Humiliating? Child abuse? Or just old fashioned parenting?

It was the way it was back then, although to be left with bruises is harsh so today would be classed as abuse. I had a few good hidings myself but I cannot recall being left with bruises. I know that when my parents talk to me of how it was for them, it shocks me sometimes what they say, especially my hubbys dad. When he tells his stories he laughs about it, and he says it made him what he was because he respected his parents too much to be naughty. My dad is the same, he laughs about it so it was the way it was back then but to us now we see it as a form of abuse.

Leaving bruises is extreme. I remember a caretaker that left switch marks on my legs when I was little. My mom was livid about it and fired the woman. If I remember right it was over cleaning up the basement and we weren't fast enough to suit her.

‘he had done the best he knew how to…’ exactly the way I can now describe my mom’s behaviour towards me and try and shrug it off. In her violent anger and zeal to discipline me, she even kicked me down on the floor and beat me till I begged her not to kill me and this was when I was a child…this stopped once I reached my puberty around 9 and then the abuses were verbal with the odd slaps and threats (which were no less humiliating). This was her way of disciplining her only child coz she was brought up no better… she always said that her dad (my grandpa) carried a cane around and never hesitated to bring it down on his 11 children and that only because of such strict discipline have my mom and her siblings been able to make something out of life. It is abuse no doubt about it. I am all for good old discipline, I never support ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ but a slap or a boxing of the ears should be enough if verbal doses fail. Belting or kicking a child is definitely torture for whatever be the reasons.

While everyone will interpret this differently I say no. Not abusive. My grandma had three things that she used regularly one was the back of her hand the other was the belt and the last was the switching stick. I remember plenty of summers that were spent with bruised buts and legs. But I promise you that I usually did not do those things again.

Of course it's abusive!!! spanking a 13 year old with a belt over a toy is nothing but bad parenting i can understand if he just gave you a time-out or maybe spank you in the sense a light tap on the bottom but never ever with a belt. As soon as a person uses an object to hit another person It's considered abuse whether it leaves a bruise or not. (though i don't see anything humiliating about it[am a girl]) But hitting a child is uncalled for and should only be use as a last resort. If you wish to teach a child a lesson violence is never the answer as children learn best from their parents [people they are with 24/7] thats how children start fights. they learn violence

Had you ever been spanked before? Had you not been spanked before, 13 years old was probably a bad time to start. Especially for something as simple as a disagreement over a toy. Seems that you were not an abused child. Had you been abused by your father, this one incident would probably not stand out in your head. It is unfortunate if this has caused you lasting trust issues, but I find it difficult to believe that an otherwise loving relationship would be so badly damaged by one incident. How was your relationship with him, other than this spanking?

I would say a spanking that leaves bruises is too harsh and perhaps the situation would have been better dealt with in a different manner. But not all situations involving children can be. I am a parent that believes in spanking when it is needed. I also have to wonder if some of the issues you have could be with the sibling, perhaps a little jealousy because the younger sibling usually is babied more and parents tend to punish the older child without hearing both sides of the story. I know my husband who was an only child does not understand that whole concept and I have to remind him often that the youngest child is not always the one that is right.

I used to be spanked a lot right to the age of 15 and yes it is humiliating, very, I was not a naughty Child I just was not the favorite lol my Brother was, in them Days they did not class it as abuse though even though when Parents mark us it should have been, today it is different, I very rarely smacked my Children, when I did it was more a tap, my Ex Husband took the Belt to them once and I told him if he ever did that again I would hit him with one, I was more the type to sit them down and talk them through it lol explain to them why it was wrong

I was spanked by my mother until I was fifteen and I think it affested my self esteem, and my relating with other people, negatively. She used to overdo it, and sometimes with the neighbours watching (grew up in an estate) and I would feel like dying inside.It also affected my relationship with my mother which now is at best strained. Myself, I won't spank my kids and advise against it.

I would consider any hitting of a child as abuse. What are you teaching with that? That might is right? That the child should be afraid of you? That child will never tell you anything; you will have destroyed the child's trust in adults. And you will leave permanent emotional scars. It is wrong to hit anyone; what good does it do?

First off I'd like to say that I am 42 and child abuse was just defined a few years ago...lol..by that I mean that we got "spanked" primarily because that was what our parents knew, thats what their parents did. Thats all they knew. I can even remember a time in my life when your teacher or minister or neighbor would do the same thing if you did something wrong. It wasn't until much later that someone decided that this was child abuse. And spankings didn't have an age limit back then either. As long as you were under the same roof as your parents you were subject to a spanking. Funny thing but I can remember when society first started to deem spankings as child abuse...was that funny! It was funny because I remember my parents saying that as long as they had to take care of me, that no agency or government was going to tell them how they would discipline there kids. Again it was all they knew. But I remember thinking that I had already had my last spanking. As a matter of fact I remember telling my dad at the age of 12 that I had gotten my last spanking because of what I heard. Well he politely informed me that whoever I planned on reporting him to had better have room and board for me...lol To make a long story short, being on the receiving end I too bought into the fact that spankings were abusive and that I would NEVER discipline my child in that manner and felt it was totally not necessary. I must tell you though that it was at some point after my parents stopped disciplining us with spankings that I wished for them as opposed to the long drawn out verbal spankings. There were times when I wanted to ask them for a spanking, as the pain and suffering from that was over in minutes but the discussions, accusations, arguements and what I equated to verbal abuse went on for what seemed forever! And if given the choice I would have easily chosen physical over verbal any day of the week. As it seemed that the physical was just that and over. The verbal part of it rested in my mind for God only knows how long and had a tendency to just float around in my head. Remember that I had vowed as a child that I would never discipline my child in that manner. Joke of the day! I was blessed with a boy that is very non-chalant, and there have been a couple of times in his short life of 9 years that the only way I could get his attention on a matter was physically, by spanking. Granted not with a belt and not causing bruising, but nevertheless by spanking. It was the only way that I could get his attention at the time. I am always torn at what message I am sending him, because I preach to him that things can normally be handled in a non-violent manner but then at the same time basically say to him through my actions that if you don't do what I want them I will react in the same manner that I ask you not to. Anyway for the sake of time and words (after all of that...lol) I think that it was just all our parents and their parents knew..a sign of the times. And by today's standards and definitions its child abuse.

I'm no advocate of spanking with belts, switches, whatever, but I do believe there's a time and a place for spanking, although I don't think for teasing would be a reason. Life endangering circumstances...probably. At 13, humiliation sometimes is the only way to get children to shape up. My kids are not this old yet, but I do believe that when they do get that old, if the situation warrants it, they will be receiving a spanking. At 13 though, you are also old enough to reason with, and have a logical discussion, so I think that probably would have been the way to go in this situation.

I realize that spankings with a belt that left bruises was a more common practice back then, but that still doesn't make it right, and I still would call it abusive.

I would say thats just how they did it back then it doesnt reach abuse until your actually just like punching the child or locking and tying it up

I believe that kids the age that you were should have been talked to instead of spanked. But then you should have known better than to torment you little sister too. When I was about 12 I did something that my aunt thought was wrong.I don't remember what it was but she left me to stew for a few hours. I remember thinking that I wished she would just spank me and get it over with. I believe in spanking but there is an age that it should stop too. the age I stopped spanking my kids was around 8 or 9. and that should depend on the crime.By then you should be able to reason with the kids.

i was once did something wrong and i wasn't sure what i did but the principal called me in and lectured me for three to four hours and i was terrified so my point is yes girls and boys should be treated different because a good beating would of made me feel that that was a fit punishment instead of terrorism tactics but girls maybe should be grounded or something who knows