agent and not anyones slave. Marriage is a commitment, not a partnership it is a give and give situation there is no 50/50 it is 100 percent from both. My husband is my head, I respect and love him but he does not own me and he understands that and I do not own him. We love one another and are friends as well as lovers. We share in the chores and other things as well.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
Indeed both units in a couple should put in their fair share into a relationship and respect each other and none should take the other for granted!
This man must be stuck in another century! or something and needs a big wake up call for sure..
I don't suppose you watch 'Wife Swap'? This was on the UK version..
2 people like this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
18 Aug 08
i think this is very disgusting. how a woman can be said a property of a man? it is very bad i think. this idea itself is bad. i will not say it is extrinsic from earth. but still in many countries, the peopel have this idea. this must be changed.
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
Yup, very bad and very sad that some people still think this way even in the more civilised and modern societies!
2 people like this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
18 Aug 08
That man would be sadly disappointed in me. When I'm with a man, I love doing things for him...cooking etc. IF it is appreciated. Usually, it works both ways...he also does nice things for me as well. They are gestures of love and caring. I have dated those types of men as you describe above. It is degrading and takes the pleasure out of doing anything for them. It should not be acceptable at all. Unfortunately, there are still women out there that will allow themselves to be treated as little slaves. It does kind of make me mad because all those women fought long and hard for us to be treated fairly and with respect and while they made so much progress, it is amazing to see how many women today will still let men order them around and treat them like little slaves as if they have no brain of their own.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
I agree it should not be acceptable at all! It is indeed surprising how some women will stay with a man that treats them like they're servantsLove or not, kids or not, it's just not on
I don't suppose you've watched 'Wife Swap'? It was on the UK version of the show, was very surprising to see..at least he's been named and shamed! hehe
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168256)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Aug 08
My good Lord! Tell me it isn't true Mert! Respect and consideration in a relationship is all important. If both have that for the other and people are getting what they need then doing whatever for the other is no problem. When this breaks down and people are not putting forth but are taking it is time to stop and look at the mix. Not wholesome and good. Move your shoes to another address! Life is too short not to get respect and atleast a 50/50 mesh in it all.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
I agree life is too short to be wasting time with someone who regards a partner in such a way!
The woman should not move to another address, he should scurry on to another address if he does not change his attitude!
3 people like this
@sugarplum9084 (1771)
• United States
18 Aug 08
In this day and age you would think that would be the case, but some women just accept men like that and like to have that title. I am sure a lot of men think it and don't tell their wives as well, but treat them like property. There is fault in the woman too if she decides to be with a man like that. In my brothers case he has the same issue almost, though he is owned by his wife hahaha. I would never let a man push me around or tell me what I can or cannot do, he would be slapped if he said so, and I would not marry him. The best relationship for me is to have equality and shared roles between the couple, any other way just seems too prehistoric.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
I agree the woman is partly to blame for being trodden on if she takes it and does not confront him about it and stays with him despite being mistreated because the man then thinks this is okay and in most cases he has been raised with such mentalities and it's hard to change that perception..
3 people like this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
The wife can never be called a property. She is a human
being who is alive and not an object that has no life.
She is and never will be owned by anybody because she
own herself. That man should wake up from the pedestal
he put himself in. He should open his eyes.
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
Thankyou very much!Indeed, how can a human being be called someone's property?
2 people like this
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
18 Aug 08
I think there is nothing wrong in doing everything for a man you love.He too in turn will do anything for women when they are not well or need help.both are equal.without men its difficult for women to run a family with children and without women men cant look after the children and house properly. There should be mutual understanding,and thers no point arguing like why cant men do everything and why should women do everything.there should be mutual understanding and adjustment ,thats married life.otherwise you dont marry.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
I think the man should take his turn too and not leave everything to the woman because she is his wife! That is taking her for granted and should not be done, period..
It should be a partnership and that is what I was emphasising..
2 people like this
@imkissha (10)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
i really oppose to that notion of a wife being his husband's property. all of us are created equal and that equality should be respected in all aspects. it doesn't follow any rule that once you are married, you are your husband's property. i agree with you marina,that guy deserves a frying pan on the head. he's very unfair to his wife and he should never have married her in the first place.if he thinks that all women are servants to their husbands, i think he's living in the 10th century.
3 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
I think he's still stuck somewhere in the dark ages!and needs a big wake up call..
I hope seeing it played back on national TV gave him a bit of that and no doubt the after show reviews and papers will too..
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
18 Aug 08
I don't think it's acceptable.
I come from a state where till 30 years back...the matriarchal system was followed...and women had more say in matters (even though there were some customs where the women didn't really argue with a man). But basically I come from a state of very strong women and even when the matriarchal system changes, most families turned into equal partnership families (atleast that's what I grew up seeing).
I would be very angry if my husband assumed I was his 'property' and he would be out of my life (with lots of bruises) if he ever said that to me! I do not stand this kind of nonsense and I don't think it is a feminist way of looking at things.
I believe couples are 'life partners' and not 'property'. There are also some women who think in this fashion and I think that's wrong too.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
20 Aug 08
That's what they grew up believing...and seeing around them.
That women are the 'property' of men. I've even had women advice me to the same effect.....that if my husband said so...there's no argument!
We even have teachers coming in at work saying things like 'My husband says this isn't right'!! I get so mad when I hear that.....I understand couples discussing issues at work and maybe a wife seeing the point in what the husband says. But why does one have to come to work and say that 'my husband says so'? Does a husband ever do that taking his wive's name? no! And it then sounds like the woman cannot take a decision alone without the support of the husband and how can you blame anyone who decides to trample all over these women?
@marina321 (4556)
•
19 Aug 08
I have come across such women that you describe and I do not quite get it. It does give the man the advantage to take them for granted as they take it..
@Makena1968 (682)
• United States
19 Aug 08
No one is anyone's property, ever, and that's that. That includes children..they are not the property of their parents. They are just in our care for awhile, to be nurtured and guided and loved, then let go. The man may rescue the woman in some respects, but the woman also rescues the man. True love actually gives freedom. For someone to say they possess someone else, does not mean they love them. This idea that the woman has to do all those things is nuts. I mean I was a wife and mother, and I liked being a wife and mother. I didn't mind cooking for my family, and cleaning our home and so on. Unfortunately, my husband at the time took advantage of all that, and assumed that I should be doing all that, and not have to reciprocate with me. It's just got to go both ways. Marriage is a two way street, and both partners need to participate to make it work. I suppose this woman must have been raised with parents who believed in this way. The husband, too. There are cults out there that teach these things. Very strange for sure.
2 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
20 Aug 08
'Unfortunately, my husband at the time took advantage of all that, and assumed that I should be doing all that, and not have to reciprocate with me.'
I understand what you mean there, mine had even stopped thinking or didn't think anymore actually and I did the thinking for both of us on top of everything else
It is should be a partnership and should go both ways, I agree. Unfortunately, many take their wives and especially the mothers for granted, it's like once you've had kids with them that's it..and now you have to worship the ground they walk on too Many women need the courage to pack up and leave and this one was one of them, she went onto 'Wife Swap' for a reason and I do not wholly believe it was just for an experience..
@bieke81 (1067)
• Belgium
18 Aug 08
I don't agree with this man at all. I'm married and a stay at home mom, but it's not because my husband brings in the cash he can order me around. We have an equal relationship based on love and trust. I'm not his property nor he is mine. Men (and even women) who think like that should really wake up and see in what time they are living right now. It's not the 17th century anymore. It makes me sick to my stomach to know there are still people like that around at this time.
Have a nice day
2 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
18 Aug 08
It's not even that this one was working! He was not... but still not even doing his fair share..a lazy man stuck back in time, she has got great patience to withstand all of that and stay in the same house with him all day long
3 people like this
@stagewhisper (901)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I think that the woman should only be obligated for such tasks if she agrees to that contract of her own free will, without any outside influence. For example, there are several lifestyles involving a more submissive and a more dominant partner... and there are those who still prefer the more traditional lifestyle of the man bringing home the goods and the woman taking care of the house.
Now, personally, I don't care for that at all, and the idea of "belonging" to anybody in such a fashion repulses me. But as long as the woman wants to do what she's doing, then... I guess more power to her.
2 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
20 Aug 08
Actually this man was not 'bringing home the bacon' he was sitting at home all day and still expected all to be done for him!
I bet if she decided she wanted to go work to help provide a better life for their three kids, then he'd have a problem with that too I know this type and she will have one hell of a fight ahead if she ever tried to leave him..he has obviously already eroded her confidence and self worth as he calls and she comes running - breakfast in bed at midday and all.. Sorry, this made me quite mad actually.
Hope you're good and thanks for your input!
@marina321 (4556)
•
19 Aug 08
I don't think the reality TV shows like this one pay that much money as the couples go on it mainly for an experience of seeing how the family live and what they could change in their own family and this couple stood out like a sore thumb of the two..
I really don't think this guy was acting as he's bound to have some repercussions in this country if he was
@mrsgoodygoody00 (895)
• United States
19 Aug 08
No, that is not acceptable behavior. I myself am a married young woman, and no, marriage does not work that way. I don't really know why some men think that way. i've seen those shows on t.v. as well, and they way they treat their wives is really shocking. Marriage is a 2-way street, there is no "property" in marriage. I really think that some people should not be married, and the men who treattheir wives in that way, should not be. I'm not sure why the women don't leave. Maybe they've taken all of their wives self worth and confidence. All I know is life is too short to be mistreated or unhappy. Hopefully the women in those types of situations will realize that one day. No one has to be unhappy in their marriage. If you can't fix your marriage, there are a lot of good, decent men out there with good morals. You just have to know where to find them.
2 people like this
@marina321 (4556)
•
20 Aug 08
That's right life is too short to stomach being treated as a door mat! and yes, these women do lack a lot of confidence and staying in this situation does not help her or the children..
I don't suppose that you watch 'Wife Swap'? This was on the UK version of it and it is quite shocking that in such a modern society, some people still think this way..