"friends" who need help

The only time I hear from my so called friends; is when they need something. But if I call them up and them for something.. Then I get an answer like; well I would but I'm awfully busy at the time. Never there when I need them. I don't know why I keep calling them my friends. When in reality there really not.

I am totally agree with you. When a friend only contacts for help he is not a friend. My hubby has also a strong view on it. He just refused the request. Many times he contacts his friend, took a long conversion, helped them many ways, if they need it. I have learned it from him and doing the same. We are not living outside our native place.

I have friends down the street who are completely helpless without having me to fall back on. They don't buy things at the store if they only need a little, they borrow it from me! If they are out of dog food, they call me. Sugar, milk, eggs, they call me. Someone has a doctors appointment?? They will call me. Even though they have a car, they call me. My friend loans her car to her son, then calls me to take her somewhere. Even though she has known all day she needs to go, she will wait until her car is gone, then call me and make the situation urgent. Like it's dire they go to the store now!! They couldn't have gone in the last 6 hours, when they had a car. No, no, no. That would be too easy. They know I won't say no. Why? Chances are that I have to go for something anyway. Like a soda I don't need. Sorry, rambling here. Anyway, let me ask them for something, or remind them they owe me something, and all the sudden I'm a bad and rude friend. I just don't understand the position they are in, I just don't understand how little money they have. Whatever. I'm there everyday. I know what they spend their money on and where their priorities are. And it's certainly clear that I'm less important to stay square with. You should be glad you can ignore e-mails. Once I've answered the phone, that's it. Yes, I have caller ID but they are my friends so I never know if it's social or a favor.

Well, I had such "friends" before. They seem to forget my whole existence when they don't need financial aid from me or they don't have difficulty with their subjects or their work that I might be of help. Believe me however that they seem to frequent my daily life when they're in need. Well, now, they simply "forgot" me. Just like that. I understand however your predicament. I have friends in the US. I admit I'm in the most difficult part of my life after my baby's Dad abandoned us, and my family walked out of my life as well. I am living alone and trying to survive, hoping that my baby and I will overcome this. But I never once asked my friends in the US for help. They were eager to help of course, they offer financial aid, but I don't wanna be accused of someone who "remember" my friends only when I'm in need. I'm afraid we've lost contact after they went to the US and well, we just found each other again after years of "silence" and "distance". One friend of mine in the US was even one of those who "remember" me only when she needed help from me. But I refuse to do the same to her. I know I've helped her enough in the past but it was the way it's supposed to be and that was history. I am not a charity case and I definitely won't use the word "friendship" for personal gains... Thanks for sharing this, have a blessed day.

i got a lot of those friends when they need you....when i need them they are nowhere else to find or just busy and when they need help they just pop out from nowhere and that's the time i knew they need something from me..with this kinds of friends i learn to keep myself away and just be civil with them...we might never know what comes next if i wont stay away..

I am a loner and lead pretty much a 'gypsy' lifestyle, constantly moving from one town to another, one state to another, and soon it will be one country to another. I rarely bring my 'friends list' (hehehe) with me when I move and as a result I do not have too many friends. I do remember a friend I had in L.A. once that was like that though. She was gorgeous, with long black hair and violet eyes. She was a belly dancer and also very spiritual and I loved her like a sister. She was my best friend. Any time she dropped by my house or called me on the phone I was always so excited to see her or hear from her that I felt like a little puppy, but EVERY SINGLE TIME it was because she wanted a favor! I finally confronted her with this fact and told her that I would like it if she would occasionally stop by or call when she just wanted to talk to me. She was chagrined and tried to change her ways to 'make me happy'. But it did not. It was soooo boring when she would call just to say hello. I finally had to tell her it was better the other way!

Thats absolute correct. many friends have friends only to help them but after they got their work done. they wont turn back to me.

Yes I do. Or rather I did. This went on for years. Actually over a decade. Then I finally said enough. I had to end the friendship. It was also a case where if you knew you needed help they wouldn't return the favor.

No Not friends,but my husbands sisters have done that to us for years. We have actually raised 3 of their chidren,they have lived with us many times.We have moved one of them 4 times to different states and the other one twice to different states. We have loaned them together approximatly 10,000.00 and have never been repaid. Two months ago his oldest sister and her granddaughter(8months old) stayed with us for 6 weeks. It's very stressful. After this last time. I stood up for myself and told him if we help them anymore I,m moving out. That guarenteed that the helping or actually using us will stop now. Before I never said no to him because they are his sisters,but there is only so much we can do. It's time for them to grow up and quit depending on us. We had to grow up at age 17 when we had our first child (we had our 2nd child at 18), we bought our first house at 17 and stayed there 18 years,then bought our second house ,and we just bought our 3rd house in florida, the first two were in michigan. Our next house is going to be a condo when my husband retires (I'm disabled). And I'm not going to let his family ruin our plans!!! Put your foot down and tell those "friends" of yours to stop emailing you with their wants and needs. It's O.K to help sometimes but not to get in touch only when you need something!!!

I have this one friend who used to be a liar and he would only hang out with me or contact me if he needed or wanted something,specifically money because he was always borrowing money with no intent to pay it back,when I met my fiance she helped me see how bad he was and I quit being his friend,and now he has started to change for the better he does not lie as much as he used to,and he does not borrow as much money and on occasions he actually has given me and my fiance money which is always a shocker since he does not seem to be able to hold down a job.

hi friend I am totally agree with you. i need friends help in my life.take care

Indeed, in our lifetime, we are bound to encounter this type of friend (the one who remembers you when he needs you).I guess I was quite unfortunate to come across these user specie.I went out of my comfort zone for these seemingly friends.At first things were alright.My mobile phone rang in ungodly hours because an idea sparked and he wanted my opinion.More often than not, he has favors to ask.That was still okay.I was fond of him and I truly cared.As time progressed there were less hellos.He wouldn't even ask how I was but would go right to what he needs.When he gets his favor I wouldn't even hear a simple thank you. It came to a point that I grew tired and now I wish we would never cross paths again.Yet, there is this other friend who would text me if he needs something written.When I text or call to ask how he is he rarely answers.But surely, one of these days he would need help again.I feel stupid because I'd surely be there for him.Sometimes, I wish I do not care too much.

I may be offering an alternative viewpoint here. Sometimes people gradually lose contact with each other because they are leading different lives, with different responsibilities. There is a lack of common ground for conversation. You may argue against this, but my point still stands. Even the best of friends will gradually drift apart. When your friends ask you for help, it means they still remember you. Why not take this chance to talk to them, and reminisce about the old times? Friendship takes two.

Yes that´s true,but I think it comes done to one thing. Taking people for granted.And we don´t just do it with friends,it happens with family too because we assume that friends and family are there to help you and will. With friends it´s very common that you don´t here from them in years and suddenly you do when they need something,but don´t we do that also with our parents?? Come on!!! who hasn´t used the typical oh daddy,mommy!!! I love you so much.......and they just turn around suspicious,ok how much do you need? And really, do we feel bad for doing so? No,we just get used to doing it, we see no wrong in it.I guess friends feel the same.

it was there earlier. in my first job i met some team members who became friends. i was not able to understand tehy were freind on purpose.but they were actually. they only rememberd when they needed money or something