My husband bailed out my ex husband from jail, would you have done this?
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
United States
August 18, 2008 5:52am CST
First off I want to say that I had been saving like crazy so that I could give my husband a surprise. He has always wanted to do scuba so I finally had enough money and told him several weeks ago that I had a surprise for him/he didn't know what it was. We get a collect phone call from my ex saying that he got picked up for a hot check that he knew nothing about. I asked him how they caught him and he tried to tell me a road block. I knew he was lying. He lies to me and the kids all the time about not picking up the boys cause he has to work or is sick or working out of town and then people we both know tell me he is at the bar or festivities in our area. He says he has no one else that has the money to get him out. I told him I did not have the money either but would see what I could do. Now he has not been paying child support and every time we start getting it he quits his job and don't keep insurance on the kids like he is supposed to. So I take my husband into the other room and tell him what my ex said. He said I guess I will give up my surprise and use that money to go get him out. How many people do you know that would do that especially for their spouses ex? I did not even want to take the collect phone call and I sure did not want to use the money I had worked hard for on my ex husband. Well he goes to get him and calls me later saying that he was picked up because of a DUI and they got him on the hot check warrant. No road block DUI, I knew that he had lied and I get so tired of this man thinking we are stupid. My husband then said that he did not want to help him because it involved drinking but that he was going to anyway because he has the children to think of. He loves my kids so much that he gave up his surprise so that their real father could get out of jail. Well he picks him up and brings him here where my ex decides to wait on his family to pick him up. He asks me well didn't you get child support they took it out this week. He thinks that the minute they take it out I get it. I have explained to him before it takes a couple of weeks after they start taking it out for me to get it. Well you should have he says they took it out this week. So now I am thinking that the only reason he called me at all is because he thinks I had the child support money to get him out with. So then he sits here for over an hour friendly at times and mostly pouting and acting like he is mad. Don't even act like he wants the kids any where near him during this time. Like it is their fault he is a moron and got a DUI. Would any of you went and bailed out your spouses ex? would any of you bailed out your own ex? My mom says she would have went and bailed him out. Am I just cold hearted? Well the really cool thing is I still got to surprise my husband because I decided I could afford the discover scuba class. We get there and the dive master is like I am so sure that you will want to do this that I am not going to charge you for the discover class. We worked out a payment plan and my husband who so deserves a reward for being so kind gets to take scuba.
2 people like this
6 responses
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
19 Aug 08
You have one heck of a man there. Wow, that sure shows how big of a heart he has for your ex who is useless and selfish.
I would not even bail him out nor would I take any of his collect calls. If I were you, I just let him sit in jail that's all. Your ex don't even bother to visit the kids when he is suppose to, if he stays in jail, then you don't have to worry about him showing up at other times. And yes, even better once he is in jail, he won't be getting into anymore trouble.
2 people like this
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
20 Aug 08
That is great you found yourself a wonderful man.
I wish I have the opportunity to find one too. Your husband is just too kind to give up his suprise so he won't hurt the kids.
I think the kids do know what type of person their biological father is, but they must have some hopes that this will be different.
I hope he does wake up and realize that you and your kids are happy and safe with your husband and eventually he will give up and give you sole custody of the kid and allow your husband to adopt them.
Good luck
2 people like this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
19 Aug 08
See I thought like you. I was not going to take the call and was for sure not bailing him out. I thought maybe if he had to set there he would have time to think about how he treats his kids and lives his life. You know what though I am wrong he would think poor me and why was I so stupid as to get caught. He would stay on a pity party the whole time and really learn nothing. I also thought if he was in jail at least I would know for sure he wasn't coming to get the boys. There would be no wondering and waiting. I was going to do the adoption thing but my ex says he will fight it and my hubby won't push the issue because he don't want to hurt the boys. My man is a really nice guy with a big heart.
1 person likes this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
20 Aug 08
I hope that you do find the happiness that you deserve. I wish that you could find someone to bring you a better life for you and your children, someone who makes you and your life better for them being in it. I think you are right that they know what kind of person their dad is and are moving emotionally away from him. When he started being an a$$ to them my oldest son came over by the computer to watch my husband play an online game they are both crazy over. He pretty much ignored his dad the rest of the time till he got up to leave. It is so sad to have watched but at the same time it was a relief to know that my son found some comfort with my husband. These actions here though really make me wonder what goes on when they are alone at their dads house. Could the strain of being here make them all uncomfortable to where they did not know how to act or is this how he treats them when they are at his house? I saw at one time fire flash from my exes eyes when the youngest was crawling on him like he just wanted to slap him off of him. I watched him closely after that because I did not like his behavior and was waiting on him to say or do something harmful to the kids. I so hope that you are right that he decides to give up his rights before he emotionally destroys the children.
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Just because you don't decide things in the heat of emotion doesn't make you cold-hearted. As long as people keep bailing this kind of guy out he will keep on engaging in self-defeating and destructive behavior. In the long run that is no helping the children involved. Your now hubby sounds like one in a million, but I cannot see his kindness having a positive effect in the long run. He should have listened to you when you told him your ex was lying, eh? But what goes around eventually comes around. Good luck!
2 people like this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
19 Aug 08
That is really how I see it. He keeps getting by with it and he will never change. My husband really thinks my ex will pay him back also . I told him not to hold his breath. I can read my ex like a book I have read a thousand times. Once in a while I will get a fact wrong but most of the time I can predict his actions exactly. Well we can all hope that my ex feels like such a heel that he will straighten up and get his life on track.
2 people like this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
21 Aug 08
You are very right. I think his family has stopped falling for the con and I bet my husband don't fall for it again. He will chalk this one up to a lesson learned and not be so willing to help the next time. I just hope this don't bite us harder in the hinny by him not going to court or paying us back.
1 person likes this
@jillbeth (2705)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I think your husband went beyond the call of duty in bailing out your ex, and I'm sure it's something very few husbands would do. I think it shows great character and he should be commended for it. Your ex certainly doesn't deserve that kind of consideration. He sounds childish and spoiled, but he's still the father of your kids.
So your husband still gets to take his scuba classes, plus he got a free class and a payment plan! So you see, what goes around, comes around. When we are kind to others we receive kindnesses in return.
Your ex may act like he doesn't want his kids around, and he will be repaid as they get older and choose not to spend time with him, even though he may decide he'd like their company. He'll get what he deserves in the end....what goes around....
2 people like this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
19 Aug 08
You got it right my ex is selfish and spoiled. You are also right what goes around comes around and in this case it was good. It is really neat how that just worked it's self out. I think you are also right about the ex getting what he deserves. Our oldest son really idolizes his dad but I am starting to see him pull more away from his dad and move more towards my husband. I am afraid my ex is going to end up lonely and bitter in his old age. I hope that some day he meets a nice woman who will help him turn his life around and make him a better person.
1 person likes this
@irishmist (3814)
• United States
21 Aug 08
You have a pretty special husband there. I don't know any guys that would have done that for his wife or girlfriend. I don't think I would ever bail out anyones ex.
2 people like this
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
21 Aug 08
I feel like you. I don't think I would have done the same thing if it was his ex calling.
1 person likes this
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
20 Mar 10
There is no way in hell I would have bailed my wife's ex-husband out of jail! In fact, I have wanted to have him PUT IN JAIL more than once. Thankfully, he is pretty much out of our lives after my step-daughter told him to go jump off a bridge and die (Those were her exact words to him). I am also thankful that she is going to turn 18 soon, and we won't have to worry about him any more at all.
You should give your husband more than scuba classes, because he is a MUCH better man than I am. I wouldn't piss on my wife's ex-husband if he was on fire...LOL
@jacci55072 (113)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Hi, I would not have done it if my boyfriends ex had called and he would not have done it for my ex either. Your husband sounds like a great man and he really deserves the surprise. Have a wonderful day
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
hi,
I hear you on that one cause I don't think I would have done the same thing for one of his exes. I guess with his surprise working out the way it did though it shows me that maybe good things happen in return for those with kind hearts.
