family vs lover

When I began dating a certain man my mom insisted it wasn't the right time for me because I had recently left my childrens father. She insisted that I had to put my kids first for now on. First thing first I always put my kids first but that did not mean that I couldn't have a life of my own as well. We joke about this all the time, usually I would follow my mothers advice and this time I did not. I have been happily married for 20 years now. Mom just says well sheesh darlin you didn't say you loved him. My thought was hello I was a full grown adult he is the only one that had to know how I felt about him. Oh and he is her favorite son in law out of the four of them.

Of course, I'll choose the one I love.. I love my family but sometimes it isn't good that they will dictate me on what should I do or to whom should I love.. I believe that our heart can't be teach because it has its own mind to decide/choose to whom it will beats... It is hard to be with someone we don't love, it seems that we are just fooling and destroying our own happiness.. I just can't imagine myself being with someone I don't love.. I just can't understand why there are some parents who are not concern about the happiness of their children and why they keep on controlling the lives of their children.. They always say that "it is the best for our children" but obviously that their children isn't happy after all.. Is it really the best for their children or they were just thinking what's the best for themselves?? Sometimes, they were so unfair because they never listen but they always want us (children) to listen to them.. So, I hope those parents who were like this, please don't let your children suffer so much pain just because they didn't follow what you want/like for them.. Just set them free and be happy for them.. Isn't it that's the role of the parents?? To be happy with their children and to see their children happy... Anyways, I am proud to say that I'm so lucky that my parents/family are not that kind of persons.. Our parents always think what's best for us and most of all they always think what makes us happy.. They don't control our lives... We are the one who we will choose to whom we want to spend the rest of our lives, they don't contradict with our decisions for as long as we know how to accept the consequences might happen and most of all we are happy on that decisions.. Happy posting .....

I would like to be in a dormant stage until and unless my parents understand that the guy whom i have chosen is good im not going to marry him and if he is not ready to wait then i can understand that who is important for me if he is willing to wait and my parents would understand the guy i chose is a good match of mine and everything would be normal

This is one of the simplest question, but hardest to answer. One of the reason is that most of us including me will get confused on thinking what to do and will get carried on thinking again and again. I will try to answer it by thinking in both ways. First on the lover's side. The person whom we loves most times loves us very much and we cannot let them down. On family side, most times the elders are more experienced and most times they know what is good for us and about 90% of them make the right choice and know if a person is correct for us or not.

I can sooo relate to that!!!! Hahaha. There was a time when I was living with my dad and my brother and so they would expect me to come home everyday. I'd make excuses for me to sleep in my "friends" house only for them to find out that I've been sleeping with my girl all the time. But anyway the point is its even favorable for me to stay with my girl rather than family, although that was a long time ago. I don't know why. Maybe because I['m thinking that my girl has more consideration for me and takes me easier than my dad does. And when I'm home I'm supposed to do loads of stuff that I'm not even supposed. Plus the fact that I'm not really very close with my dad because of his attitude. I still have to do stuff I do at my girl's place (dishes and stuff) but I'm happy for doing it for her.. Its probably the love I get from her which I favor more than the love that my family gives me. And she takes good care of me~ as opposed to my dad and bro's although they're family. Its still different. Really confusing. Good topic! :)

Well, it depends on the situation. I can't tell you what to do, of course. But just look at the circumstances and you will know the answer. Remember to use not only your heart, but also your brain.

I ran into this problem years ago with my family and now husband . They didn't agree that I should be with him and the reason was ridiculous . My family felt that my boyfriend ( now husband ) was beneath my somehow because his family was on welfare . What his parents were like didn't dictate to me what he would be like and so I remained with him . Today we now have five children and he proved himself to be an incredibly hard worker . It took many years for my family to see this and after 19 years they don't all see this as they don't want to be wrong in their first judgement of him . I agree with you that we have to make the judgements for ourselves , family is not going to live with the person and don't have a right to pass their judgements on someone else . You never know what a person is really like until you live with them and making judgements based on what their family is like , the color one is , or because they just plain don't like them is not enough of a reason for someone to give up their relationship with the person they love to make their family members happy . It is ridiculous that others feel the need to get into one's buisness because somehow they are more in the knowing then you yourself . It is alright if someone wants to offer how they feel about a person but to make you feel that you should give up the person you love to make them happy , shows how they are only concerned about themselves and not about you !!

I never had this problem although I did see my father trying to dissuade some of my siblings from their wannabes. In our family we always respected the choices we all made even if disagreements were expressed. Thank God for this civility !

HI,i was give the importance of my family.because parents are always thinking of childerns life.they have give good suggetions and heiping.i am not support for lover.

i will surely prefer my family....as they know much better about me then myself since i was a child....so its better to let them choose a better-half for u rather then choosing a one of at ur own.....

If i were in that situation i will choose my family. I believe that men will come and go but your family will stay. I know that they only want what is best for me. Sometimes when were in love we are blind with the things that others see towards our partner. More often we choose to ignore the things that they have notice towards our partner then later on we realized that they were right and all we can do is regret. Aside from that most of the time relationship wont last when there is misunderstanding between your family and the person you choose to love. I dont wanna live a life where i cant live in peace and seeing my partner unhappy whenever there are family gatherings coz he is not accepted. Making decision on which to choose doesnt only involved what you feel for that person but taking into consideration as well what is best for your partner.

If your family loves you, they will be happy whatever you will decide in your life specially if we talk about love life or the person we are going to love. We love our family of course but they can't decide for us. We have the right to made our decisions as long as we know that were happy. That's what matters most. Happiness should come first. If they will be angry with you, and then the reason that they will neglect you then stand for it. For time comes, they will realize that what you had decided is right. All you have to do is keep going and make your life successful as they want you to be.

if you really love that someone so much then just ignore what other people says including your family that will keep the two of you together. but i know a case wherein the girl just wouldn't let go of the guy even though its obvious not just to her but to everyone around them that the guy is mistreating her. i don't think that's love anymore, it's just stupid.

I believe that you and your mate are the only ones that absolutely can make that decision of being together,if you love each other.The two of you know whether it is meant to be or not.Regardless of what the family thinks of one that someone is dating,isnt the ultimate goal is to find someone YOU love not someone that your family loves,although it would be good if your family likes them,especially if you have family functions.All in all I believe the two in love should make the decision of being together no matter what anyone thinks.

Well I dont associate with my family..in fact I've not spoken to any of them in quite some time so what they think wouldnt be an issue....BUT even if I was close to them etc their opinion, which they are of course entitled to, wouldnt matter to me...They arent dating that person I AM and if i'm happy and as a couple we're happy and there is respect etc etc then thats all that counts.

Well. I think i will also choose my lover. But if problems get too serious then i might have to choose my family.

At one point in my life I would have said choose the lover. Now that I'm older I don't think so. My family wasn't thrilled with the choice of husband that I married. I didn't understand why, but it was a constant issue to try and keep everyone happy for so many years. Finally I came to realize my ex was not a good person, and my marriage ended - thank the Gods. Family stays, they are always there in good and bad times. But partners come and go with the tides. I've loved several, some relationships I've ended, some they have. But thru out all of it family was there.

Well I think it should be that you listen to them and verify the reasons why they don't like your partner. Sometimes we also have to use our head when we are in love. Often we fail too see some bad points about our partner and only other people around us see it. So I think if your family see something bad in your partner tell it to your partner and prove to your family that he or she is worth it. In that way you wouldn't have to choose between the two and that no one would get hurt in the end.

it is hard to choose among from them!...but it depend to you!..if you cn live independent you can choose your lover!...but if not!..dont choose your lover!...promise! youll suffer!..

It is my belief that a person who shows signs of maturity -- in that all other choices they may have made in their life seem to be pretty "sound" -- should be left alone by family...even if they may not particularly like their choice of a partner. From my own experience, I have a neice (now 20) who was pregnant at 16 years old, had the baby -- but with NO commitment WHATSOEVER with the father of the child (who was 14 at the time). I know....not the perfect situation at all. My family was and has been very supportive for the past 4 years (since this happened). The baby grew up and is a precious 3 year old little boy with the best personality ever. He is truly a BLESSING. On the flip-side of things, his mother has still had an "on again-off again" rollercoaster-kind-of relationship the entire time. She thinks she can't live without him. The dad (now 18) still lives at his mom's house, has no job or ambition for life in general and doesn't pay support or help my neice financially. She goes to college part time and also works -- all while he's laid up on the couch day after day....doing NOTHING! Now, I have to tell you, my family loves my neice and her little boy dearly, but nothing will make us more hot than to see her going back over to this guys' house (after he has basically disrespected her from day one). While it's true that they were both "kids" when she became pregnant, he should have been held accountable to support and be there for her and the baby if he wanted to stay in their lives. He just doesn't seem to get it and it's obvious that my neice doesn't either! It is very frustrating for family members to sit back and be calm while someone is throwing their life away by patrionizing a person who doesn't love them and mistreats them. It is also sad for the child. What a pitiful example for this little boy to see for how a woman should be treated. It's sad that she has been such a great protector and provider, but can't see the dangers in staying with this guy. She sees something there, while we see NOTHING. She is now 20 years old, but doesn't show signs of maturity to make good decisions and choices that will affect her life, as well as her son. If she DID make good choices that weren't a danger to the child or herself (he has been abusive as well), then we wouldn't really have a reason to question her. I would suggest a person to sit down and write a "PRO'S and CON'S" list. What are the positives about the person you are with? What are the negative's? If the negative that your family sees are selfish things on THEIR part, thats one thing. But if they are legitamite issues that may have a bad impact on your life, it's something to seriously think about. They love you and want the best for you, I'm sure. They are probably older and more experienced too. I wish you the best and hope you are happy no matter what you choose! Everyone deserves to be happy in their relationships, that's for sure. YOU are no exception! :)