She misunderstood me and I am feeling sad, very sad!
By brisk123
@brisk123 (2823)
India
August 27, 2008 7:56pm CST
One of my friend, she is having problems at home and today it got to such an extent that her mother had finally decided to do away with the marriage.She wants a divorce from her abusive and alcoholic husband.I knew her family since 5-6 years.She is my good friend.Since,childhood,she was facing this trauma at home.
Her mother,she is the only earning member at home.Her dad doesn't have a job and creates a lot of problem at home,he not only abuses his wife but also beats her everytime he comes back home drunk.He is a loser.My friend's mother now wants a divorse, but husband is not ready to set her free.He wants to make her life even more miserable.
I had talked about this matter with my friend regarding her father's behaviour,and mother's decision.I supported her mother's decision.I can understand that no child would lik eto see their parents marriage/family breaking apart.However,I had also seen her mother totured badly by her dad.My friend keeps hoping that someday things will get better.This is the only reason why her mother had put up with her father inspite of everything.Mother too deserves to be happy, if not more atleast a peaceful life.I told this to my friend and she got upset with me.I know it is hard but what I feel is we shouldn't keep false hope and faith in someone who is not willing to change at all.Am I wrong?
6 people like this
10 responses
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Aug 08
The only way it is ever going to get better is if he gets sober and stays sober and does whatever therapy he needs to to control his anger problem. And even if he does, why would her mother want to stay with somebody who's been abusing her for so long? At some point enough is enough and you just can't put yourself in that situation any more.
1 person likes this
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
29 Aug 08
Exactly!This is what I told my friend's mom.She had enough of this miserable life,she should have had left long ago when my friend was still small.Her husband drinks even before,and after marriage it got more worst.I am just glad that today they had shifted to another house.One of my cousin will be staying with them for sometime until things get better.
1 person likes this
@JLMack (68)
• United States
29 Aug 08
No, you were not wrong. Her mother has gone through enough, she desirves a life without a drunken abusive man in it. And if her daughter can't see that then she need to get some help. And her father should be locked up. But he won't be locked up till he either puts her in the hospital or kills her. So I hope She gets out and gets the divorce quickly. And you are just trying to be a good friend, so don't you stop caring.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
30 Aug 08
Yup,they really need to and now they are in new place.They had shifted recently.I am so happy.This morning I had talked with her mother,she is for the first time sound so relax and happy.But,my friend she still is not ready to speak with me.She thinks I poisoned her mother's mind.I supported her and this is the reason why she had this courage to leave home and move out.I feel bad.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Aug 08
brisk you are so right and I can understand a bit about
your friend but she should be able to understand you want
only the best for her and her mom. Divorce and fleeing to a shelter for battered women is the only sane way for her mom to go the choice is so clear. Her mom and her do not deserve to
'be mistreated in any way. love should never hurt, he does
not love her, he just lusts and wants her as his slave to
mistreat. Keep up telling your friend the truth and be there
for her. good luck and God Bless.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
29 Aug 08
I will be always there for her inspite of whatever she said to me that day.I know that wasn't "she" who was talking to me that day.It was just a girl who was very upset and depressed.When things will get better,I know she will realized that I don't mean anything bad nor I was doing any wrong to her and her mom.
@celticeagle (168163)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Aug 08
You are so right! No woman should stay in an abusive relationship. She needs to make a plan, and leave. There are places that will help her. Have her call one these places. Check you area. YMCA, your hospitals, such as that for a place and for information.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
29 Aug 08
Hello brisk123,
You are right in every way, but people are funny when its comes to their family she is seeing as interfering so just back off, it their problems they have to sort it out themselves and they won't thank you for interfering in their business and she is his daughter and she still love him even though he is abusive to her, if she is a minor you can report him to the law but it all down to them to sort it out, it is such a sad thing that you can't do anything about it but just be there for her because she really needs you by her side.
Tamara
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
29 Aug 08
Hi brisk123,
Good for you, her mother needs you to talk to her but she is acting like that because she love her father, you are a good friend to her and she will understand soon and will talk to you again, just be there for her and her mother.Bless you.
Tamara
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
29 Aug 08
I can understand her mental situation right now.She is just not "herself".When it comes to our loved ones and family members,we do act bit weird sometimes.She knows that I am not wrong but still she wants to defend her father.I wouldn't have come to know about this whole thing if her mother didn't called me up and told me the whole story.Her mother wanted me to make her understand the situation since we are good friends.That is what I did,and she took me wrong.I am always there for her and I will do everything that I can.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
29 Aug 08
This is what I also feel as the right thing to do for her and her mother.She is upset so,not ready to understand.She always wanted to have a good happy family life but unfortunately, not everybody is lucky.Sometimes though painful,yet we have to go through such pain in life.I just hope she understands this,sooner the better for her and her mom.
@redkathy (3374)
• United States
28 Aug 08
You were correct in telling your friend the truth. She is hurt and loves her parents, as all children do. So many are abused and still do not want to leave their parents. It might help your friend to tell her you love her and are sorry for her hurting, to let her know that you will be there to go through it with her. Her dad will always be her dad and maybe he will better himself because of this decision.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
28 Aug 08
She is not replying to me nor picking my calls.There is no way I can reach her.She stays in town and I am somewhere else now.But, I do care for her and always wants the best for her and her family.She may take me wrong,misunderstand me but I don't mean anything bad for her family.I felt that finally her mom has taken the right decision even though it took her such a long years.You are right her dad will always be her dad but he is less of human and more like a ferocious animal.
@iyah10 (4115)
• Kuwait
28 Aug 08
If i will be in your position although your friend will felt upset with you but I would still do the same thing you do that I would still have to tell your friend that her Mother also deserve to be happy of her life and breaking up or having divorce with the former Husband is one of the good thing she need to do and that must be done already a very long time ago......and you do not have to worry with your friend for the time will passed and she will understand that you only take good care of the Mother's friend and to moved on is to accept the fact that we have in life......
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
28 Aug 08
I know that my friend.Maybe later she will realized the fact.her mother suffered all these years because of her attitude.She emotionally blackmailed her that if she leaves,she won't come along with her.I didn't knew this before until recently.Sometimes I wonder how can she not see the pain in her mother's eyes?
@ydb777 (36)
• United States
28 Aug 08
You are not wrong. Sometimes I think women stay with these type of men so long because they feel sorry for them. But I pray that your friend's mother will get out of that abusive relationship NOW! I know that your friend loves her dad, but you were a true friend by telling her the truth and not what she wanted to hear. Just stay in prayer for them that they are able to seperate from her dad safely.
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
28 Aug 08
I am trying hard to make me feel better saying that what I told her is the right thing but when I saw her reacting this way to me,I realized maybe I did wrong to her.I was thinking more about her miserable mother and her pathetic life,and less about her,I guess.She is a daughter and she needs and loves both her parents.But, one cannot just hang on to false belief of love and having a good happy family someday.Her mother already had given the best of her life.Tried hard to mend his ways and change him to be a better person but it is of no value.It is hopeless!It is never to late for her to take this major decision and so I supported her.I am not happy by the way things are going on in their family.It is terrible.
@ranveersingh (3)
• India
28 Aug 08
the only real solution is awkening with spiritual knowledge,u must help them with courses organised by art of living
