Secrecy or privacy...which is more detrimental to a relationship?

I think the definitions are very right on. I was in a relationship that sounds a little like yours as far as the lacking emotional feelings. I also searched for that feeling in others, I finally had to end the marriage becuae I knew that it was wrong to put my husband and I through any more secrets and lies. I knew that until I found what I was looking for I would never be faithful to him. Once I found the person that gave me that emotional bond I have completely changed. I would never hide anything from him. I would never risk losing his love by flirting with others or cheating on him in any way. I never want him to have a reason to doubt the love I have for him. I once kept a secret from him but it was because it was a secret that I was forced to say I would never tell. It effected him in a small way but it was not my secret to tell. I could not do it. I tried and I kept hinting to him hoping he would guess it because the guilt ate me up. I finally told him the truth and he was very mad at me. Secrets can destroy a relationship even if it is someone else’s secret. Luckily he forgave me and I swore that I would never ever try to keep a secret from him again. Everyone has something they keep private and that definition is true. They share that with no one.

secrecy is more dangerous than privacy. because you can not count on or control everyone to keep anything secret, whereas privacy can be controlled.

I can agree with your own definitions here. Secrecy is intentionally keeping something from someone and in a realtionship that should be about honesty, communication and openness this is not really a positive behaviour. Whereas privacy is being able to have your own mental or physical space from time to time rather than living in each others pockets. There is no issue with occasionally wishing for some privacy as far as I am concerned. One is open and honest, the other is not.

Good day... I would always go with privacy, in my own definition your partner had a hint that you have something that you keep in privacy but just don't know what while in secrecy, as the world implies your partner doesn't know anything about it.

I think secrecy is like a bad form of privacy. Wanting to keep things private mans that you isolate yourself from others and don't divulge personal information. It does allow room for another person to know these information if there is trust with one another. Secrecy is not having any trust in the other person. And without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail.

hey privacy is demanded by everone irrespective of age groups and it is such a thing that cannot be given or demanded but a person is in constant need of it whether he be male or female secrecy on the other hand means keepin secrets from your partner that are really capabel of breaking any succesful relationship if you are not satisfied with your partner then please do not leave her cause it will make things worse because if you leave her once then her absence will eat you up

I'm not too clear on what you are asking here. My spouse doesn't feel that there should be ANY secrets or ANY privacy between us. Although I have discovered a few things about HIS past that he didn't want me to know. Like under exactly what circumstances his last relationship ended. It was pretty stormy, that's all I'll say about it. I know what you mean about a marriage lacking that emotion feeling though. Ours started out to be VERY emotional for BOTH of us, I beleive, since I overheard him tell his mother that he thought I was "the one". And I guess I was ripe for the picking because I had just broken up with my ex weeks prior to us meeting. I tried to keep him at a distance and keep it casual, because I really didn't want to get involved again. I was soured from the abuse and the CHEATING that I suspected but confirmed after I kicked his butt to the curb, with the help of the cops, no less. But over the years the relationship has morphed into something I have become less happy with and him, too. So one day is good, and another is bad. There is much water under the bridge. I wish he would go to counselling with me to sort it all out and put it behind us, so we could start fresh and make it wonderful like it used to be. But, I fear that it may not ever happen and that makes me sad. I almost feel like a hypocrite for advising you not to take E's sh!t and walk away, when I have not done it myself. But at least you still have your identity. Mine is wrapped up with my spouse's for 15 yrs and very difficult to let go of. You have your own separate place of residence, mine is tied up in every way with my spouse. If I leave I will lose my home and my business that I have dreamed about since I was a small child. I wish it wasn't so, but I must admit it at some point. Even though it is sooooo hard to let go of this life I have wished for all my life. I'm probably off topic here, sorry, scorp. Guess I am just a bit more emotional than I usually am lately. I've been sincerely hurt quite a bit recently and at a low point, which is unusual for me. Thanks for listening sweetie. I love ya.

Everyone needs privacy of some sort. I like to do certain things in private such as pluck my nose hairs LOL... I suppose everyone has secrets as well, but as long as they are not detrimental to the relationship, such as cheating or committing crimes or lying, I suppose it's okay to have SOME secrets, but, as you pointed out, you ARE supposed to be sharing your life with your partner. I would think it would be a bit odd to have dozens of secrets you deliberately hide or keep from your partner. I was in a bad marriage myself and had to end it. Now I see healthier ways to have relationships and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for nearly two years now. I never thought I would ever be able to trust anyone intimately again after my marriage, but this man is one of the few good ones out there and he is the best man in the world. I have a couple secrets, and I do need some space and some privacy, but the things he doesn't know are not necessarily important, now would they hurt our relationship, so I do think having both secrets as well as privacy is okay to an extent, but if I had many things he didn't know, I think that would be wrong.

I believe I have a right to have some things private from my husband. But there are certain things I don't have a right to keep a secret from him. Some people just don't know how to share things with their partners due to the way they were raised. Failure to trust because of a childhood betrayal or whatever.

I think if you are hiding something is not good at all does not matter if it is called privacy or secrecy, just words! Now one thing I want to say is that for a relationship that is very bad because people will start to pull in things. What I mean is that feeling of almost being found out! Just go for honesty that fixes all!

there is no harm in privacy. everyone, no matter what age group needs privacy of their own. but secrecy is something different...its like hiding the truth. but again it depends if the secret is to be kept for a good reason then its harmless & if it is a lie, then it means you are cheating.

they both are very dangerous, if not handled carefully. Theres a fine line between both. in my opinion, you cant have one without the other. i dunno