Butt OUT....

There's really no easy solution - it will cause tension regardless. First you should talk to your fiance, if you haven't already, and let him know what you're feeling. Perhaps he can talk to her, if you're not comfortable doing it yourself. After your fiance is made aware of the situation, talk to your future mother in law (if your fiance is not doing it for you). Let her know that you love her son very much, and you do appreciate her advice, but you do things differently than she does and she needs to respect you and your space. What she did at your parents' party was completely inappropriate and disrespectful; let her know how that made you feel. It will take some time to bring her around. Hopefully your fiance is understanding and on your side, otherwise it will be twice as difficult. Good luck!

i have never experienced this situation, so i may be totally off basis, but i would say first talk to your husband about it, so that he fully knows what's going on and how it is making you feel, then together you both need to talk to her about it. the reason i suggest having your husband involved would be because if you go alone she may just see it as you picking a fight with her, if he goes, and he talks to her as well there is more force to your words together than seperate and she may take it more seriously if he tells her to calm things down a bit.

I think you will need to learn to ignore your mother-in-law and let whatever she says just roll off your back. You can certainly say something to her (graciously of course), but don't expect her to change. She is who she is and you will be stuck with her for the rest of your life so learn to make peace with that and concentrate on things you actually can control. Also, don't drag your fiance into it. It's his mom and you can't make him choose between you or her. As the mother of a son, I would want to have a close relationship with anyone he is having a relationship with. Try to find something you and she might have in common. Also, even if you don't want or need her advice, ask her opinion about things. If she feels like you are looking to have a better relationship with her, she might actually ease up on you.

I don't have any suggestions, but I can sympathize. My mom is the same way and often says rude comments in front of other people. It can be embarrassing because people then look at me funny, such as getting the house cleaned because it is bad for the baby. She is also down right rude and annoying at times. Top it all off...she lived with us for a year!

I'm sorry about the difficult situation you are facing nowadays. It's really hard if the mother of your fiancee will interven with the way you run your household. That is the most common problem with mother in laws. Talk with your fiancee and tel him about your problem with his mother. I just hope he will understand your side.

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! My husband and I had to live with his mom for a few months before we got married. It was a nightmare!! Nothing I did was ever right, and she was sure that I was ruining her son's life. Bottom line, I think she was jealous. Have you shared how you feel with your fiance? Maybe he could talk to her? If not, I would try the nicest way possible to ask her if you have done anything to offend her. Explain that when she talks to you that way it makes you feel inadequate, and that's not ok! I would tell her that you value her opinion, as someone who has already raised her kids, but that you expect her to talk to you with respect!

tlb o822 I had no mother-in-law problems simply because she lives in another state quite aways from where we lived.I am now a widow, and she has passed'away also. We did go to see her one Christmas and shewas indeed 'a very sweet gentle lady.I had the feelinghad welived closer that she and I might have become very good friends I know this is seldom the cases in other marriages but my only suggestion is do not live with your in laws ever. and as for visits, one week is enough two women do not work out pleasantly under one roof.separate households no conflict under one roof problems.

Well... My in-laws used to butt in a lot, though they annoyed my husband's brothers and sisters and their spouses more than us. First of all, you can't make anybody change their behavior if they don't want to. But if you have your fiance's support it will be a lot easier. If HE tells her to butt out it is going to carry a lot more weight than if you do and he doesn't back you up. It doesn't hurt if you have a good argument to back you up too, like "thanks for your concern but the baby can't reach the sink and the dishes will get cleaned long before she can." Of course, you could always go over to her house and criticize everything over there. (evil grin) Just kidding, probably a very bad idea.

Hello tlb0822, You will have to tell her to her face to butt out or she will make your life hell when you marry her son, just put her in her place, I had the same thing myself for may years, I never spoke back to her as I was thought to respect my elders and ofcouse my mother-in-law. I suffered years of bullying from her and one day I told her straight if you want to come to my home you have to put up with it or stay away wchich will suit me fine, after a while it was ok. Sadley she passed away two years ago and I wished that we were friends. But have got to stand up to her. Tamara

Your future mum-in-law sounds like marie from everybody loves raymond tv show...a darling b*tch. Maybe she is that way because you've turned down her invitation before to live with her, have you think about that? For as long as you're not living with her, just continue doing things the way you want them done, and just ignore whatever her comments will be. Its your own home so, tis your will be done and not hers. Don't say anything nasty as that will only aggrevate the situation, just maintain a "deaf ear" and a "blind eye" where she's concerned and you'll be fine.