need a little advice...
By jhl930
@jhl930 (3601)
United States
August 23, 2008 4:53pm CST
ok here is the situation, as you all have read before if you have read my post i am in a relationship and have been for awhile and things have gone on in this relationship from the beginning, (i caught her in two lies so far that involves guys)and she swears that shes never done anything wrong with another guy, and i did have doubts about that but then whenever i was with her and we got intimate i "found out" she had never been with another guy, and i want to trust her because i love this girl so much and i trust her with other things, but here's the thing she is going to college and she moved to a new town and state and the guys out number the girls like 57% to 43% and i am not really afraid she'll cheat because unless shes just that good i could tell by the way she looked at me and the look she gets in her eyes when we are together and her family loves me, she says i m going to be in her life for along time to come and i guess im just worried that she'll get up there and she'll find another guy that she becomes interested in(she says she wont)and i don't mean to sound like im all emotional or anything like that because trust me, you could ask anyone that knows me and they'll tell you that im not at all, but i think i just dont wanna be hurt because i have before and other girls have done things with other guys and now i guess its just in the back of my mind all of the time, and i'm beginning to give up on us because of what i am afraid of, so what should i do, i mean others have told me not to worry like that but still i do, so what is your advice(we live a couple hours a part at least now and its gonna be a few months at least before i can move closer)we've been together six months,so what is your advice i really need some help...thanks for taking the time to read my discussion and i hope that i get some answers i hope that you all have a great evening and night and the rest of your weekend is great, thanks again!
1 person likes this
12 responses
@asiatic_r10 (265)
• Indonesia
23 Aug 08
Hi. The more I read your posting, the more I know that the problem is not on your girl, but is on you. In my opinion, you experience lack of confidence in yourself. You are too afraid to be hurt again so you create negative thought about your current girlfriend; especially if she is far away and you loose physical control over her. The problem is you have not made peace with yourself, you are still keeping your broken heart feeling deep inside your heart, you're not end with it; so you bring it along in your current relationship. My advice is to talk to someone who you can trust; maybe to your parents (if you're close to them), or your bestfriend, or your spiritual leader, or maybe an expert (psychologist); just pick anyone you feel comfort on sharing your problem with them.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180699)
• United States
23 Aug 08
Basically what's going to happen is going to happen. I would just try to make your time together as special as possible and do the things for her that you know that she likes. I would just try to do nice little things for her, surprise her and just speak her language of love. Tell her you always want to support her emotionally and just be the best bf you can be. Do not smother, but let her know you are always there for her.
1 person likes this
@sang2k2 (1833)
• India
24 Aug 08
hey,
i dunno much about u and ur relation as i havent much read about ur discussions.
the cause of ur concern n worry is right and any body standing in ur shoes would think about the same thing (whether one has experienced a betrayal or no).
if u are scarred of any thing in a relation and are insecured about your partner dont ever enter a relation again.
Trust your partner if u really love her and trust your love , dont hold your love very tight and firm leave it loose let it breathe , survive on its own.
Love means feeling secured in the others arm, feeling that peace n calm juz by talking to the other, sharing things with each other.
try and stop thinking about it dont burden your mind with these feelings live your life n let her live her life trust your self that at the end of the day if she is unhappy or sad or very happy she would come to you...only.
take care. all the best.
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
29 Nov 08
So now that four months have passed since you posted this discussion, are the two of you
still together or did you end up apart? Is it working out for you with her living so
far away or has she found someone else?
Sometimes things happen in our lives and at the time we think it is the end of the world,
but then something or someone else comes into our lives and it all works out for the
best. I hope that is the case with you, if you ended up broken up with her. Or maybe
she has learned her lessons in life and is faithful and loving to you, if you are still
together.
Alrighty then, talk to you later my friend,
Have a good day, Chris 
@sweetyethot (1737)
• China
24 Aug 08
i think ture love is much more stronger than you think.the other girls who had left you before dont deserve your love.so ,be confident,show her your tendest love and your sincere trust.make her believe you the are only one for her and no matter how far she travels, you are always there for her. before you apart, do some meaningful together, i mean , something her likes and also you both enjoy.i guess, you have a lot to do.so ,my advice is to do something rather than worry about some thing that happen in the future.
best wishes.
@mitrakos4 (41)
• United States
23 Aug 08
Hey I know how your feeling and i do agree with the first response, maybe not to the extent of a psychiatrist, but someone you can talk to and trust. I know many other people have told you this too, but you have to trust her. You two have been together six months and if you show trust to her, she'll see this and most likely be a good girl ;) Don't give up on her. What's in the past is in the past. Stick with it :) So im guessing she's around 18, how old are you?
@mitrakos4 (41)
• United States
24 Aug 08
yeah your getting some good suggestions :) stick with it and support her bud :)
@harichandan (248)
• India
24 Aug 08
See If I am were you ,then I would like to think what would happen if she ditches me?(the worst scenario that may happen). I will feel very sad and many other things will happen. But the thing is if one person ditches you , then you are not guilty on your part , you tried your best, so not to bother !!!!
It is as simple as it is...
You could not believe that I faced the similar type situation earlier, I treated myself like that only.. People will say many things to you when a girl leaves you,but eventually when they believe that guy was right , they look him with respect ..
therefore don't worry for anything if she really loves you she will never leave you.. swear..
@rosedust82 (2066)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
Hi there... I guess you have your own reason to feel that way but as a girl, I would want my partner to trust in me. Maybe the reason why she "lied" to you was to protect you from being hurt. You should trust your girl. If she really loves you, she will not do anything bad. Besides, this is the stage where you'll be able to really test the relationship. This is where trust will come into place. Even if your girlfriend meets other guys, if she knows how good you've been to her and how much she knows you love her and that she loves you, then those guys will always be "others". 
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
Hello jhl930
to be honest with you, I think the problem is with you. You worry too much about everything. I know, that when she is far, there would be a bigger tendency that she fall in live with another guy. Just in case you don't realize, even if you are around with her, if she found someone new, you cant do anything about it. Being near is not an assurance that she would never find someone else. Didn't you ever ask yourself if your girlfriend is asking the same question? What if you and not her fall in love with another?
Every single person on earth worries about something, fear about something... but don't let worries and fears eat you alive. What you acn do is, spend a good time with your girlfriend, show her how much you love her, show her that you trust her, let her see that you are far better than anyone else, that nobody could love as much as you do. This way, she will love you more, be happy with you, contented with you.
If in case, what you fear really happen, then charge it to experience... you deserve someone better. At least you know that you have given her everything that you got, its her loss, not yours.
@SydneyHazelton (4586)
• Singapore
24 Aug 08
I'm not going to ask you not to worry. To a certain extent, we all get a little worried about our partners. My hubby and I met before I went to college and before he went to a technical school, so I guess both of us would have a chance to meet other people. But if your love is true and focused, you will have to trust that she will not be up with other guys. If she really does go out with other guys, then I guess you guys are not meant to be. I wonder if you still will worry when she goes out to work later on after college. There will be so many opportunities for her to meet other guys then as well. I guess, in love we have to learn to let go a little. When you're apart, ask her what she has been up to and keep the communication going.
@4my1nonly (352)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
hi jhl930, i know what you've feeling right now cause i also encounter that kind of feeling, but if she said "trust me", show to her that you trust her, just always think positive,,
Before i always think of negative things will happen when my husband is not around, when he was at team building or at work, cause i also have a traumatic situation about that matter,but to think of it I'm just the one who's making my problem or making my feelings difficult. Its really hard to fight that kind of feelings.
Just be positive,love and keep trusting her.
@toiletpaper (16)
•
24 Aug 08
ok i have read it and forget about lack of confidence and that why do you not travel to see eachother or you make an arrangement to meet up with her,forget about affairs can you image a woman in love not seeing her man for 6months thats like torture.you either need to build a more rewarding caring for eachother relationship and get to see eachother more no matter who lives where.be practical and caring with eachother rather than suspicious so that the relationship blossoms and not frizzles.
