what makes a bad wife?
By keasling
@keasling (723)
United States
August 23, 2008 11:33am CST
This is a stressful time for me and my husband. His truck was broke down so we know we are not getting a check next week. This has my husband even more stressed out than ever. My oldest needs eye glasses bad and her biological is iffy at best if he is actually going to help or not. We had to take money out of the house note to get them. She needs them for school so she has to be put first. My husband is so worried that we are not going to be able to make the payment arrangement we have with our finance company. I know he is stressed out and he most likely was talking out his anger. I went to get groceries and he got upset with the amount of money I had spent. I understand it is tight but i needed to make sure i have enough stuff for sack lunches for the first week of school because I can't afford to buy the school lunches. Does this make me a bad wife? I mean I am trying my best to save money and I am cashing out all my ptc's. He thinks I am waiting my time on all my money makers but I least I have something to fall back on. this is really getting to me. I know he is stresses and I do not know how to get him to realize that en though I don't act like it I am. I am just don't like talking to him about it because he acts like I am just waiting for money to fall in my lap. I am very lucky with the fact that my parents help like they do though we hate going to them. We can't go to his because well to be honest they keep tabs of every little thing and then gets thrown back into our faces if we don't go see them. How can i show him that I do worry about these things just like he does but i do not find it right to worry and worry when there is nothing you can do to a certain date. Maybe I am just too optimistic on things.
6 responses
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
23 Aug 08
My situation is opposite of yours, I am the one who stays stressed, my husband is laid back and says that "God will make a way"
I guess it depends on who is or was the major wage earner in the home. In my case I brought home the money, my husband dabbled at make money at home ventures, which wasn't enough to sustain us for a month.
So, when I lost my job, (there goes the major wages) it becomes stressful, because he still expects to spend on what he wants, I do without, and he can not understand why I want the spending to STOP!!!!
He will say, it's only $10.00, but when you are freaking out over how you are going to pay your rent $10.00 is a lot.
It's good to be optimistic, but optimism can not pay your bills.
@starjmom (88)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Don't beat yourself up over this. Your husband (and mine and probably many others) deal with stressors in his life differently than you or I. Men are providers and if they see that they can't provide, despite the circumstances, I believe that they take it to heart. That they are a failure. It seems that when people are stressed they take it out on the ones closest to them.
As women we try to keep the peace, someone once told me that being a peacekeeper was the worst thing I could do for my family because it taught them it was okay to get angry like that. When your husband becomes angry like that, ask him to give you a solution to the problem. I have always said if you are going to complain to me about something please offer a solution, it's not fair to just come down on someone for something that you can't figure out yourself!
Know that you are not a bad wife, bad mother, bad person or any of the above!
@JFrench96 (19)
• United States
24 Aug 08
It doesn't sound like your a bad wife. It just sounds like you have a very stressed out husband who can't or isn't handling it very well. You just need to sit down with him and somehow let him know that the finances are bothering you as well and work out some sort of budget or agreement on how to stretch what you have. Like you said, school's starting back up and hopefully you'll be subbing soon and then it will ease up a bit. Summer always seems to be the worse time for us as well with the kids being out of school makes for more in daycare costs (a lot more) and trips to see our family and all. Just try to keep good communication between your husband and yourself and try to ride through it all, it's about all you can do.
@bmf1976 (45)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Know this: you are not a bad wife for trying to remain optimistic! The best thing for you to do is to listen to him when he vents, don't say a word, unless he asks for you to. Sometimes when we are stressed, all we really want to do is talk it out, and have someone who is sympathetic listen to us. Take some time to sit with him and try to discuss things rationally. Realize that he may not be able to view things like you do, because you have a different outlook on life in general . . . sounds like you are a more optimistic, positive person! Do the best you can do for your family given your budget. Would it help if you both sat down and did a budget together? This way you can both see what needs to be spent on what and it may alleviate misunderstandings and arguments? Good luck with everything . . . remain optimistic, that may be what ultimately gets you all through this rough patch!
@angeliclovey (17)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
Well, being optimistic is good for you. Long before, our problems had already existed that is why any obstacles that we've meet along the way, let's just think that it's the wonder and beauty of life. Without them we can never be as good as we are now. Take care and i hope for the best in your family. God bless you. LOVE
@umeshshrestha (4)
• India
24 Aug 08
no neither u nor your husband is bad. but remember when there is a family there are certainly diffrent sense of thinking. u know when there is a family there is a need of discussion between the members even if they are minors.before u try to make expenses on any topic you should have the dicsussion. even a small matter ruin the family............. i see both u and your husband are responsible and understand own jobs but due to the lack of communication between two created this.
i suggest u if u have a talk in small matter too and ur husbands also share the small matter and understand then u both will be the best couple..................
