Please keep track of your deities!
By dark4eyes
@dark4eyes (161)
United States
September 4, 2008 1:43am CST
I needed to cash a check so my roommate and a friend stayed in the car while I went to the bank in the grocery store near our house.
I'm standing there in the line, minding my own business, when this young, not too bad looking guy in a suit comes up to me, sticks a bible in my face and asks "Have you found Jesus?"
Okay, I'm not a small person and I have what my nephew calls a BIG VOICE. I don't like to be bullied either and I've been an atheist for a LONG time.
I just couldn't resist coming back with "What have you lost him AGAIN?! in my best PROJECTED voice (my Drama teacher would have been SO proud)
"Honestly, if you people can't keep track of your deities, I don't know WHY you bother having them! Why do you expect other people to keep track of them for you!?"
The guy just stared at me.
I pointed toward the doors and said 'There's no use you searching in here. Now get outside and see whether you left him in the car! I just hope he hasn't died of the heat - it's over a hundred degrees out there. "
The guy made what is best described as a FISH FACE then wandered off toward the doors shaking his head.
The other folks in the line and the bank clerks broke into cheers and laughed like crazy.
When I got to the front of the line and started taking care of my business, the clerk told me that bozo had been bothering people all day and the store security had thrown him out of the store three times that day already.
Ya know, from what I heard later - that guy NEVER came back. Guess he's still looking.
9 people like this
15 responses
@SangsTurks (1444)
• India
4 Sep 08
Wow, that was a amazing reply. I wish you could have also wished him Best of Luck for his pursuit! I honestly dont understand people like that. Why is that you have to throw religion on somebody's face, even God wouldn't like being tossed around when he dosnt want to!! People like this deserve to be answered like this. Give respect to God, and dont force people to find god. they would eventually when their time comes.
6 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Actually I had him at a disadvantage - I've had a lot of practice.
My aunt is the most Baptist Catholic in the universe. She can't say two words without putting a bible verse between them. She freaks when I throw one back at her that proves ME right and her wrong. She whines to my mom (who isn't quite as rabidly Catholic) and Mom tells her to quit slinging scripture at me when she knows I'm not interested. Makes the aunt SO mad.
3 people like this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
4 Sep 08
hahahaha. You sound like me.
One day years ago I was Downtown Minneapolis when a woman approached me pinning a beauiful rose to my shirt saying, "Today is gentelmans day." Then she started about findsing Jesus. I turned my pockets inside out saying, "Damn I've lost that little bugger again." Not to be mean but to disperse her I had hopes. Then she g=iggled and went on her speil on Jesus and being saved etc. She then handed me a Bible. "A gift" as she stated. I took the bible gladly then started to walk away. She grabbed my arm saying, "We do ask for a small donation for that Bible sir." I said, "you handed it to me saying it was a gift. Thank you very much." I walked away keeping the rose and Bible. I am not anti religion, I just hate strangers on the streets cramming it down your throat in an effort to get cash from me.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
4 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I've told people that religion is like broccolli - if you like it, great! Eat up. But if somebody doesn't like it nobody should be shoving it down their throat.
Even though I'm not a "believer" - I'm pretty Live and Let Live - at least until somebody shoves it into my face - then I'm perfectly willing to let them know what I REALLY think.
2 people like this
@CinderInMySoul (4717)
• United States
4 Sep 08
LMAO!! oh that is fantastic! im usualy pretty quick on the come-back, but i would have NEVER thought to say anything like that!! my response most likely would have been rude right back.
ppl like that give a bad name to the whole religion.
4 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
4 Sep 08
He didn't know what he was messing with and well, he WOULD force me to embarrass him.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
oh my g dark4eyes Iam still laughing. now i knowwhat to say
when the next Jehovahs witnesses come round asking me if i have found Jesus. I can just hear myself copying you, but I might say also Oh I didnt know he was lost? You gave him a dose of his
own medicine and I bet he was totally confused, maybe even looking of his lost deities as you put it.3 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Glad to give you a laugh. This happened about 5 years ago and I'm STILL laughing.
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
4 Sep 08
Hi dark4eyes,
Wow! you have really made my day, I couldn't stp laughin reading your post, I hust don't know these people go round picking people like us, why don't go and preach to those youngster that hang around the street corners up to no good, but I next time I get one of them like that I'm going to repeat what you said to him, that is a good one.
Tamara
3 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
4 Sep 08
GRIN. Elic has a couple of good stories to add.
2 people like this
@kyellis (105)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I understand exactly how you feel. I'm not an athiest and it still bothers me - I bet just as much as you. I have my own personal beliefs and to me they are personal. Unless I search out these people, I don't think they should try to "save" me.
I've always felt that people that do these sort of things just have another form of addiction. They have probably traded a former addiction for this one and they cling to it just as whole heartedly as the last addiction.
There is no point in being polite with them as they will take that to mean they can come back and bother you some other time. I have had to learn the hardway and just not answer the door when they come calling.
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
5 Sep 08
I TRY to be patient with these people, but this guy just had it coming.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
5 Sep 08
I know how you feel dark4eyes, I was brought up a Catholic, but I am never going back to that cult. I am an Agnostic (which most people say is one step away from being an Atheist), but I cannot stand people who do that. I had a few Morons, oops, I mean Mormons, come to my door asking if I had found Jesus Christ, and I said, "Did you not read the sign? No soliciting in this area!" and one of the men answered back, "Do you have a dictionary? Can you look up the word 'soliciting'?" and I was ready to slug the guy, but instead I then told him in a loud voice to "GO AWAY!". They have not been to my house since, but the next time they do, I am just going to throw my Satantic Bible in their faces, and see what kind of reaction I get. These guys are so much fun to mess with.
2 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Wow this sounds like something I'd do if provoked long enough. I really get tired of the Jesus freaks thinking it's OK to violate personal space and shove bibles and their noses where they do not belong. I mean, really, in a store I'm minding my own business and doing my own thing. I'd rather not have to deal with a bible bully while trying to cash my check or buying groceries.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
5 Sep 08
A Long time ago, before I ever met "The Blink", I was waiting for the former roommate to get out of work. Well, I had parked my car and was waiting on the steps outside her job for her to come. Then I would run to where the car was and bring it around.
While I was waiting, I was saying a rosery.
These 2 young people came up - well I was on the University campus and while I was well into my 20's I still passed for a student - and asked me to join them later at the Catholic Student center.
I grimmly finished my decade and crossed myself. I then asked why they were bother me when it was obvious that I already had a faith like theirs. I then waved back at the campus in general. "Why don't you go bother those pagans out there?" I asked.
"We just thought..." one started.
"Well, you thought wrong. I'm not a student, I'm waiting for my roommate to get off work and I would like to get back to my prayers."
I then crossed myself again and started the next decade.
They kind of walked away and I turned my back on them, because looking at them was just going to make me madder and I didn't need that when I'm trying to pray.
I did a decade just for calm and then finished my prayers before the roomie came out. By then I thought it was funny!
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
5 Sep 08
ROTFLMAO!!! That is so freaking awesome. I love that .. It's like where I live we have mormon missionaries that come and preach to you by knocking on your door and spreading the word. Most of them are very polite and if you say I'm not interested they don't rebuttal you. well my S/O felt like being nice to them one day and mind you he was baptized catholic and he's none practicing. But they were they were telling him this and that I was feeding trina who at the time was about 2 months old when I heard my other half yell at them to get off our porch. Seems they told him that his religion was wrong and a lie and someother things. LOL!! Bad mistake very bad mistake. Wether or not he practices his religion or not doesn't matter what matters is the told him he was wrong.. Nope can't have that . LOL!! So they got and earful and ran off red faced. LOL!!
That is so freaking awesome. I love that .. It's like where I live we have mormon missionaries that come and preach to you by knocking on your door and spreading the word. Most of them are very polite and if you say I'm not interested they don't rebuttal you. well my S/O felt like being nice to them one day and mind you he was baptized catholic and he's none practicing. But they were they were telling him this and that I was feeding trina who at the time was about 2 months old when I heard my other half yell at them to get off our porch. Seems they told him that his religion was wrong and a lie and someother things. LOL!! Bad mistake very bad mistake. Wether or not he practices his religion or not doesn't matter what matters is the told him he was wrong.. Nope can't have that . LOL!! So they got and earful and ran off red faced. LOL!!2 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
5 Sep 08
LMAO Now see that is something that I would love doing .. I swear some people don't knwo when to take no for an answer. LOL!!!
2 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
5 Sep 08
Pity they don't CARE what YOU believe. You HAVE to believe the same way they do. If they had any respect for other people's beliefs they wouldn't be harassing people who aren't the least bit interested.
My mother and the mother of a friend are wonderful people. They all believe VERY strongly in their religion and I can respect that. They don't preach at me. They prefer to live by their faith rather than preach it. My grandmother was the same way. They DID try when I was a kid, but when it became clear that I wasn't interest, they left me alone.
I have respect for the nuns and priests (who aren't molesting children anyway) and the beauty of the art that has come down over the centuries, but these people who insist on ambush conversions annoy me.
I DON'T have any respect for the "used car salesmen" like Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, Jim Bakker and the ilk because they're con artists who are in it purely for the money.
2 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
5 Sep 08
Sorry I MEANT to say that I respect the priests - at least the ones who aren't molesting children.
2 people like this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
5 Sep 08
You're very welcome - Like I said above, if enough of them push back when they ambush us, they MIGHT stop being such pains.
Have a great weekend.
1 person likes this
@6precious102 (4043)
• United States
5 Sep 08
Yours was a great response. I am a Christian, but people like that bother me and give Christianity a bad name. Thanks for an amusing story and a great life lesson.
@goddessjes (788)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
i've nothing against religious individuals. my parents are very very religiuos that they even tell us what to do and how to practice our faith when we were younger.
but now they trust that they've done their best to mold us to better individuals. they trust our judgment and our discretion.
i've experienced being monitored when it comes to attending mass weekly. but my sister, brother and i were resistant. we'd like going to mass. we'd pretend going to mass when in fact we'd go somewhere else. but my parents eventually found out. they then realized that faith is not imposed.
now that we're adults they'd just let us practice our faith in our own right. although the condition is not to offend and criticize other people who practice their faith very religiously.
i respect religious individuals, but i don't adore the fanatics. that is the difference. being religious is still respectable, but being fanatic, it's a different story.
1 person likes this
@dark4eyes (161)
• United States
5 Sep 08
Go for it, darlin' Use it. Gotta give them "the attitude" too. Like you're totally fed up with a stubborn child! If enough of us give them that attitude, maybe they'll leave folks alone.
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
5 Sep 08
I had to laugh when I read this. Good for you! I have said, on occasion, I didn't know he was lost. They usually just blink, then try to explain what they meant.
1 person likes this
