Need a lot of help on this one, i think it´s very difficult!
By diego018
@diego018 (74)
Mexico
August 19, 2008 8:43pm CST
hi, im dating a girl for about 3 months and we were both fascinated for each us. 4 days ago, i went to see her, and we were kissing and huging and having fun as everytime. but that day, she started making questions like "¿what would you do if im gone?" etc.. since she is a very sensitive girl, i didn´t mind, and i told her that im totally in love with her, and that i would wait for her anytime, that i wouldnt love anyone else than her, etc. i think this was my mistake, cause i told her my deepest feelings. But anyway, let´s continue. We continue huging, kissing, flirting, etc, and nothing happened that day, i went home and that was all.
The next day, 3 days ago, i went to see her, and she was very sad, and we did the same stuff, but she was trying to not kiss too long me. then, after 2 or 3 hours of chit-chat, she told me that she needed sometime alone. i was like "what´s happening" because i know that she is totally in love with me. She told me that i was free for one week, but i refused and i kept kissing her and huging her until night, she was acting normal then, and she said, let´s see next week, maybe on friday or sunday. that´s fine for me since i just see her on weekends, but we are always at the phone like 1 hour or more talking and laughing almost everyday. Then after she said me goodbye, i started to cry, and she gave me a big hug, and told me to not be like that.
arriving home, i was crying, because she always told me that we will be together everytime, etc.. and i called her.. i was crying, and she told me: forget everything i said to you, i love you, etc.
next day, yesterday, i was mad, because she made me cry last night, and i am really good with her, so i decided to text sms her saying: "ok if you need time, take your time, i will see a way to not think in you everyday" i just send this expecting that she wanted that i forgived her or something, but nothing happened.
she didnt answer me, then i called her on the afternoon, and we talked about 1 hour about her school and mine etc, she has just entered to the school, im at a different school now.
then, suddenly, she told me that she had received my text message, and that she took it very serious, and that we shouldn´t talk for a week, that the love for me is dying on her, and that she needs to think things. i told her that it isnt a good decisition, anyway, she took it.
im very sad, and i cried yesterday, and im like crying now. i want to talk to her a lot! i miss her so much, and i am just thinking on her.
but now my plan is to not call her in the week, to give her her space, but i dont know what to do to keep my life going until then.
i called her mom today, and she told me that my girlfriend was talking to her, saying to her that that maybe she doesnt have to have a boyfriend, because it´s difficult, to have the school, and to have me, so what i´m thinking its that she wants to forget me, because all the day she says she is thinking in me, we talk all the day, by sms, or calling, or msn....
what should i do? should i wait that week, try to be the man, and risk my relationship with her? or should i chase her, and tell her how much i love her? its a difficult deccision, i know there is a missing piece that i haven´t found, maybe your opinion about this topic opens my eyes.. i don´t know if she wants to have time, if she wants to forget me, if its too much for her or whaT!!
the only thing im sure is that she still loves me.
sorry for my misspelling, but i don´t have energy to correct all the text..
by the way, im 17 years old, and she is 14, i know theres a big difference, but i think that that doesn´t matter if we both love.
2 people like this
11 responses
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Aug 08
I think the girl is too young. She probably isn't ready for a forever romance. And she is probably as confused as you are about her feelings. You need to back off. And the best way to do that is to ask her to tell you exactly what she wants (if she knows herself). Does she want you to call her less often? Does she want you to stop talking about love for a while? You need to know what's OK and what isn't. Otherwise you will end up pushing her away by smothering her too much.
And painful as the idea is right now, you have to understand that relationships at that age often do not last and you may need to let her go.
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4767)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
I think both of you are very young still I think you handle the situation so abrupt. Life is a journey,it's not easy to fall in love not on the right time,not on the proper mind yet. Their are stilla lot of things to do and make up. I don't know how would I open up your mind cause your to much in love. Not by letting go is not loving you or her. Is always IN TIME. No one can tell tomorrow what will happen next. Sometimes you have to embrace the pains and hurts. Love sometimes it's hard to understand. When you love someone you don't have to ask for return. You love the person that's why you just showed her everything. No one is to be blame. When you love you trust you respect and wants the best for her or she.Give her space to think know her priorities,know what she wants,then hurting you in the end more. I remember my ex gf when I was in colledge. Love is not only love. Their are boundaries it's a journey in life and we learn from it. Don't expect to much for now. If I were you just be a friend for now if you love her if you don't wanna loose her. It's who knows? When you love you try to understand even the pain. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
20 Aug 08
Oh you are both very young, and I think this won't be the last time either of you will be going through this, human beings are very complicated creatures and we all keep growing and changing, especially 14 is very young, maybe too young to be serious about anyone, I think you should just have a good talk to her and ask if it is just a little time she wants and say maybe you can both just see each other occasionaly and see how things go...she might be a little confused about feeling going on ... anyway I wish you well....
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
20 Aug 08
There are so many things wrong here that it will be difficult for anyone to give you good
advice that you will take.
Let's start with the age difference. If you were in your 20's this would not matter. But you
have to know that at her age she has just barely began to notice boy's. She, and you for
that matter, are way to young to get this involved.
You are a very sensitive boy. This is not bad except your perception of things can be very
distorted by that. Trust me I know as I am the same and way older than you.
Another problem is that you are way to pushy in this relationship. You are smothering
this girl. She is right about trying to handle school and a boy that is madly in love. You
leave her no time for herself. And trust me every girl/woman needs that.
There is a saying you need to come to understand and then follow through on.
"Give her the gift of missing you". You must do this as you are way over the top on this.
You are with her for hours. You call her all the time. I am sure you tell her how much you
love her every chance you get and this puts a lot of pressure on her.
And then comes the crying. Trust me I do understand that and there is nothing wrong with
it but you can't let her know this. Nothing will make a girl run faster than to find she has
to step lightly around her boyfriend in order to not hurt his feelings.
I am giving you a link to a web site that you need desperately. You may not like what you
read but I advise you to sign up for his newsletters. There is a wealth of information about
this very thing and you may very well see yourself in what he says. I did and learned a lot
from him.
Here it is: http://www.doubleyourdating.com
http://www.doubleyourdating.com/m/dating/How_To_Lose_A_Girl_Fast.asp?s=22176&
Be sure to check out the second link because it speaks to your problem.
Now this is only one of many pages about how to be the kind of man you need to be to
attract women and keep them that way.
Don’t for one second think you don’t need this. You need it in the worst possible way. It
took years of study for this man to come to where he is. So listen to what he has to say.
My best to you.
@anawar (2404)
• United States
20 Aug 08
diego - hi. Thanks for taking the time to write all of this down so that someone can help you. You wrote very well and it's easy to understand your situation, even though it is so complicated.
No one wants to be told they are too young for a lasting relationship. I won't say it, okay?
Remember, there is a huge difference between the maturity of a 17 yr. old guy and a 14 year old girl. I'm sure you do love each other. It sounds like your girlfriend doesn't know what to do.
If you say she loves you, then she loves you. Maybe her life is too complicated right now and she doesn't understand her own feelings. She knows you love her.
You're not missing a piece to the puzzle, you don't like the way the puzzle fits together. You want a steady, smooth relationship, and you don't have it. You struggle to get what you want and you get upset, but I think you know you have to leave her alone.
In the meantime, think about the relationship. How long will you stay together if she continues acting this way? How sad will you be?
Maybe you won't be as sad as you think right now if you lose her. Maybe it's time for you to look around at some other girls. You don't want to hurt your girlfriend, I know.
I'm not suggesting you find another girl, just look around at the girls in your school. Changes come quickly, and big changes come once you're not in the same school together.
I wish I could think of more things to tell you. Just know that you are okay, and your girlfriend is okay, things are shifting and changing. Don't be afraid to face new challenges.
Use your time apart to discover who you are. Maybe you changed, you grew up. Seventeen is much older than fourteen.
I promise you'll be okay. I'm quite a bit older, but I get caught up in painful changes also. I have to face new challenges and I have to be strong and know who I am inside and that it is okay to be me.
Sorry if none of this helped. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. Do you have a friend to talk to?
travel lightly,
anawar out.
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
I am so sorry about what happen to your relationship
with her. She is too young and maybe she was afraid
or confused by her feelings towards you. Give her time
and space to think things over. If she really love you,
she will be back in your arms sooner. let's just hope
for the best.
@shell1986 (405)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Wow, you guys are very young and I'm sure it is the first real love for both of you. However, chances are that this will certainly not be the last time you feel this way. I know it hurts but I would give her the space, chasing her will just make it worse. Keep in mind that absence and no contact makes the heart grow fonder.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
20 Aug 08
well to be honest with you, one problme is she's 14. at that age she don't know what she wants out of life for real dude, i think you need to find someone more your age.
i wouldn't chase her or anyone in that fact. seem like she's playing games with your feelings and emotions.
but for real dude, look for someone more your age.
truthfully if it was my daughter you wouldn't have to worry about worry about her, you would have to worry more about me.
@Bahula81 (13)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Hi. I think that she doesn't know what she wants. but with how much older you are, she might feel intimidated. Give her space! That's the biggest thing! Age might not matter as you get older...like in your 20's and 30's...but if she's still in middle school while you are in high school...then that IS a big deal! give her space...when she's 20...and is still interested...then blessings to you...but when a girl doesn't send clear messages...then more than likely she's not clear on how she feels. Everyone deserves to be happy in a relationship...with someone who is SURE about how they feel.
@eiram25 (1076)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
cheer up diego! All I can say is that the girl is lucky to have someone like you. I think the girl is still confused or she just have some issues and problems that she needs to settle first before going into a relationship with you. You just need to give her some time, and always be there for her whenever she needs you for she might need your support. Don't be in a hurry coz both of you are still too young!=)
@arcenal (171)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
you're two are still very young, life doesn't end there. i guess you should told her how much you love her and make her feel very special like giving her flowers,etc. and if she still tells you that she wanted space, you better give her space, you've done your part and it's her turn to do hers. again, you two are still young. me too i've been so troubled bu my ex and my heart keeps on aching and he keeps on hurting me. but i'm living my life to the fullest and im going on without him even if i know that i haven't get over him.