What can i do?
By merrycherry
@merrycherry (132)
China
August 27, 2008 12:12am CST
well, I have a little friend, 15 years old. I tutor her everyday. And shes..er..what can i say.. a damaged girl, she has got almost no friend. She's not that good-looking, honestly, lets say ugly and fat. Her school work isn good, either. Her classmates dont want to make friends with her. Her dad is the boss of a real-estate company, obviously, very rich. Her classmates often ask her to treat them meals and she never says no, because she thinks if she treat them well and they'll be her friends. But actually shes got no one.
Now, she considers me as her only good friend. But her behavior isn so good, my mom dont like her. When im with her, i always pretend that i like her and fake smiles are always there on my face. Actually we dont have the similar interests, im enough with my fake smiles! But shes so damaged and she really needs friends, i just dont want to hurt her feelings! what can i do?
3 people like this
9 responses
@nanciem (1105)
• United States
27 Aug 08
18, hmm All I did was ask you did not have to throw in the "So".
Why I asked if you can comprehend is this, I was wondering if this child was so close to your age, found a friend and felt that they did not need another being they had one.
To ever call a young human being 'ugly" as you have is pathetic. You would never tutor my child, although book smarts; you tutor, there is alot more that goes with it, and this my friend I think you lack.
If you tutor a child, tutor them, don't judge their looks, no matter what they say.
I had a friend like this, she was a little heavier but the sweetest person in the world, not because of her mom or dad's money, but because of how she cared, try tutoring that. Talk to the child's parents, if you really cared you would, I think you may or you would not have posted this discussion.
You need to reah out to the child (if you so choose, or to the parents), Please do not "Pretend" you are a friend when you are not, this child will be hurt in the long run. Not cool!
@merrycherry (132)
• China
27 Aug 08
all right, thank you for your response. Firstly, i guess the question u asked about my age is a sarcasm, right? Sorry to disappoint u, im just not that clever enought to see whats that to do with my age. And, i, myself is an English learner, except that "ugly", there was no other word coming up in my mind. If thats pathetic, which i know is a hard word. i guess have to learn more about narrative and synonym. Anyhow, thank you for your reply.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
28 Aug 08
Hello merry,
Can ask you in what way is she damaged is it because she is fat and ugly like you say? well I for one wouldn't say that I think she needs a really friend who likes her the way she is and she needs a lot of love and understanding and help with her work, do you know I was just like her when I was her age I had no friends and I was fat and short but I was not damged and people thought I was and treated me as such so think carefully and please just try and be a little caring because she can turn out to be clever and beautiful.
Tamara
@merrycherry (132)
• China
28 Aug 08
hey~tamara. yeah, im aware of the words i used were inappropriate and kind of rude, which some mylot friends has told me. im so sorry because im still learning English, i dont know some better words, maybe not so good-looking? i just want to say sorry to u if u misunderstood that i dont like her just because shes not that good looking. Thank you for your advice, which means a lot to me! Ill try to be totally careful with the words~~ Good luck and have a nice day!!
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
28 Aug 08
Hi merry,
I am sorry if I was too hash with you, I do uderstand now, but if you are show kindness to someone and feel for that person who is so very young you will kindness back in return, I know I have been in that poor girl shoes but my parents were not rich and later I ment a young girl that smelt awful and no one would go near her or talk to her but I did and I found while you stuck so much, Its because of her nerves and she was painfully shy and that was why she used to wet herself, I helped her a lot. Years later she turned out to be a bueatiful woman and marrried with three children and she never forgotton what I done for her, so just be her best friend and show others your true worth. You will be fine.
Tamara
@dementia88 (900)
• United States
28 Aug 08
well first i would stop pretending. its not right your just as bad as those who use her for free food. you dont like her so dont act like you do.what is it getting her or you. you dont like faking so why continue
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
well you don't have to hurt her feelings. you can still help her improve her look or grades though. she thinks you are her friend, so I am guessing she will accept advices from you. because her parents are rich then she shouldn't have a problem to spend money on professionals who can help her improve her look while you will help her improve her grade. Both improved look and grade will increase her confidence and who knows you will like her then when she is no longer fat, ugly, damaged whatever you described her as. Some rich kids are bullies but I guess this one is not.
@merrycherry (132)
• China
28 Aug 08
Yeah, you are right, shes not bully, shes just growing up and doesnt know whats the best to communicate approiately. I made a mistake, i think ill fix it. Thank you!! Good luck and take care~~
@shontia08 (846)
• United States
27 Aug 08
you said that she is your friend, but from what you said here it don't seem as if that's the case. you talk about her like she is your charity case, like its an obligation for you to be her friend. a friend wouldn't talk about anyone like this. how would you feel if a person that you thought or consider a friend treated you like this or talk about you like this? i think that she needs to find people who have the same interest as herself. when did how a person look make you want or not want to be someones friend. you say you don't want to hurt her feelings but you talk about her this way, i'm surprise you care about her feelings. anyway if being a true friend to her is too hard for you then you should just let her know that you can't be her friend anymore. i'm pretty sure she know that the smiles are fake, most people pick up on them. just treat her the way you want to be treated. to me she don't sound like she is damaged.
@shontia08 (846)
• United States
27 Aug 08
thank you, i didn't want to sound harsh, no harm intended. i just think that your wording could have been a little different. i do think that you are a good person, because you didn't have to be there for her at all. just treat her like a human being. things will work theirself out.
@merrycherry (132)
• China
27 Aug 08
hey, maybe i should do more practice on the narrative writing skills. Obviously i didn wrote in the right way. But what u advised is useful and sincere, which I appeciated very much. Thank you!! Have a nice day!
@initiator7 (3)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
Hi there MerryCherry
Initiator7 here. I think that you should be honest, with the 15 year old. Just look at this way, if it was you that was without the friends and having such a hard life, your attitude might not be the best either. I'm not sure, what this girls background is like but, I would say as hard as it may be, to little by little, ASK her "Why is she so illbehaved" and let her spill it. You may be surprised at what you hear. What I found is that if you are the only one that a person vents to, they will open up with you in ways that you never imagined. Try if if you haven't already.
@merrycherry (132)
• China
28 Aug 08
Thank you, initiator7, i can figure out what should i do, thanks for the advice~ have a nice day~
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
Well what can you do? As you said it she needs a friend then you be a friend to her. It is like you know her from inside out and just do that. I have a sense that you care for her since you are there seeing her needs and you show some pity on her when you see her being used by others. Well you two may not gel that close but you may start influencing her and maybe sway to reform herself. If you can do that maybe you are indeed a good friend to her.
@merrycherry (132)
• China
27 Aug 08
What you adviced is very useful, thank you, i'll start to influence her right now. Good luck!!
@hiddenwing (3719)
• China
27 Aug 08
It is not unique but as a double!
I once tutored a high school student!
He was just 15 years. Also, he considered me as his friend. At first, he had reverence for me. Later, he smoked in front me. Additionally, his feet were really smelly. Sure, it was not a big deal. But sometimes he lost his temper. I couldn't stand it though he appologized. I admitted that he was clever. However, he was totally a dude! His money was flowing out. In fact, it was his parents' money!
All I had to do was just watching movies with him! Then, I would got my pay!
I knew he was hell around. Me, on the other hand, I couldn't.
Else, I would suffered agonies of remorse.
As a result, I quitted.
U are not happy there, aren't u?
Can u change her personalities for the better?
Just as the saying goes, the fox may grow grey, but never good!
U can have a perplex for not going, or the view on the other side mignt be spectacular.
@merrycherry (132)
• China
27 Aug 08
To tell truth, the guy you tutored is much worse than the one i got. God, I just dont know what im doing, she didn even listen to me when im tutoring. My father asks me to tolerate her, for the sake of her dad. (they r good friends) well... thx for ur response. Take care! (ps: could u tell me which university u graduated, please?)
@magna86 (1786)
• India
27 Aug 08
well thats a good thing you are doing!! but you dont like what you are doing then try to change the girl!!! if you two become nice friends then you should tell her what is good and whats bad!!! teach her some good manners!! tell her how to make friends!!! but dont let her down.. she really needs your friendship!!!!
cheers.. have a nice day!!
@merrycherry (132)
• China
27 Aug 08
Oh, thank you for the sweet words! i think i know what to do about her. Good luck and have a nice day!!