Still not accepting she's gone

I haven't lost my mother, but I can understand the fact that you didn't realise how bad she was. When I was at uni my mum had cancer in our home town which was around 1600km from where I was living. Of course I would have contact with my family over this time but I think they used to leave things out. When I was on my holidays I went to visit and I remember opening the front door and seeing my family and then I notice my mum lying on the couch, watching tv with them and she didn't have any hair. She seemed to look so vulnerable and I just thought - how come I didn't know she didn't have any hair? Of course I knew that people's hair fell out when they had cancer, but not one had mentioned it. I think it's just that when you're not there to see it people don't tell you everything, probably because they are dealing with so much themselves that they only remember to pass some of it on to you or they don't want to worry you. I'm so sorry for your loss and I know that it will hit you and you will eventually grieve, which is natural. At the moment our dad has alzheimer's and some of our siblings live overseas or somewhere else and it is probably a similar situation, that they don't know every bad thing that happens with dad - who now can't walk, talk or feed himself. Some things like this are so bad that you don't want to worry someone who is somewhere else and can't really do anything about it. Your mum may even have told your family not to worry you, as this is what mum's can be like. I also wonder if it is worth your while seeing a counseller just to have someone to talk to outside the family that may be able to help you with this - I presume the army has counsellers that they may even pay for so it could be worthwhile, even if it is something you would normally do.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I'm sure everything you're feeling is completely normal. In fact, I assure it. It's going to take much time to heal. Please, don't feel guilty due to your job. I'm hoping your family understands. Peace.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and a loss such as this is bad enough without it being to a disease that is so unyielding. It must be harder for you since you were not aware of her extreme decline. They probably thought they were protecting you, but you might have rather have known. I don't know anyone who has ALS, but I am aware of the awfulness of the disease itself. I think it is very much normal for you to be still agonizing over this. It is not a 'routine' way to die, and I hope you can slowly regain some peace about this whole situation. I am so very sorry.

I feel so sorry with your loss. I love my mother, and Thanks God, she still with us, although she has several health problems. But we ever faced the unprepared situation like yours. We lost our brother because of heart attack, and he only in the hospital for two days before we lost him. We never knew that he has the symptom before. He never talked to us that he has the problem. When the time was coming, we were so shocked and we still feel unbelievable till now.

I also lost my Mother at the beginning of the year, I am sorry for your loss. You will have to deal with the loss in you own way. I don't think that it is a question of being healthy or not. One just has to move on, and time does heal all wounds. Pray that God will help, and He will. May God Bless!!

I am so sry for your lost. I've lost my dad two years ago in an accident. I've nvr thought an accident would take my dad away. I'd always thought he will grow old and die of old age. So, i was really unprepared. Even tho' it has been 2 years, but I'm still unable to accept the fact. Every time i thought of it, it is like putting salt into my wound. When will it heal?