do you think its mentally healthy..

I dont see how this could possibly be mentally healthy. It would seem to be damaging to the biological parent as well as the child born into the situation. Eventually the truth would find it's way out and that could put a huge gap in the family. It could be confusing and even make the child angry once he/she found out. Plus I can't phathom the thought of lying to my own child so it would be stressful on the parent as well. it is a responsibility that is the child true parents, not something for the grandparents to decide, just my thoughts though. hope it helps.

That will cause many problems and the child will be not feeling good when he/she came to know it, even if they are grown up they cannot accept the thing, for if we take ourselves at a certain stage if we are told like our parents who have raised us is not the one who truly is .. just imagine how will we feel? I would really feel down and i feel like crying i truly cant accept any new person as my parents and i just cant digest the situation.. I dont know how those poor childeren who are pushed to those situations really bear it..!!!

It certainly sounds like an akward situation to be a part of but the mother of a child has to choose to give a baby up for adoption. The parents of the mother just cant say "we're taking the baby"..it is a choice. I think adopting it out to the grandparents is a smart idea, atleast you know where the child is going to be and that you can trust the people it is going to. It can become mentally unhealthy if the birth mother doesn't come to terms with the choice she made.Overall i think it can be a healthy situation if the right steps are taken.

This can cause a psychological turmoil to all the people involve. It's hard to live freely while secrets are kept within your family or circle of relatives. It would always be better to set the truth free and let all settle down peacefully.

I read your discussions many time but my mind did not accept it. I guess its mentally un-healthy to have a situation like this.

I really didn't think that people still did that. I can remember that happening several years ago when there was more of a stigma attatched to young, unwed mothers but didn't realize it was still going on. I know a few people that had happened to and fortunately they were quite well adjusted before they found out so once they recovered from the shock of it all,they learned to accept it and moved on. It would be hard I'm sure, but many people have had to face worse in their lives. If their parents (grandparents) gave them a decent life, better than their actual parent were able to then the worst they would have to deal with is the lie...Life gives us some hard challenges sometimes but it makes us stronger and better able to help others when the need arises.

My husband and I know a couple who did this, and the boy is now a teenager. It was a bit of a shocker for the kid, and he was not told in a healthy way, as it was during a time of real stress for the family, and mother and grandmother were having some major issues. I would be really messed up in the head if I suddenly realized that I was my sister's daughter.

I'm sure it could, but there is so much out there that can mess someone up, this would be just one of many different circumstances. There is no way someone could tell what would be best for that child without knowing a whole lot more information. It could very well be the best thing to do under their circumstances, but there are so many factors involved, there is no way to tell. People do what they have to do.

I don't really have a problem with the situation, I would have a problem with them lying about it. As with adoption in general I think that it should always be told to the child, regardless of how or why they were adopted. I would much rather have the child find this out from me rather than on the internet or by mistake. I think in short order we just want to know that somebody loved us enough to raise us, and titles would not mean a whole lot if this is the case.

I think this would be a truly hard position to be in as a family. I think that it's best for the baby, as young girls are definitely not ready to be mothers. I also think it benefits the young mother because it will allow her to still 'live' and not have to give up things because she has to be a mother. In cases where the mother is not mentally stable, I think it's very important, and I wish it would always be the case. I would do it if my daughter gets pregnant and has a child at a young age. I think the only time this would come into play is when the mother and child are older, and if the mother has regrets, or wants to fight for the child back. That would be unfortunate for all involved, and open up many questions, and probably would not be mentally healthy. Although in my case, I don't believe in lying to anyone, even my kids, about anything, so although the baby called me mommy, when she was old enough to have a discussion about it, I would tell her the truth.

The only way this could turn out ok is if everyone is honest. I really don't see why the grandparents couldn't just help the girl raise her baby, why must they have to be called "Mom and Dad"? If it is really about what is best for the baby then they will just help the mom until she can manage on her own.

I think that anything but the TRUTH is unhealthy in that situation.

I think it all comes down to how the individual can cope. But if, for example, the actual mother went and had a family of her own while her child is still her 'little sister', I think that would cause problems.