Help me, dilema here
By candymarie
@candymarie (1368)
Canada
August 18, 2008 1:00pm CST
Hi, I have trouble here.
3 guys, all want a relationship (well, 1 is questionable)
One guy friend ended up being a friends with benefits dealeo (you know) and has mention recently that he's getting up there in age, he wants to settle down (I know, cute right? But then again, I don't want to feel like the "girl he settled for"
Guy number 2, Met when I went out one weekend, he stayed the night, 2 years younger, KIND OF questionable, especially cause I get SUCH bad vibes from, BUT those vibes could just be because he's cute, a charmer, likes to cuddle WAY too much, also ladies, a PRIME hint that he might be a cheater, as well as my last boyfriend was 2 years younger, also a cutie AND a cuddler, and cheated on me and just bad breakup on his part.
alright....Guy number 3 - Old time crush, he was the friends older cuter brother, well baby girl has grown up and he has noticed! He's also recently divorced, (Completely now! We didn't go on our first date until the papers were signed and approved, stamped, mailed delivered, etc FINITE!)
All 3, we can hang out comfortably, prime example, I can read a magazine, or the paper, or play a gaming system, and they would stay and either watch(in terms of the gaming system lol) or play with me (And try to beat me MWAHAHAHA!) or their playing the gaming system while I'm reading, or they're also reading, just numerous combinations I want to stop listing ahah.
we're comfortable, and have comfortable silence.
Problem with guy number 1, Up until now, it was usually, hey, wham bam, thank you madam, catch you later.
problem with guy number 2 - well....already listed it.
Problem with guy number 3....well....divorcee, a LOT older than me, but the age doesn't bother me, I like older men.
Alright,...um so....HELP ME!
Pick one with explaination, say who to get rid of, or even explain why I should ditch them all......or yah know, keep them all hehe
2 people like this
9 responses
@anawar (2404)
• United States
19 Aug 08
candymarie - hi. That's easy. Who's the best in bed? No, I'm only kidding.
I have had three or more boyfriends at the same time. Girls hated me. In the end, I got rid of all of them and married someone else. Which was a bad decision anyhow. By the way, none of the boyfriends knew about the other one, and I wasn't sleeping with any of them.
Guy number one? maybe. Does he want kids and are you ready? If he's only looking for someone to settle down with, and that is his only motivation, out he goes.
Guy number two? Out. Trust your instincts. If you felt bad vibes, don't ignore them I did and what a mess I ended up in. although, it was fun dating someone who sent out mixed sensations. In the end, I know bad vibes from the start, would start me running.
Guy number three? I would stick around and find out more. Especially if you like older guys. So many people are divorced, it doesn't matter anymore. Make sure there are no ex-wife issues and if he has kids, make sure all that's cool (no conflict between parents) and you like his kids because if they are in his life, they will be in your life.
I was very attracted to a guy and he even asked me to marry him. We had religious conflicts which never is good, but I saw pictures of his kids, and I thought, oh, no way do I want part of any other kids. I have three of my own! All from the first marriage.
Last resort, like you said, dump them all. Is guy number 3 too easy to be with, as in are you bored?
These are wild stabs in the dark, without knowing anyone involved in your romances.
Trust your instincts. Have fun.
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
Thanks, that it totally the issue here, I had bad vibes about the last boyfriend, and ignored them, and a horrible breakup that seems to keep coming back at me. I LOVE kids, so if any of them had kids, it would be NO issue at all...I'm not sure of guy number 1, he's like me, he can't wait for our friends who just got married to have kids, so that we can kidnap them and spoil them lol. Yeah, I think I will say buh bye to guy 2, he's not worth it, cute yes, but I mean....meh lol.
Guy number 3, I can SO see a future with him, if it even leads to that, who knows with any of them, but I don't see me being the ultimate in happiness, guy number 1...yeah, i do, buy there have been times where we both mistook what the other one said completely, gosh, that was a mess lol
@rbailey83 (1428)
• Canada
18 Aug 08
tough decision, guy number 1, you will always be thinking that you are the girl he settled for, eventually that will drive you nuts, especially if he's older and you get to a point in your life where you don't want an older man, however not enough information is known about him or the way he is to give much more advice.
guy number 2, cute and a cuddler, but you think that means he will cheat. i am a cuddler, and i show affection towards my partner all the time, a lot, i have never cheated or thought of cheating, although i have been cheated on. However, if that is your mindset and you cannot change it, you will always be suspicious that he will cheat and the trust won't be there. Again though, not enough is known about him to give much more advice.
guy number 3, old time crush, could it be that you want him more because it is an old time crush and you want to satisfy that desire? what happens if that is the case, once it has been satisfied will you not maybe want someone different? again because he is older if you get out of that stage. Again though, not enough is known about him to give much more advice
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
18 Aug 08
grrrr, not helping, making a bigger mess! lol But no I totally appreciate what you're trying to say to me, yes I would totally feel that way for all of those guys, and pretty much the cheating thing with overly cute guys I meet who I might start dating...not that I'm saying the the other 2 guys are oogly, they're both very handsome, what I mean to say, is that guy 2, has a baby face.
1 person likes this
@rbailey83 (1428)
• Canada
18 Aug 08
lol then i think you just answered your own question there, if you will feel that way about all 3, and you truly believe you will, than none of them would be your choice, if you have something like that lingering in the back of your mind, it will eventually come to the fore front and become an issue.
If you decide on one of those 3, however, what you need to do is follow your heart, not your mind. If you do too much thinking, you will overthink the issue and come up with so many problems for all three. Follow your heart, whom do you feel most comfortable with? Is there one that you seem to want to be around more than the others? Who makes you feel special, loved, happiest? Is there one who, no matter what kind of day your having, can bring atleast a smile to your face?
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
LMAO, yes! Another good point.
I'm not used to the way relationships should go about, and heck, I could pretty much ask him anything and he's more than happy to answer me and help me out...as is number 1 *SIGH* Number 2 is totally gone from this convo lol
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
Well I say that it's a tough decision but it's all up to you to choose. Just follow your heart and your instincts and don't be afraid to take the risk. Just be ready always 
1 person likes this
@ngaspero (851)
• Italy
18 Aug 08
Hi, depend on what you want, if you want also to settle down choose number 1 or number 3, which one depends on your feeling...if you don't wnato that choose nr 2, but if you also like a lot nr 1 and 3 go out also with them making them clear that for the moment you don't want to "settle down"...:)
Nun
ps(I sow tat you're only 22 so...wait quite a while...you have time for finding "mr right")
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
18 Aug 08
22 vs 24 yrs old, um, don't quite see how my age has anything to do with this, especially considering guy number 1 is only in his late 20's, but thanks for the opinions. And um, yeah I wouldn't say that to another woman if I were you, because you wouldn't know her medical history, maybe she has that better chance of having that kid the earlier she is, am I right?
And I sure as heck didn't say anything about marriage, so why would I be looking for Mr.Right huh? I'm asking who to get rid of, or to not even bother, or just say to heck with it, and date all 3 at the same time, and hope neither finds out.
Does that make me a "Hussy"? better yet, I will answer for you, F&*%@ NO! Am I stating to anyone that they are my boyfriend? no, I am a modern woman, who knows she's not tieing the knot any time soon, so I'm NOT focusing on that, but very pigish for you to think that "Sir"!
Thanks for calling into the radio hotline, have a good one!
@thelgproject (88)
• United States
19 Aug 08
that one is easy, since it sounds like you want to party:
regarding number 1: if i asked to be with someone and they didn't say "YES!" then i would seriously think about looking elsewhere, you are obviously not that into him so why waste his time?
number 2: sounds like a party and that's about where you are at so he'll do, until you find the next exciting party
number 3: divorced? big deal the older you get the more divorced people you will find out there, that is if you are still unmarried or are married and are still looking...
so in short:
cut number 1 loose, he sounds like a decent guy who wants to get serious in his relationships and should be with someone who will respect that.
number 2 or 3: either one or both will do dependent upon how busy you want your life to be. but for sure cut #1 so he can got get his family-ways on, at least you'll get some sleep that way.
cheers, lg
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
....*sigh* you're totally right with Guy #1, but in a way, I WANT to keep him, and when I find out, by him of course, that he went to the bar and met someone, i would get jealous and think, oh great, he found another girl he'll grow old with...but then stop myself, saying well you don't really want a relationship anyways...right? and then I just scream and go back to life lol.
So yes, you're right, I should cut number 1, but I don't want to lose him. Plain and simple.
Also, what I forgot to mention, number 2 is working away in another province, so I don't even see him much, which again, gives me my doubts about him.
and number 3? totally stable financially...actually, as shallow as it may make me sound, I would definately prefer a guy who is financially sound, unfortunately, number 1 guy, I have no idea how he is getting on financially, he has an awesome business plan, he just needs to put it into affect.
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
19 Aug 08
As far as guy number 3 being a divorcee, that's not a bad thing. My boyfriend is divorced and I don't see a problem with that. He is so wonderful for me. Being divorced is not that bad of a thing if you truly care about him.
If you get bad vibes from guy number 2 then there is a reason you get those vibes so I say no to him. Guy number 1 may always see you as the girl he settled for or just a nice piece you know.
Only you can know which guy is good for you.
@a3sachin (531)
• India
19 Aug 08
This might sound crazy: Ditch em all. Come on, this is not some kinda competition where the winner gets the prize-you. What im trying to say is that there are other fish in the sea. When you find the right guy you will know for sure hez the one. Dont make a hasty decision. Judging people is really much harder than you think. In this case nobody can really make the decision for you because there are soo many other hiddin factors involved that are not mentioned. You know them best. I strongly suggest you include a 4th choice: Ditch em all :) Anyway, Hoped it all works out well. Wishing you all the best. :)
@lira23 (208)
• United States
19 Aug 08
Your in a tight spot so it seems.This is something you have to figure out. Go with your gut feeling on these guys, the older one is divorced, etc.If you really like him, go out with him, but make sure he has no ties else where, you want him to be able to think of you when with you, maybe he is looking for a friend as well, just talk to all three guys on their own, see what they are looking for in a partner and what are you looking for?.. take into consideration if you have things in common etc. Dating isn't permanent.
