Dear Sir or Madam

Like you I often have a case of the `missing biscuits`,in fact I have been tempted to hire a Private eye to assist with my investigations.But the fact of the matter is that once the wrapper is opened ..my left hand..because im a left hander..wanders idly toward the packet,that lays teasing me..and being a mere mortal..well..say no more..the biscuits are demolished one by one,systematically..and im ashamed to say that I feel no guilt,not even a teensy weensy bit.A cup of tea cant posssibly be enjoyed without the accompaniment of a biscuit,and im none too fussy what kind of biscuit either!there are ones that I wouldnt give a second look,that become my favourites when they are the only kind left.in my dreams I fantasise about chocolate digestives..but they do recommend a dose of Bisodol if you have overdone things Pike my boy .

Very sly, I wonder if the company would be good enough to notice your ... error... So you haven't been eating any biscuits eh?

I am writing a similar letter of complaint that mentions the missing contents of a whole jar of smooth peanut butter and an empty squeeze bottle of chocolate syrup... I am a single dude who doesn't have any kids, and neither of my four Lady friends spent the night with me last night, so what gives?

The cookie monster broke in and stole them??? Darn little blue guy!

Dear Mr. P1kefish, We are of the opinion that most of our customers are typical restrained, polite Brits, who understand the joy of eating only one or two of our biscuits at a time, thereby prolonging the pleasure over several tea times. We are aware however, that as our biscuits are of the highest quality and taste, that there are those of you who throw caution to the winds and plow their way through a box without thinking about 'tomorrow'. We can only surmise that in your delirium of gluttony, you did not stop to think of the consequences. We are sending you a box of bicarbonate of soda, and suggest that from here on in, you buy TWO boxes at a time. Thank you for your patronage.

I confess! I ate them! I first had real Scottish shortbread when we had a visitor from Scotland when I was about 8 years old. When I was in my late 20s, my teen sister came to live with me every summer and we discovered an awesome store that sold all Scottish things - including the shortbread. Eventually the grocery stores started selling it too. But I cannot get enough. I did it!

Dear Mr.Fish, We make over one million batches of these shortbread fingers each year, some are 'joke' ones, the sort that once you open them, they disintigrate. You see, they contain a secret ingredient which reacts with the air, once the ingredient and air mix, voila! No more shortbread. Congratulations on finding one of our 'special' packets. For your reward, we will send you one hundred packs of virtual* shortbread. I hope you are happy with this explanation. Yours Sincerely, S.Omeone *please note that as it is 'virtual' it will be sent via your computer wires or fibre optic cable.

This has happened here but it's usually Cadburys chocolate fingers that disappear. If you happen to have furniture or clothing made from natural fibres e.g. leather furniture or pure wool clothing then they are the culprits. After trying the complaint you make I was told that leather settees particularly like to eat chocolate fingers and that is why they disappear even if no-one is there to eat them.

LOL only 16 biscuits? I can assure you that I'd've had those down before midnight!

Dear Sir, Thank you for your recent contact about you empty package of our cookies. This is the first time we have heard of our cookies sprouting arms and legs, opening the package, marching out of one's pantry and into ones mouth in the dark of night. We have happily enclosed a coupon for another package along with a video camera to see if you can catch this amazing phenomenon again. If you can, we shall pay you a large amount of money to appear on a commercial. We do hope you are feeling a little better, and look forward to seeing the amazing video Sincerely, The Amazing Disappearing Shortbread Cookie Company

Dear P1kef1sh, Thank you for your recent patronage. i have heard as of late that there are a band of gremlins terrorizing many of our patrons. Seems they have laid gremlin eggs in our warehouse, and are hatching all over. Terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Should other household items start to go missing do not be alarmed. Most non-edible things will be returned. Unfortunately your pantry may appear full at first glance but you will most likely find empty cartons upon further inspection. Again, horribly sorry for the inconvenience. Enclosed you will find coupons for replacement items. Hope to see you soon. Sincerely, property General Manager Mylot Markets

Hmm ... open Tuesday afternoon ... disappeared by 11.45am Wednesday. Two words. Crap effort.

You ate the whole packet, and didn't leave even one for me? Not nice, little man, not nice, at all! Oh, wait, you said they were from Germany? Still shortbread is shortbread. Shame, shame, shame!

hmm the odd coffee and eating a biscuit?!?! i think there may be a p1ke out there with a few calories to burn off today!! haha xxx

Hi p1ke so you have a funny tummy and have had the odd biscuit here and there with you tea or coffee,mmm, now you say the packet of shortbread biscuits is empty and has been in your eyesight all the time..well my diagnosise is that you have subcontually eaten your shortbread biscuits yourself and that is probably ehy you have a funny tummy...my prescription for you is that you cannot really do anything about it so will have to let it pass..littleowl

hi Pikefish oh my well that is a dilemmna maybe there were gremlins in the house that just had to have a shortbread or two or three. Gremlins with a fishy tinge about them who 'sipped tea or coffee and nibbled on your biscuits. lol. Wonder if you would get an answer and a reward too?

I'm sorry while you got up i snuck some..so you aren't really at complete fault...I wanted to come and say Hi but saw those and got distracted..I left right after so you wouldn't know..it took me awhile to come back here and post, but now i'm confessing..Thanks they were very good..tell me when you get more and I'll be Back! Huggs and Love

I so not understand how that stuff disappeared. Is it consumable in the air also. I think these eatable things have some guarantee too. Please check again and then come.

Hi plkelsh, It must have been the plkelets that was maaking you have cravings and you didn't notice because you were having all those cups of coffee, still you don't have to tell them it was those plkelets that done. Your friend. Tamara

are you sure you didn't eat them?