Can you really have a heart that is too big?
By barbiegirl13
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
United States
September 2, 2008 8:10am CST
I have this neighbor that has 4 kids all girls ranging in ages from 3 years to 12. She only has 3 of them that live with her. I have been helping them out with food and supplies for almost 2 years now. She does not work but her boyfriend does. I recently just had a baby and I am still collecting my maternity wages. I don't have the money to be really helping anyone but myself out right now but I do it.
Here is my problem, now she wants to go to work and wants me to babysit for her. Her 3 and 4 year olds are still not potty trained and she only wants to pay me 50 a week to watch her 3 kids 7 days a week. I feel as though she has taken advantage of me in the past and I don't think that she will come thru with payment. I have been stressing out so much over this that I could not even sleep last night. She made the comment to me yesterday that going to work would be a break for her. So in other words I feel that for little pay and a lot of stress on my part that her ( break) is going to break me. How can I get out of this. I think that she has always gotten something for nothing and I fear that she is going to do that now with me. How can I tactfully get out of this?
7 people like this
11 responses
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I'd simply tell her that you've thought about it and with a new baby to care for you don't think you can handle any more kids right now. I'd also start cutting back on the helping out with food and supplies...eventually stopping all together. You need to look out for you and yours and let her take care of her own. If they need help, they can go to public assistance. There are some ppl that just keep taking as long as someone is handing it out. I hope it works out for you.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
2 Sep 08
She already gets public assistance or welfare. She has bragged in the past about getting $878 a month in food stamps. But she says that the go through all that money in a month for food.
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I agree. almost $900 in food stamps would be enough for several families. I guess that is why my family eats hot dogs and hers' eat steak and ribs.
@Phelyne (129)
• United States
2 Sep 08
If she's getting $878 in food stamps, she should have plenty to make it through from the time she gets it until her next allotment. She needs to learn how to shop. It was very nice of you to help, but, she's just using you and she's not going to stop on her own.
1 person likes this
@WhatsHerName (2716)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Tell her you don't have time to watch her children for next to nothing because you are too busy spending any extra time you can manage to find, posting on myLot.
No, I think you should come out and tell her the truth. Tell her $50.00 isn't enough. Tell her that her past history shows she will probably take advantage of you and not pay at all. Tell her you simply can't afford financially, mentally or physically to babysit. I know it's hard but the truth is the best. I had a hard time telling people the truth when I was younger. But as you grow older you will see there are many, many people like this just waiting for someone like you to come along for them to take advantage of. Chances are she will find someone else. What's the worst thing that can happen? She might get mad at you and you can save money? Odds are she won't get mad at you if she does it won't be for long. Some people think nothing of taking as much as they can and as often as they can from others.
Once you tell someone like this the truth it's as if you feel free and like everything else, practice makes perfect.
1 person likes this
@WhatsHerName (2716)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I raised three by myself. I almost never had anyone babysit my children. I took them with me wherever I went and always managed to be blessed with jobs that were flexible enough to let me bring them or understood when I had to stay home. I also got jobs during the same hours they were at work. I didn't trust anyone with them. No one can love our children as much as we can. I had them so I could raise them, not the neighbor.
I think it's the society we live in. Everyone seems to think only of themselves. It's so sad to see so many people who are so selfish they don't even love the children they gave birth to.
1 person likes this
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Oh boy, WhatsHerName, thank you for your response. What gives people the adasity to even take advantage of people? I mean I have 4 beautiful kids ranging from ages 12 years to 6 weeks. I would never dream of asking anyone other than myself and God to take care of us. Yes I am well educated and take care of my own and mine I would like to care for more. I guess I have been had; big laugh on me the nice gal across the alley, but no more. I will no longer help her.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Tell her NO! Tell her that you have to go back to work soon and that you simply cannot do it anymore. Her children should not be your responsibility, and yes, she is taking advantage of you.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
2 Sep 08
Just tell her that with the added responsibility of your new baby, you don't feel like you could take on the extra work of babysitting for her. Let her know that you are on maternity leave and will be going back to work. Sounds to me like you have done more than your fair share for this woman. One reason she could be asking you to do it is the fact that they are not potty trained, and at that age, most nurseries won't accept them if they are not potty trained. And think about it, that would be one less responsibility she would have to deal with, you would end up potty training her two children. If telling her tactful doesn't work, then just plain out tell her 'no, you can't do it.' Some people don't 'get it' when told tactfully.
1 person likes this
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I know that I should just tell her no. It is hard when she puts me on the spot. Her kids don't have this or they don't have that she says. That is why she wants to work. But I think that she is just taking advantage of my situation. I am a medical transcriptionist and the hospital the hospital that I work for is going to let me do my work from home because I have experience now. She knows this and thinks that I can take care of her three kids plus be able to do my work at home. I like to keep a neat and orderly house, I am somewhat 'anal' about my house and how clean it is. I think that I will just tell her that I can not keep up with my obligations to my family and my job and still watch her kids. I would not have had a problem with her wanting help to get back up on her feet if she would not have made the comment about going to work for her would be her 'break'. Everyone makes their own bed and it should not be up to others to give her a 'break'! Thanks for your response.
@AndrewFreyne (6281)
• United Kingdom
2 Sep 08
I feel sorry for your present situation. It sounds to me that you are being taken advantage of. It also sounds as though you have a very big heart, someone who I definitely would like to be around! Anyway, I guess you have to be tactful but you have to tell her the truth. You have to tell her how you are feeling. Have you ever attempted this? When you are nice to someone and very giving then sometimes it can backfire on you. That's not to say that we shouldn't be giving and caring. I guess we should always give someone the benefit of the doubt and then see how the situation develops. You are not in the wrong though for having a heart of gold! Sadly there will be others that take advantage of you when you are overly nice. Good luck and I hope that things work out for you. Andrew
1 person likes this
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
2 Sep 08
Yes I guess what I am trying to do is give her the benefit of a doubt. She says that she would like to work and try to get herself and her kids into a better situation. I am just now having a 'gut feeling' that this may not be all true. I am just getting tired of every time I turn around she is wanting something. Nice people have feelings too and I think that she uses her kids as pawns to get the help and kindness of people that just can't say no.
1 person likes this
@AndrewFreyne (6281)
• United Kingdom
2 Sep 08
It sounds to me like she is content and happy in her situation. Things are easy for her right now, and it seems like she may have some fear returning to the workplace! I guess after such a long period of time there is the tendency to become fixed in your circumstances, so much so that you do not want to change! This is the way I think it is for your neighbour. I know that I have mentioned that you should make known your feeligs to her but in truth, I don't know what your situation is like. It's easy for me to say that you should do this or you should do that but, I guess in your heart you know what is right. They say that you should follow your intuition as this is always correct, this is a kind of spiritual guidance counsellor that you always have at your disposal. Maybe there's some advice that you can seek in your local area, like a free advice guidance scheme or something? What you do need is support so that you have people on your side, who actually understand what you are going through. Good luck. Andrew
1 person likes this
@PuddlesUyeji (103)
• United States
2 Sep 08
Sometimes you have to step up and ask for more money.
1 person likes this
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I think that instead , Tomorrow I will just step up and tell her that I cannot babysit for her. It has become to much for me to handle. Not only that I don't have the time to spend with my 7 week old because I am always running after and changing her 4-year-old. Thanks.
@Gwapako_28 (2140)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
Everyone of us can have a big heart. but sometimes, you have to choose who those people and you should give limitations on it... because if not, they will take advantage on you and at the end you will still bed for them... so beware... if i where you, you have to say no and tell your reason about it...
@SangsTurks (1444)
• India
3 Sep 08
All that the other lady is doing is "Taking you for GRANTED". Put your foot down and tell her an assertive NO. Just let her know that our are not responsible for her family and that you need to be with your child more than to cater to her children. I know that it sounds very shelfish, but so be it. Your child is much much younger that her kids and she can easily find someone else to babysit her kids. if you want to be the goody types just tell her that you are having some physical problem after your child was born and that you wont be able to babysit her children. And kids that age are very inquisitive too.
@joeytribiani (34)
•
4 Sep 08
stay away from this person. You have to draw boundaries. If she wants to work, let her - go and get a quote from another babysitter and just say look, i'll do it for $x.xx per week
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I told her that most babysitters around the area charge up near three dollars and hour per kid. Once I broke that down to her she said that that would be a lot of money. Three lids times $3 times 8 hours. Last I heard she says now that is not goin to work.
