Bipolar Children

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Hell friends, I need some help! I have been married for 3 years now, and with it, I have two stepchildren and one biological child. My stepdaughter HAS been diagnosed Oppositionally Defiant, and it has been said she definitely has a mood disorder, which we suspect is bipolar (as her biological mother is bipolar), although the psychiatrist will not name it yet because she is too young (she is 8). She *IS* medicated. She takes abilify, and trazodone to sleep, and also risperdal. We go to therapy also! My husband is in the Army, he is not always here. I am at wits end with this child. I know she hates me because I am not her mom, even though her mom is a drug addicted piece of crap who used to lock her in the closet and tie her to chairs. I can not get this child to even comb her hair, not to mention do her homework, or take any care about her daily routine (brushing teeth, changing underwear, etc). Any nice thing I do, I get punished for by her. If I buy her new clothes, she tears them up, if I give her something, she breaks it. She steals from me (nothing big...YET), just random crafty stuff...buttons, ribbons, etc) When her dad IS here, she undermines my every word by going to ask her dad, because she knows he'll say something different since he doesn't really have a clue what's going on in the house from day to day. She used to get up and wander the house at night, but we finally figured out what was going on, so with the meds, she's better. She beats up kids on the playground, and has tried to severely hurt her 6 year old brother on more than 1 occasion. I'm really just tired. When I got married, I was pleased as punch to be getting a little girl in the deal. I dreamed of all the toenail painting and pajama parties, the days at the salon, etc. Needless to say, these thoughts have come to a screeching halt. Any suggestions for dealing with this child? Help! I really don't know where to go from here! I dread the teenage years. I fear what's going to happen as she grows and she can do worse and worse things to try to piss me off. I feel ill equipped to handle this situation, because I really don't know what to do! If anyone can shed some light on the subject of bipolarism, please help! Is there something else I can do?