myLot Friends
By Marie Anne
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
United States
August 24, 2008 3:12pm CST
Several people have started discussions over the few months I've been here, asking if they should delete people from their friends list here because they never respond to their discussions.
Ok, so maybe you haven't started any discussions where they have anything to say!
As of this writing, I have 568 friends on my list, and I have no idea who half of them are, nor do I keep tabs on which respond to my discussions or not. I have a lot of people that respond to my discussions that aren't my friends, and I have a lot of friends that don't respond (obviously, as I don't have a single discussion out there that has 568 responses to it!)
Some people feel a responsibility to answer every single discussion that a friend starts, and they have the 'notify on' for everyone on their list. If that works for you, great! With the number of friends on my list, there is no way I could keep up with that, nor would I want to. A lot of my friends would only have a discussion here and there that I might be interested in, and others may start discussions where I am interested in most every one of them.
But you know what? If you delete me off your list, you probably WON'T get a response from me if you start a discussion that I really am interested in, and the reason would be that I wouldn't SEE the discussion in the first place!
Having friends on your list that don't respond is no big deal. So what if your list is long? If you don't want to get all the emails when they start a discussion, then put them on 'notify off', a simple click of the keyboard.
I don't have all my friends on 'notify on', but I do refresh my homepage just about every minute when I'm sitting here, which is hours a day, so I don't miss much. I skim the areas on the right side of the page - Top Discussions, Discussions From My Interests, Discussions My Friends Started - and I click/read what looks interesting and go from there. If I participated in discussions just from those on my friends list, I would never see the other discussions where I may have valid input that helps others, and I DO help a lot of people here. I'll bet that I've helped people that have read some of my discussion and responses and they didn't leave a response themselves, so I didn't get that fraction of a penny or whatever. So what!
Bottom line: if you feel you must clean house, then by all means do so, but I personally think it's a waste of time, time that I could be using to answer a discussion ... maybe YOURS.
15 people like this
29 responses
@violetdreams (658)
•
24 Aug 08
What you say is very true. I have also seen comments from some people saying that they have too many friends and want to get rid of some of them. Personally I couldn't understand why - as you say, just don't answer all of them, or alternatively, turn the notification to off on people that you don't want to read all their posts.
I don't spend to much time on mylot - most days - there is just too much else to do around here, and so don't have that many friends listed, so at this point too many friends is not a problem I have. However, should that time ever arrive, I will be sure to keep your words in mind.
Violetdreams
@GardenGerty (160696)
• United States
24 Aug 08
My experience has been that you cannot have too many friends. They each bring a little slice of themself to the discussions they answer.
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
People have to do what's best for them, but I think most of them don't really see the big picture.
Good to 'see' you!
2 people like this
@violetdreams (658)
•
24 Aug 08
You are so right Ldyjarhead. I have read some posts here lately where people have been complaining about what they are earning each day, saying it is unfair, etc. and it made me think. I don't know all the rules about payment, etc, but what I do know is that I enjoy making comments, starting discussion, and generally sharing. Surely that is more what it is about that counting the pennies.
Violetdreams
2 people like this
@redkathy (3374)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Your insight has been most helpful. Please do keep posting your experience. I can tell you that you made me aware of a bunch of things about mylot and I really appreciated the help 'cause mylot was kind of overwhelming when I first started here. Yep I'm still a newbie, only two months posting, and would like to say thanks Ldyjarhead 
4 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Awwww, shucks.
You've really only been here two months? I thought we'd been 'friends' longer than that!
You've really only been here two months? I thought we'd been 'friends' longer than that!2 people like this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
24 Aug 08
You couldn't have said it better!
I have a huge long list and have never deleted anyone. Some go missing but come back and I would never know if I delete them. I even send a PM to those who used to be very active and some, a few weeks later, reappear after health problems or whatever.
Brava! You've given a lot to think about to a lot of folks on here I guess 
I have a huge long list and have never deleted anyone. Some go missing but come back and I would never know if I delete them. I even send a PM to those who used to be very active and some, a few weeks later, reappear after health problems or whatever.
Brava! You've given a lot to think about to a lot of folks on here I guess @Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I think we've both noticed that you and I think alike on most things. I understand that everyone has to do what works for them, but I just don't get it sometimes.
Again, this is not Yuwie!
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Good point. I thought about it but decided not to delete anyone for non-participation. Especially after getting a few temp jobs and coming home to dozens of notifications and wondering how I was ever going to respond to all those! I had to be picky because of being pressed for time.
I work from email notifications and then browse when I have the chance. That way I'm supporting my friends that also support me. You are very efficient! But then, look at the years of training you've had! 
I have a lot of "friends" but only a core of about 15-20 start discussions.
I have a lot of "friends" but only a core of about 15-20 start discussions.4 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I have very few on 'notify', but you know me and my big mouth can be found all over myLot, LOL.
4 people like this
@ebookyoung (184)
• Nigeria
24 Aug 08
Your analysis does make sense of nonsense Thanks for the expanido. I almost thought it was a complete arrogant and rude behaviour not to respond to a friend's discussion. Now I know why.
3 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
My articles talk about this very thing quite a bit. Have you read them?
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
By the way, YOU haven't answered a single discussion of mine for weeks and weeks now. Should I say 'off with his head'?
LOL ...
3 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
24 Aug 08
You have made some very good points. I have not looked it at like this before. I have just deleted some that never respond.. Does that mean that they never will. Now I do not know; I will have to really think the next time I will delete.. Maybe if they upset me, or are rude. I will dete them.
I am not sure how many friends I have, But I do not htink I have ever got a response fromt he all in one Discussion! That would be awesome though!
3 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I think the problem is that a lot of people look at this like Yuwie or some of the other social networking sites where you have to 'hit' each others pages back and forth, etc.
myLot doesn't work like that. Have you read my articles, Louise?
3 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I have written two articles about how myLot works, to help people get the best of their experience here.
The link is on my profile.
1 person likes this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I am not sure what articles you are referring to.. so I am thinking No.
I have never visited the Yuwie sight.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160696)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Well said, friend. I have that same boatload of friends you do.Over 500. I do not have the same procedure as you do. All of my friends are notify on, but I do not always respond to everything. I do look at other things, if my friends have not started something I can respond to, or it does not suit my mood. I also go to discussions with no responses. Yes, you do help lots of people, and I appreciate it for one. We are all different, and we all participate in many sites, it levels out our income and our socialization as well. It is great that we are not all the same, and I for one am not deleting people. There might be a real nugget that I would miss, a golden opportunity, so to speak.
3 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
There you go! If you delete everyone, you just don't know what you might miss sometime down the road.
3 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
24 Aug 08
[i]I am not deleting this time since I am hoping they will come back sooner after a vacation maybe! LOL! In my case, I guess also that some newbies are not turning on the notifications since I have a lot of newbie friends and I know that I am not also active in some of your post because I can't relate especially about other sites since this time, I am only working for 2 forum sites,,so, it will be useless if I will drop by and know nothing about it! LOL!
Anyway, I guess, from time to time, we really need to clean our list! Some are not active for 30 days already![/i]
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
25 Aug 08
[i]It will be useless for me to keep them and they are inactive for like 3 or more months! Anyway, I know you're not a newbie..Sorry if I mess up in my words here! I turn on all the notifications of my friends so that I will be notified whenever they will start a post and I was thinking that my friends also will do the same, but, anyway, I know others have valid reasons also for not doing it!
I believed I miss some of your ideas here![/i]
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
Why do you feel you have to clean out your list?
And why does it matter if newbie friends turn on their notifications or not? I'm certainly not a 'newbie' and I don't turn the notifications on, and for a very valid reason.
Did you miss everything I said?
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13730)
• Philippines
25 Aug 08
I already did a friends list cleaning twice... but i deleted on those who have not logged in for three months... no use having them there is they will no longer comeback... but with others... even if they do not respond to my discussions... i did not delete them... since i really do not start a lot myself... and i know that not everybody can relate to the discussions that i do start...
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
You spent time cleaning out those that weren't here and that's fine, but what if they come back? And what did you gain by deleting them?
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
25 Aug 08
[i]Hello Ldyjarhead,
I also don't keep tab of my friends on my friend list if they response or not on my discussion because in the first place I don't start a lot of discussions. It is good if they response to my discussion because I also response to some of my friends discussions. I select most of the topics I response to in the "todays top discussions". If my friend discussions lands to that category it is good, I don't have to go to my friends started discussions. In case, I don't find a good topics in that area then I move and look to my friends started discussion and select a topic there. I don't delete any one on my friend list. It's good sometimes to see who is gone and still active. It is like a history of your trip here at mylot and you can do it by tracking who are in your friend list. You can see who are still here and are responding to your discussions. It is easier also to send a PM to them if they are on your list. Once you delete them, your friendship might not be connected again. It's good to have friend so you don't delete them and make enemy of them. You don't really know why they can't response to your discussions so it's better to just let it be. You might need them in the future.
Have a nice day. [/i]
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
You do thinks pretty much the same way I do. You've got plenty of points, so it seems to be working well for you!
1 person likes this
@newtondak (3946)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I would never delete someone from my friends list just because they didn't respond to my discussions. I don't respond to all my friends' discussions because I often feel that I don't really have anything to contribute to a particular discussion. I may not have experienced what they are asking about or know nothing about what they are discussing. I have had a number of responses to discussions that I have posted where it was obvious that the poster did not comprehend the topic of the discussion and was just posting to be posting.
2 people like this
@newtondak (3946)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I don't get as much time here as I would like - I frequently get called outside to help with things on the ranch, but what time I do spend, I prefer to contribute quality information. I do like the small amount I earn on myLot, but I'm not going to post a bunch of no-brainer responses.
3 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
That's exactly the way I feel. Having more friends gives me more things to choose from when I'm responding, but I certainly don't feel obligated to respond to every thing out there.
As it is I am here pretty much all day/night, and there wouldn't be enough hours in the day to do more.
2 people like this
@freefogging (356)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I agree. The more friends the better,but I don't respond to all my friends discussions.That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate my friends, as I have no friends in the real world.I appreciate and love every one of you who want to be my friend!!This is a great site for meeting really good people . But it really would be impossible to respond to every friend,and your right Ldyjarhead, what if you not interested in the conversation?Then your response wouldn't be honest,you would be making it p as you go and that's not conversing. But if you feel like you have to delete me, then you are just like the friends I lost out here because of my disability. I'm a slow typer,Ihave pain in my hands every day.I do the best I can. If that's not good enough,then I don't want you as my friend anyway.
3 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
Bravo!
I still think people confuse myLot with places like Yuwie. If you are on Yuwie and want to 'hit' all your friends pages but they don't reciprocate or ever have anything to do with you, it might make a difference, but I really don't see that as the same scenario as what we see here on myLot. Complete apples and oranges.
2 people like this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I agree with you. We can not force people in our lists to respond to all our discussions because they might not have something to relate or to say about it. It's not a big deal to me if my friends would not response to my discussion, because I am not also replying to discussions that I am not interested in,., even if the one who posted it is in my friend's list. I have read some discussions about someone who plans to delete people in their friend's list if they found out that they are not responding to their posts? Well, for me, I don't want to be obligated to response to topics I can not relate to and not interesting to me. I agree with you Ldyjarhead. If somebody delete me in his lists because I am not responding to his discussion? well, I'm fine. I am not upset if some of my friends would not response to my discussion because I understand that it is not interesting to them and they can not relate into it. No problem with me. It's not big deal.
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
Exactly how I feel. If I felt obligated to respond to every discussion in order to be a friend, then I wouldn't be here on myLot.
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
More friends on myLot is always a good thing, and generally means more exposure which of course can mean more earnings.
Have you read the tips on my profile?
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Very well written article here. Also very informative. This is why I enjoy reading your discussions. I may not always respond to every one of your discussions but I do read most of them. I learn from your discussions also. I don't delete members from my friend list.
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
See? I don't expect you to respond to every one of them, but if you got something from even one of them, great - I'm happy!
@mayka123 (16605)
• India
25 Aug 08
I have the notify on for most of my friends. I do keep rotating them every now and then. But I answer only to discussions that are on topics I am interested in. And very rarely reply to one line discussions. I too check the home page every now and then and respond to discussions. I too have more than 250 friends in my list and the maximum responses I have got for a discussion was 142. The rest would not be above 50. But then I should not be expecting all to respond because they may not be interested in the same topics as me.
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
Pretty much the same as my thinking. So you won't be deleting friends either?
@saundyl (9783)
• Canada
26 Aug 08
*blink* The only time i've cleaned out the friends list are when i notice that theres people who have only been active for a couple days several months ago and arent active at all now. I like seeing discussions in my inbox so :) I hope to keep them coming!
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
26 Aug 08
There is no way I could get all that mail in my inbox. I'd end up deleting most without even looking!
1 person likes this
@toosh21 (800)
• Australia
24 Aug 08
I totally agree with you here - I don't respond to every discussion my friends start, but if I have something to say then I will respond. And most definetly my friends do not respond to every discussion I have started...I have some discussions that have no responses so obviously they don't interest anyone! I really don't see the point in deleting friends because they don't respond to your discussions - it's like punishing someone because they don't like the same things as you!
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Your last line says it all.
And those people that will deny a friend request just because they 'don't think we have anything in common' are so wrong - they have myLot in common!
@toosh21 (800)
• Australia
25 Aug 08
So very true...and if you don't accept a friendship request how are you to know you don't have much more than Mylot in common!?! I have made some wonderful friends by accepting friendship requests and getting to know people online...now some of these friends are "real life" friends too!
1 person likes this
@julieb2859 (7)
•
25 Aug 08
my dear i think you need to get out and have a life or a cleaner, how can you justify spending hours on the computor and nothing else, friends are real not internet ones.
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
Who are you to judge me and what I do or do not do here?
You have 3 whopping points beside your name and obviously have no clue yet what myLot is about, and you're going to come here and tell me what I should do? That's a laugh!
I've earned a good bit of change here, I've made lots of friends, and I've helped out a LOT of people. What have you done here?
1 person likes this
@N4life (851)
• United States
25 Aug 08
One thing julieb2859 has done is get on here and make a very foolish statement straight out of the gate. If this person continues to post here they are just proving their hypocrisy. If they do not continue to post, well they certainly wasted their time signing up and making posts like this. How can that be justified? Oh well to each his or her own I guess.
BTW I completly agree with the real them of the discussion here. Why delete friends when niether really have an obligation to reply to a discussion but you never know when they just might?
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I never really thought about deleting any of my friends here at mylot im just like whatever, lets all just have fun and post and make some bux as long as there not rude or anything i dont care how many post they have im just glad to have them, i would only delete someone if they were mean or something other then that i dont worry or think about deleting anyone.
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10233)
• United States
25 Aug 08
Same here. What difference does it make if you have a long list of friends? It's not like Yuwie or something were everyone thinks they have to visit the page of each and every friend and leave a comment or something.
1 person likes this
