confused
By phisha84
@phisha84 (286)
United States
August 19, 2008 12:04pm CST
My boyfriend and I have been dating since june 2.....I feel like he's far away, and doesn't have any plans for me other than being a booty call.
He only comes over to my apt, I've been to his one time.
He's only took me out three times.
Everytime I go through his town I ask him if he wants to do something and he just flat out says no.
He's told me before that if his "brother" comes over he can't see me cause he doesn't wanna leave him alone when he's 18 years old. And I can't come over because its wierd.
???????
when he talks to me its always very short, and no we dont say I love you yet. Which if we did still wouldn't make me feel any better.
I haven't even met his "brother" either.
So now we were looking at houses because he hates his living environment....crack neighborhood.....and we was going to west virgina to look but....his "brother" doesn't wanna move there.......
1. Why is his brother moving with us?
2. Why is his brother not in college or have a job yet?
3. Why is my boyfriend picking out his brother girlfriends?
4. Why does my boyfriend only do stuff that conveinent for him?
5. Why does he not wanna see me?
What am I? I just have this bad feeling that I can't get over.
4 people like this
10 responses
@rbailey83 (1428)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
i think you need to trust your feelings on this one. just from reading the description, there are warning flags going up all over the place. you deserve much better than the way he is treating you, and you can definately find much better. it's difficult, i know, but don't put yourself through that type of treatment. find someone who shows you respect and love, if you are in a good relationship there should not be any of those types of doubts
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
19 Aug 08
Red flags every where on this one. If a guy really cares, he will make time for you. His brother wouldn't come before his girlfriend. He would not be making plans for his brother to move him. And, the biggest red flag of all is him never wanting to take you out. Sounds to me like a little going on behind the scenes. I would venture to say, were you to show up unexpectedly sometimes when he says 'no', you might find him with another girl. This sounds like he may just be using you when he doesn't have anything else to do. Have you ever thought that 'his brother' might not be a brother at all? Just my thoughts.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
19 Aug 08
Sounds like a no-win situation for you. My instincts would be get away from this fellow quickly. If he's saying he still cares for his ex-girlfriend and her kids, apparently he's probably still seeing her and keeping you on the leash when she's not around. Guys play girls this way and you seem to be buying everything he says. If it were me, I'd ditch this guy and not ever look back.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
19 Aug 08
Yeah, i think barb is right. this situation is just way too complicated. whether hes lying or telling the truth it sounds bad either way, so i would suggest getting out for your own sake. I think its easiest to get out now since ur not too involved yet, and
@Meljep (1666)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Where there's smoke there's usually fire. If you are getting a bad feeling about this then are you probably right about all the points you've made. If he's been intimate with you but won't even say "I Love you"? That's pretty sad. He's taken something that belongs to your husband. Don't let him keep taking. The next time around get a commitment before you give away something so special. Good luck to you.
@flowerpower5 (96)
•
20 Aug 08
The old saying "you teach people how to treat you" rings true here. It's time you kicked this guy to the curb. He is using you for his convience and it's time you rid yourself of him. You deserve to be happy and it doesn't sound like this guy is making you happy at all. Walk away now before he makes you feel worse about yourself. We all deserve to be happy and that my dear includes YOU.
Good luck
Becca
@Kanutchie (343)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
Hi pisha , i would like to say that your very young to conquer this kind of problem. dont waste your time with him. A short of advice,you didnt noticed you have so many question in your mind? Dont you understand that the question about the relationship the you have for him is made you unhappy? right, it means he is not the guy for you Because it means his attitude and kind treatment that he had for you was not fit to the the quality of treatment that you are looking for. If you have many question like why he is like this to me, why he is like that, If you have so many WHY's, it means you are unhappy! Cant you see yorself now ? he not the man for you, Believe me you will never be happy with him! Dont waste your time to be lonely for Life. Why is the answerto the question that you had. why you asked ? Beacuse you are satisfies, you are unhappy, You know what, you didnt find to him the happiness that your looking for. if you really find the man that you are looking for or the man that will make you happy ,No why at all.
That's why Before its not too late , Leave him and search the man that will make you happy for Life with no why's.
GoodLuck Pisha i hope it may help.
@Kanutchie (343)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
you have so many Why's Because You are not satisfied, you are unhappy. Because if you found the man that will make you happy their is no why at all. see the point. If i wear you Search another if you want to be happy for Life . " A man with no why's = the Guy that will make you happy for Life " Dont Loose hope = Search and search until you found him. because you know if you ignore the why's , believe me you will when your hair turn to gray with him and still you have this why on your mind, its too late to repent, Believe me your still young. you must search until you find him the man with no whys and your lucky that i shared this tip to you.
@theproperator (2429)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Phisha,Phisha,Phisha... Why, oh, WHY are you even thinking of moving in with this guy? You're not even sure he loves you, and I'm not sure how you feel about him. You've never met this brother who will be your roomate (and has no way to help you pay rent apparently). Your BF thinks it is "wierd" to have you over to visit when his brother is there, but he thinks you should all move in together?! How is that less wierd?
It just sounds like all the ingredients for a bad situation. I'm not saying dump him flat if you really care about him, but hold off on moving in and playing house with him. There's no reason him and his brother can't go get a new place on thier own, and you can just visit.(unless, of course they can't afford it, meaning you were only invited to help pay rent which is NOT the reason you move in with your boyfriend.)
Slow down, listen to your instincts, and stay where you are. Once your BF and his bro straighten out their arrangements, then maybe you can move forward in your relationship, or you can just move on with your life.
Good Luck.
@myahw20 (1115)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
Base on your story I don't think this relationship has a real strong foundation. It's not deep yet and I don't think it will be deep any time soon. I think you should end it while you can. I am sure there are more guys there that are more worthy of your heart and time.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
19 Aug 08
I guess he's acting a bit suspicious, so maybe just ditch him. I'm sorry that he's being so bad to you, I don't think he is going to get any better. However, he might get better if you just dump him, because he might actually want to treat you better when he realises you're ditching him, or maybe remain the same, so either way you win.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
19 Aug 08
Your gut knows the truth that you wont admit!
I can't believe that you are actually thinking about moving with a guy and part of his family that you can't even validate a relationship with! And I don't know about you but I would find it just a wee bit weird that at his home you can't be around the brother but he would move him into the same house.
I am just going to go out on a limb here and say that if given the opportunity to compare you probally have a lot more to offer him than he does you.
Nevertheless you have allowed this guy to treat you like a booty call and so far it has worked obviously since you plan on moving in with him. Just don't be surprised if it doesn't get any better or if you end up supporting him and his brother.
Accept that you have a booty mate and deal with that or move on for someone that is looking for a relationship that has merit and comittment. Listen to your gut, it normally knows the truth, even if you dare speak it. Don't ask it so many questions, answer the one's that your gut is asking.
