Hi here's some of my story... please share yours

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I've been pretty low for quite a while now and I thought I'd explain a bit about myself and and hopefully some of you will share also.. I and two brothers were born to alchoholic parents, and I was abused by my grandfather on my mothers side from 7 til I was 12, at the same time violence in our house was pretty ruthless. one day when I was 14 I retaliated and broke my dads collerbone after having my nose broke for leaving a light on. I put myself in care the next day. Over this time I'd started doing various drugs with my middle brother. I had a year in my foster home(I'll never forget my foster parents they were wonderful) and then my f£$"%* replacement dumb *ss social worker put me back with my parents, within a few hours I was homeless, I was 16. I remained homeless for the next 2 years and got in to heroin and had a full blown habit. the next few years were a classic addicts life. My parents had split up and moved away( I found out from a friend) . I was going to score one day and I was around 19-20(its difficult to remmember) and my little brother rushes round the corner(I'd not seen him for 3 years) stops me and explains that dad has come to help me. I meet with my father and he basically say's come with me to Essex and we'll get you clean. I say yep lets go. I detoxed over six weeks on my own with no help from professionals, and then 2 weeks after that, my dad died in my arms from a massive coronary.To try and descibe the devastation I felt is pointless(my father had apologized for being a drunk and a bad father and had stopped drinking some time ago). I then became the legal gaurdian of my little brother and over this time I was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety disorder. I struggled raising him over 3 years and then fell back into heroin(my little brother was taken away from me). I carried on using until I was 27 and got into a rehab. after nearly two years of rehab,I started my life again.about two years ago my brother died from a combination of his heroin addiction, blood posioning and weak immune system. My whole world turned to grey. He was my parent and I his. I loved him so much it broke my heart.my girlfriend at the time left me because she wasn't able or unwilling to deal with my grief(kind of a double body blow) I remember times like once me and my brother were thrown out at 2 in the morning on christmas day and we sung john lennon's 'so this is Christmas' laughing at ourselves. God how I miss him. to sum up how I feel is quite difficult. It's been the second anniversy of his death, and I'm so tired emotionally physically and spiritually. I've been trying so hard to be a better person but nothing seems to be going my way. I'm tired,fed up, lonely, a little bitter and really short on optimism. My little brother is hooked on heroin and I'm doing my best to get him into a rehab,all the while dreading that call to tell me he's dead. sometimes I get the feeling that me and my family desereved this( I accept the descions I made which was to take heroin) or nothing good can ever come from us.I'm just a 33 year old man who never quite grew up and is continually haunted by my past. Sometimes I'm with Jay from Jay and Silent Bob "goddammit I think the world's f#*#*# out to get us man"I know that was long.. if you feel you want to share please post but please do not disclose anything that will make you feel uncomfortable or allow you to be easily identified.take care Jimbo