Sending Parents to Old Folks Home...
By deltasswat18
@deltasswat18 (233)
Singapore
August 29, 2008 6:57am CST
Hello mylotters,
Nowadays there are more people sending their parents to old folks home for a variety of reasons:
1) They cannot stand living with their parents.
2) No time to take care of them due to career.
3) They just doesn't give a damn about their parents.
4) They think their parents require professional attention.
Do you think sending parents to old folks home when they are old is a right thing? After all these years of nurturing us? But what if we cannot stand living with them anymore?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
29 Aug 08
It would depend on the needs of the parent. It the parent needs constant medical attention, then I would recommend putting them in a nursing home. I'm also a supporter of "assisted living" facilities. These give seniors a way to live in their own apartment, with all sorts of social activities, but also with medical support for them.
Yes, it is good for adult kids to take care of their aging parents, but only if they are able to see to the needs of their parents. I've seen people destroy their own health trying to take care of their parents or another loved one.
The sad part isn't so much about the decision to put parents in a home, but if they are forgotten by the family once they are there.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
29 Aug 08
and that is the best attitude to have. The problem is, too many parents get beyond the "absolutely necessary" stage and very caring and well meaning adult kids can't get themselves to put their parent in a nursing home.
I'm not exaggerating when I say I've seen people destroy their own health trying to keep up with the needs of their aging parents. It is far more stressful and all consuming than most people realize.
It is absolutly scary what goes on in many nursing homes, and price isn't always what separates the good ones from the hell holes. One of these days I'm going to write an article about ways to tell the good from the bad. As a paramedic in the innercity, I saw them all.
@deltasswat18 (233)
• Singapore
31 Aug 08
Yes, I agree, some parent I seen went overboard and demand too much from the family. And in the end, the elderly daughter-in-law had a divorce. The whole family end up becoming very bitter because of the demanding parents. Maybe they are just trying to get more attention from their kids.
@Beaver72 (446)
•
29 Aug 08
If it was at all possible i'd much rather have my mum live with me when the times comes she can no longer care for herself, she's such an amazing support for me i feel its really the only option that when the time arrives i should (and want to) care for her. With so many unscrupulous nursing homes reported in the media for treating senior citizens with disrespect and even going as far as to physically abuse them its makes me extremely cautious of choosing one. I'm be furious to find a nursing home had treated my mum badly and i'd sue their butts off! So unless it was absolutely necessary my mum wil be coming to live with me if and when the need arises
@srini33333 (710)
• India
29 Aug 08
it happns a lot in India....many old parents r bein sent2 old age homes bec of hearing to their wives advice & not takin care of them...thse thngs need2 change...its really bad..
@deltasswat18 (233)
• Singapore
31 Aug 08
Hello Srini33333,
Thanks for sharing another great culture difference, but I did not quite get your statement. You are saying the children send their parents to old folks home because the son's wife advise him to do so? I thought that the women in India is very submissive to men, if the men insist not to send, there is nothing much the woman can do. Correct me if I am wrong, thanks.
@joyadalia (1408)
• Philippines
29 Aug 08
In the Filipino culture it is taboo to send your parents to such old folks' homes. We have been exposed to a life where our parents took care of us while taking care of their own parents. Old people are cared for. I don't know if I can bear doing that to my mother. You can always hire a caregiver to take care of the old ones at home 
.
.@deltasswat18 (233)
• Singapore
31 Aug 08
Hello Joyadalia,
Thanks for sharing the culture difference, now I know more about Filipino culture. Yeah, make sense, a caregiver can be as good as sending the parents to old folks home. But sometime it is not about the parents being disabled, it is about not able to live in harmony with each other. A caregiver cannot help to harmonize the family.
@Logic316 (1)
• United States
28 Apr 09
The fact is many elderly people are so mentally disabled, that their children simply cannot give them the 24 hour care and supervision that they need. When you have a parent who sneaks out of the house, wanders around, and behaves irrationally and can be a danger to himself and others, you may have no choice but to put him in a nursing home. As long as you visit them regularly and check up on them to make sure that the nursing staff are doing their jobs, then you are fulfilling your family responsibilities.
