Who inspired your feelings about homosexuals?
By II2aTee
@II2aTee (2559)
United States
August 27, 2008 2:57pm CST
These days it seems everyone has an opinion about homosexuals. I pose this question: Who have you met in your life that helped you to form an opinion about gay people, either positivly, or negativly?
What I mean to say is, if you are a straight person who enjoys the friendship of gays, is it because you had a friend in high school who was gay? Did you have a family member who was gay? Was there a TV or a movie star or some other famous person who you admired who happened to be gay?
If you are someone who does not like gay people, is it because you had a bad experience with a gay person? Please share your story.
I would like to leave religion out of this discussion, because when they two subjects are discussed together, it leads to fighting - EVERY time. If you dislike gay people because of religious reasons, please do not respond. I am looking for experiences you have had with ACTUAL people that made you like, or dislike gay people.
When I was a kid my mothers best friend had a gay brother, and him and his boyfriend used to come swim in our pool sometimes. They were always so nice, and so funny, and my brother and sister loved it when they came to visit because they always brought us presents and they liked to play video games and we thought that was SOO cool that a grown up liked to play video games just like us kids!
I am trying to figure out of the reason people dont like gay people is because they may have had a bad experience with a gay person in their life, and decided that all gay people must be bad.
Please share your story. Please no fighting either - everyone has a point of view. I am trying to get to the source of the hurt - not pour salt on it.
8 people like this
25 responses
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I grew up in a household in which homosexuality was not discussed. It wasn't discussed because it was simply another state of being. No one told me that my uncle was gay. We all knew that he and tommy were a couple. There was no difference in my house between gay couples and straight couples. it wasn't until my brother came out, that I started researching the phenomina(sp) more in depth. This was in the 80's when information was just beginning to be understood. 20 years after Stonewall and people still didn't get it. Sadly enough, for many it's even worse now. Many will not even entertain the NOTION that sexuality is not a choice. So, I guess my opinion on gay people is the same as my opinion on straight people, some are nice, some are jerks and who they are attracted to doesn't make a dam bit of difference.
3 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Yknow thats alot like my family in some ways. I officially "came out" to my parents, but I never actually came out to my extended family... aunt uncles, grandparents. When I started to bring my boyfriends to family picnics thats when I am sure they figured it out, but the transition was smooth as butter. Of course my family had known me my whole life and they knew there was something different about me. When they realized I was gay it was probably and "Ah ha!" moment when they could finally put a name on exactly why I was so different.
But they never made me or my boyfriends feel uncomfortable. Expecially Brian who I will have been with for 6 years this November. My grandparents call him for computer advice, and he always has a setting at every family dinner. No explanation was needed... and that is the epitome of unconditional love.
1 person likes this
@mynameismine (771)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I grew up watching the adults in my life treat others like cr*p because of one thing or another always talking stupid and I just knew that it wasn't the way the I wanted to be. I never understood why they had such strong negative (sometimes violent) feelings towards others, still makes me shake my head to this day.
I won't claim to understand why someone acts the way they act and I will never claim to understand how someone feels because I would never want that on me (but it hasn't helped). I will just be glad when the day comes that people accept each other for who they are and not just for who they want them to be.
3 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Humanity has a long way to go, but I too look forward to that day.
I find it interesting how someones upbringing influences them so much, however you never know what side the coin will land on. Either the child sees the hatefull behavior, and mimic it, growing into a mirror of the adults that they were exposed to; or the child grows up useing the hatefull adult as an example of how not to act, and become a better person for it.
I am glad in your case, that you had enough sense to tell the difference between right and wrong.
3 people like this
@granite_butterfly (448)
• Canada
27 Aug 08
The Bible is a valuable and crucial piece of philosophy but it is also archaic in its teachings where contemporary society is concerned. Are we not supposed to love one another according to the Bible?
2 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Before anyone comes in and attacks this person, I request that they do not.
However, Sirnose, if you had read my discussion you would know I am requesting religion not be discussed here. I am asking for actual interactions you had with gay people that made you like or not like them.
No religion here. I will not have this discussion turn into a theological debate.
There it has been said - please no one attack this person, let us just ignore this and move on.
4 people like this
@sirnose (2436)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Come on guys that where most people get their misconception about life in general and that's where I had got my slanted notion about the human condition...It must be brought into the discussion as I said earlier most of us folk get it there first.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
28 Aug 08
generally.. people hate because they are taught to hate. hatred and fear is passed down from one generation to the next like nostalgic inheritance. me personally.. i was raised in a very bigoted hateful home. the church i was dragged off to for years, taught the same things. it was in fact the basis of the religion itself. somehow i managed to escape being such myself. always knew it was just wrong to hate someone because of differences.. be it race or otherwise. im now pretty much scorned by my relatives for not hating gays, and blacks, and jews, etc. imma go to hell for it dontcha know ..;rolls eyes;.. now.. as a parent myself.. my own children arent "taught" acceptance specifically.. they arent taught anything in that regards at all. they are taught simply that it is decent to be kind.. honorable.. respectful and compassionate. the rest falls into place.
2 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
the rest falls into place
Oh how right you are. I was talking to someone on page one about how sometimes parents set an example for their kids.. but its up to the kids to decide wrong from right. I cant imagine having a bigoted family... No one in my family would ever turn anyone away just because they are different. I was really blessed in that area.
1 person likes this
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
27 Aug 08
Hi Tee
I grew up in a very religious house..Jehovah Witness..and always was very much into guys and there was this very good looking one that was having a tough time wanting to know what to do about a personal matter..we were about 13 or 14..He told me he thought he was Gay but didn't know how to tell his Parents and was scared what the Elders would say to him..back then it was rare to hear and not much was out there to go by and help anyone..He was so afraid and I told him I'd help and be there with him to get him through this..well it didn't go very well..Parents wouldn't except it and he was kicked out basically of the Congregation..so we figured since he wanted to get away now and live his life not under pressure he would start hitchiking to see and meet others like him..we lived in Calif..Last I heard he was in San Fransisco..and was very happy!
I miss him......I live in Texas now and have lots of men and women friends that are Gay and sadly one just passed..he was a very special friend named Mitch..
2 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
27 Aug 08
No apologies needed - it was part of the story, and a crucial part at that. What I want to avoid is people saying "God dosent like homosexuality", and you came no where near that line.
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I have had several close freinds, gay and straight die on me over the years, and the pain never goes away. But they say life is for the living, so we just have to pick up the peices, hold onto the memories, and push ever onward.
I would like to thank you for beiong there for this boy - even though I dont know him. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. My boyfriend was in the same situation... when he came out of the closet to them, his family disowned him. If my family had not welcomed him with open arms, I can not say that he would be alive today. Its people like you who save lives that you would never have known were in danger.
3 people like this
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
27 Aug 08
Sorry Tee for mentioning my past religion, but it was part of the story of how I me him..
2 people like this
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
27 Aug 08
Thanks Tee for saying that about me...I'm glad to have been there for him too..just wish i would have been braver i would have went with him and helped more..No one ever told me about the life they had to live at that young of age and I never judged Him for anything..I just loved him as My friend..
My other friend that passed left me all his albums..all 1000 of them..I'll always have him around!
1 person likes this
@youngsweetheart (772)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I never understood the fuss about it, really. The first time I was "exposed" to such a thing in a tangible way was when Ellen DeGeneres came out - it seems so long ago! I was maybe 12 or so, and I didn't understand why people were so angry. I thought she was brave.
A friend of mine when I was in the sixth grade accidently witnessed an older boy, his absolute idol, kissing another boy, and was very upset. I couldn't understand what was so upsetting about that.
Many of my friends came out of the closet either during or soon after high school; it didn't change my opinion one bit, and in most cases, I wasn't surprised.
But the biggest influence on how I feel about homosexuals? My kids. Even before I had kids, I looked at it like this: how would I feel if MY child were gay? And the answer was that it would change nothing. So if I can accept that in my child, why not others? Would I approve of a homosexual being harmed, denied rights, talked badly of, if that homosexual were MY child? Of course not. So I apply that to everyone.
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
27 Aug 08
What a beautiful ideology. Do you have children? If so they are very lucky to have you as a mother. It is good to know that these days the rules of unconditional love still apply, and I can promise you that gay or straight, your relationship with your children will only flourish because of it.
My own mother had the same philosophy you have... and now that I am an adult, I proudly say that my mother is my best friend.
4 people like this
@youngsweetheart (772)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I have two children, a boy and a girl, and even as young as my son is, we sometimes wonder. Thank you very much for the compliment!
1 person likes this
@youngsweetheart (772)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Consider yourself adopted, Jo, lol. I'm glad your inlaws are great, and I hope your mom comes around. It's a shame when a parent lets such a silly thing come between themselves and their child - who they are supposed to love unconditionally.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
27 Aug 08
I gather that you were influenced by your mother inviting some extremely nice people over who were homosexual. Sounds either that she wanted to influence you. Now I never knew any extremely nice people who were homosexual, nor did I know any evil ones. Come to think of it I never knew any straight people who were mean and horrible either. But I knew a man who I did not know was one, I mean he worked in the same office. He told about the War and he was stationed in London and how that he like the other soldiers wanted chocolates because they were rare. Well I got some chocolate and offered some to all, but he refused.
I thought that was because it brought up bad memories and I had done the wrong thing. I had, but it was not because of the bad memories of the war and bombs and losing some of his companions, but one of my co-workers told me that he did not go out with girls. The one thing was that he invited us out to a night club, and I was uncomfortable because of the girls with no tops on, but it did not bother him and he did not act like guys would, like panting and stuff.
So I should have known that did not bother him because he never was interested in ladies.
The article about Rock Hudson found to have AIDS affected me. I mean how could he live like that when he knew it would kill him? I felt it was something had taken over his mind - sort of like the man who knows that he should not murder and every night he takes a knife and stabs someone. Terrible. It is nothing to be proud of. Oh just because a certain group is nice, is no reason for you to admire and turn out to be like them.
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Oh just because a certain group is nice, is no reason for you to admire and turn out to be like them.
Truth, which is why I created this discussion.
gather that you were influenced by your mother inviting some extremely nice people over who were homosexual. Sounds either that she wanted to influence you.
False. The fact that he was gay had nothing to do with my mother inviting him over. It had everything to do with the fact that he was her best friends brother, and thus a family friend. If her goal was to influence me one way or another, then my brother and sister would have been influenced as well... but they are both straight.
You cannot influence someone to be what they are not. They rebel against it, and ultimatly their human nature wins out.
Thank you for your somewhat precarious contribution to my discussion.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Alas , I don't have any gay friends. I am straight but not narrow. I think I am so gay friendly because I saw the movie The Boys in The Band when I was about 8. do you know about this film? it is a film about gay men in the 70's. It was a great film. It is a little dated but it is good.I never and never will hate a person just because he or she is gay.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Yes I have seen Torch Song but my favorite gay themed films are Broken Hearts Club and The Boys In The Band.And a close second is Love, Valour , Compassion.
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I had a couple of friends in high school who were gay. One was a guy I was in band with. He was such a doll and my particular group of close friends loved him dearly. He was extremely effeminate and was teased unmercifully. He would always come to us for comfort and always knew he was accepted by us just as he was.
The other guy was an actor and in all the school plays. Since I was in the orchestra we'd always hang around backstage during rehearsals. He was one of the funniest people I've ever met. Just a natural comedian.
My best friend for the last 33 yrs, her oldest son is gay. I suspected it from a very early age like 4 or 5 yrs old. He didn't come out until he was in his mid twenties but when his mom told me I just kind of chuckled and said, "I've know that since he was little." Which came as a shock to both of them since I had never said anything. It just never dawned on me that THEY would think it made any difference in my relationship with either of them. Turns out it didn't. I love them both as I always have. Didn't change a thing.
The same friend has 2 cousins, who also went to high school with us, who were lesbians. We all hung around together all thru high school. Again, when they came out I wasn't shocked or surprised and nothing changed.
I can't say that differences of any kind ever bothered me, I never thought about it. These were my friends and that's how I always saw them, not as my GAY friends, or my BLACK friends, or my FAT friends, or my MEXICAN friends, or my HANDICAPPED friends, they were just my friends.
The only prejudice I've ever had is against hypocritical bigots.
1 person likes this
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
28 Aug 08
I have absolutely no doubt that we would have been friends in high school, and with your sister too... dang she reminds me a lot of me! I'm a fierce protector of my family and friends as well.
It's sad that we don't come into our personal power until adulthood. But then again it's the combination of experience & knowledge that bring us to that power. You are very lucky that you found it at such a young age. I didn't find mine until I was in my early 30's. Oh man, if I knew then what I know now!!! 
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Ahh High School. What a trip that was. I was bullied, picked on and avoided spit balls in the halls after every class. Girls like YOU were my only refuge, and I know for a fact that had we gone to High School together, we would have been joined at the hip.
A teacher once told me that we dont find out who our real friends are untill after High School... and how right she was. I have retained a total of one friend who I still keep in touch with... and she was my protector all through school. Her and my big sister.
I'll never forget one time we were walking down the hall together and someone called me some name. I didn't even hear it, I had learned to tune it out after 3 years. But what I DID hear was scuffling from behind of some comotion. I looked back and my sister, who only weighs 100 lbs if she weighs an ouce, had this football player PINNED against the wall. His feet were dangling about a foot off the ground.
"DONT YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT MY BROTHER EVER AGAIN!"
After our next class he came up to me with a wild look in his eye and apologized. God I love my sister.
Funny thing is that now that I'm adult, and realize the power I have inside me, there is no way I would have been a wall flower. If I knew then what I know now, I would have OWNED that school. I have a finesse now in adulthood that I never would have guessed I had inside me when I was a child, and my only regret was that I shrunk into the shadows when I could have stayed and fought... and WON.
Ah well, live and learn.
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
27 Aug 08
To be honest I don't think it ever really bothered me so I can't say one act or one person was a contributing moment. I remember in high school there was a friend of mine whom I thought might be gay, but he denied it so I was like whatever and we kept on as usual. When I joined the military my frist real roomate was a lesbian. She tried hiding it and all but to be honest she didn't really need to, at least not from me.
I'd come home one night to a "slumber party" and so I grabbed my pillow and blanket and said I'll be sleeping in the lounge, and for them just to not do anything on my bed. The next day she was all worried and I was like don't worry about it, just be willing to sleep in the lounge if I ever bring a guy back. We became really good friends after that.
Fact is a persons sexuality doesn't mean squat to me. As long as they are a decent human and treat people accordingly then I'm cool with them. Hell my lil sister is a lesbian and I think I knew it long before she did. LOL. I'm just happy she finally stopped hiding who she is from the world.
My only problem with a small group of homosexuals is that damn parade... not to be mean or anything but why the hell do they need to block traffic for 3 hours to march down the street every year screaming about how wonderful it is to be gay. What sucks is around here it's mostly guys.
I'm happy that they are proud of who they are but damn it why should I throw you a parade just cause ya suck dyck.. so do I and I don't get no damn parade.. geesh....
ok sorry that was my side tracked rant about not being able to drive through seattle for a whole damn day.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
Hi Tee, I believe that I may have shared this before but I have a brother who is gay. We were always close and I was determined that I would never do or say anything that would upset him, even during the years when I didn't understand that gays were born that way. I was always upset by those who put down gays because I knew my brother to be a wonderful, kind and loving person, much more so than those who put down gays, whom I didn't find to be nice people at all. It did however, take some time before I could actually say, and know that it was true, "there is nothing wrong with being gay". Today, I am very proud of my brother for being honest about things and not trying cover things over as so many do. I know it must have been very difficult for him on times, and I really can't blame those who stayed in the closet during the difficult years before it became as accepted as it is today. My brother is now 74 years old and him and his partner have been together for more than thirty years. They are among the happiest couples I have ever known and everyone who wishes to visit are always welcome in their home. I could go on for hours, but I know I've made my point. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
It sounds like you and my sister have alot in common. She had a difficult time coming to terms when I told her I am gay. She cried a bit, she blamed the "crowd" I was hanging out with. But she never ever made me feel like less of a person... it just took her time to sort it all out in her own head.
But at the same time our brother/sister relationship never skipped a beat. She protected me fiercly in high school, a blessing I thank God for every day. It did take her a while to accept me being gay, but once she had it - she never let go. She is so dear to me and I dont know what I ever would have done without her.
She was only ever looking out for my best interest. Once she saw that I truley was gay (and it wasnt just a "phase", and that I was genuinly happy, she became my number one supporter, and a shoulder to cry on when things got tough.
1 person likes this
@granite_butterfly (448)
• Canada
27 Aug 08
My mother is a lesbian so I never developed some hateful homophobia. In fact, I get a little tough on people who choose that ignorance. While the gay community is making slow strides to better rights and recognitions, there is still a frightening degree of hate out there. In all honesty, why is it our business about two consenting adults living their life? What I find hurtful is the homophobia because people are still getting hurt and treated like second class citizens. A dose of tolerance and empathy would do our society well. Thanks for opening such a heated topic.
2 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I have had my fill of heated topics... notice how I specificly requested that religious motivated hate speach against homosexuals need not respond. However, if someone has had a bad experience with a gay person that may have soured them to ALL gay people - that is the story I want to read.
Likewise, if someone had a good experience with a gay person, as you shared about your mother being a lesbian, is what I am looking for. Thank you very much for shareing.
I am also glad that you were the first to respond since it is a sad misconception that homsexuals raise their kids to be gay. I am assuming that you are heterosexual, thus bebunking that myth.
Indeed, if that were true, there would not be any homosexuals.
3 people like this
@faln_angel1205 (1192)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I honestly cant say that anyone helpd me form my opinion on homosexuals. As a child we never knew anyone that was Gay, so i never seen or heard rather those around me approved of the them or not. It jsut sort of came natural to me to accept everyone as they are, so i guess if you look at it in that sense, i learned that from my grandmother. She was always telling me to not judge people.
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Your Grandmother sounds like a woman who was ahead of her time. The older generations can recall a time when the thought of homosexuality wasnever even mentioned, and gays and lesbians lived their life in hiding.
You and I have very cool Grandmothers... my grandmother is a die hard Republican, and strict Roman Catholic... and even she has enough class to never make anyone ever feel like less of a person, no matter their differences. She is a rare gem.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
27 Aug 08
You sure have started a conversation that could be controversial at best. But I believe that you have a right to want opinions of others on this subject matter. I can leave religion out of this as you have requested.
I do not hate gay people or anybody for that matter. To take the time in one's life to ponder and wonder about how they hate a certain group is really not good for one's soul. It just breeds more stress for somebody to feed on the negativity that surrounds certain ways of life.
I have known some homosexuals in my life and never had any animosity or adversity where that was concerned. I am a straight married woman and that is my life. If someone is gay then that is what is their life. Live and let live.
1 person likes this
@cyberopjames (483)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I am a gay male had have been out from the age of 16. I am 40 years young now. I must say that my lover Jay of 8 years has inspired me. We are open about our sexuality. We are known in our community and only have had maybe 4 people that have given us any problems. For the most part it is kids that pass our home on the way from school yelling out bad things. You would never see me put down anyone for being who they are. I just hope that one day people will stop hating.
@dark_joev (3034)
• United States
7 Dec 08
Well besides myself I knew a lot of gay guys and girls that where all really nice and that was before I discovered that I myself was gay so yeah. One of my music teachers was a lesbian and well she was very nice. Oh and just so I cover any bases no she or any other gay person I know. Didn't influnce my sexuality. So yeah.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I would say growing up around it gave me my opinions about homosexuality and the people who are homosexual. Your family is your family and that's what matters not who they sleep with. I guess growing up around it just made it normal for me.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
7 Dec 08
I have never formed an opinion of homosexuals as something outside of people. I like people as individuals or dislike them that way. I do not see them as an abstract like gay or black or white or male or female.
I see them as a personality I like or dislike who may or may not be something. I have know some wonderful men who happen to be gay and some wonderful men who were not and I have met a lot of men who were b*stards.
My mother used to go on an on about how they stole a nice word and I would watch the gay mardi gras and think it looked like such fun and I wish I could go. It was held in Sydney and I lived in Melbourne. We might have had one in Melbourne later on but I never got to go.
I shared a house with a cross dressing guy who was great and he gave me some tips on how to be tough with the bosses in negotiations. He was just a person who liked wearing dresses. I just thought he was interesting. But then people think I am weird.
I do not care I am just me.
I do not care I am just me.
@cbreeze (1205)
• United States
28 Aug 08
It's hard to leave religion completely out of the discussion, but here is my answer. In my early adult hood, I didn't like gays because my parents taught me it was bad in the eyes of God. I bought into that, however, I couldn't find it in my heart to treat gays any different because they seemed like regular people to me. Still while a fairly young adult, my brother (who is my most favorite person in the world) confided in me that he was gay. Well, this is my big brother! No one in the world has made a bigger impact on my life than he has. He taught me to read when no one knew or understood I was dyslexic. He protected me from bullies at his the expense of his own safety. I could go on and on. I always, told him that I loved the part of him that GOD loved. To me not many people have more integrity and could be a better person than my brother, so I just don't see gays as any different than anyone else. I'm not sure this is what you were looking for. You sound like you are more interested in why people don't like gays, but there you go.
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
28 Aug 08
No my friend, this is exactly what I was looking for. Exactly. Your brother helped you shift your attitude about homosexuals. When I said no religion, that is because I didnt want people coming in saying "God inspired me to hate gay people" because I happen to think that is a load of hogwash. If someone has a bad perception of gays, and they use religion as their excuse, then they have my pity because they missed the boat on the teaching of Jesus Christ. I dont think Jesus was capable of hating anyone. Even when he was being tortured and killed, he asked God to forgive his abusers.
The point of this discussion was to try to discover the REAL reasons why people may have a bad opinion of homosexuals, and have people share stories about the homosexuals in their lives that taught them the truth. I have met many people over the years that did like gay people. After sitting down and talking to them, or interacting with them on neutral grounds I have often been able to shift attitudes. I think there is a stigma out there that homosexuals are "those people", but many people fail to realize that sometimes the people who mean the most in their lives are gay. Your brother is a prime example and I thank you very much for sharing this story!
Tee
1 person likes this
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
7 Dec 08
I shed my early, very weak anti-gay socialisation before I was 25, simply on the grounds that bigotry didn't make any snese to me, but my current feelings came about from a period of three years in the early 90s. My then partner had a gay best friend who was living with AIDS, and being the very competent woman she was, fought this disaster by starting up an AIDS education and support group that is used as a model now in several places around the world.
I became used to the fact that 80% of our friends and visitors were gay men. Any bestiges of bigotry I might have had simply disappeared the more time I spent with them. She managed to get the entire Australian Quilt collection for a showing in the little country town we were living in, and attracted a huge number of visitors. We had several gay couples staying with us as a result,
My then 10 yo son was with us that weekend, and came to me a little puzzled at one stage, and asked, "Are X and Y gay, dad", and when I said yes, he looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "They're just like normal guys." I was very proud of him.
Lash
