Do you look people straight in the eyes?
By semicolonp
@semicolonp (518)
Philippines
September 4, 2008 8:19am CST
I have a problem looking people in the eyes. Not if they're family or long-time friends I've seen drunk of their heads and spouting poetry to the nearest potted plant, obviously, but those more on the "casual friends" category. Acquaintances. Friends of friends. New classmates/workmates.
My mother said said it's a bad habit I need to curb because she was taught that people who don't look you straight in the eyes are people with something to hide, people you're not supposed to tryst if you can help it. I understand that this is more a cultural thing — there are countries where direct eye contact is considered rude, after all. But if we were to disregard cultural and geographical boundaries, are you someone who can look at not-quite-close person right in the eye without suddenly wanting to look at a point over their shoulders? Or someone who feel such an act too intimate?
7 people like this
37 responses
@shiloh_222 (5479)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
hi there.. how true. eye contact is important in a conversation... hehehee
@ralphcharleston (492)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
yeah ofcourse, the key for you to convey your message to a person effectively is by looking at her eyes. But still there are times that i cant look straight at her eyes, this are times that when i am talking to my crush or my idol. hehehe lol =)
@semicolonp (518)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
LOL! Yes, I understand being shy in those times. When I'm making small talk with people I hardly know, though, I don't think the conversation matters as much as the courtesy of talking to someone you almost-know. That, coupled with the fact that I don't know them enough, makes eye-contact kinda awkward for me.
I do agree that conveying your message is more effective with eye contact, though. :) Thanks for the reply!
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I think that when someone is looking at my eyes when I am speaking is someone who cares to hear what I say and is listening. Sometimes people can look aloof and it seems that they are not concerned about what I have to say.
I would rather look at people in the eye when they are talking. It is a sure fire way to let them know that I am listening with undivided attention.
@semicolonp (518)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
Yeah, hehe. That is a good way to express sincerity. I'm talking more about those people you are all that familiar with. Those that, more often than not, you make small talk with only because it's courteous of you to do so.
When I want to express my point to someone, I do make it appoint to make eye contact. This is also true when the person I'm speaking to is obviously trying to get me to understand their point as well.
But for people I just met and/or I only meet occasionally, I more often find myself smiling at them and talking to them but meeting their eyes only arbitrarily.
Thanks for the reply! You guys replied so fast, hehe. :)
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
actually it depends on the situation for me...it's like when a person is lying, you can caught him/her on his eyes..Because a person who's hiding something cannot look straight in the eyes...Or even the sincerity of a person can seen in his eyes...that's why for me it's depends on the people you're looking and in the situation.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
5 Sep 08
But that's the trademark of a good liar too -- those who know tells, and know not to flinch away from looking someone in the eyes when they're decieving the person.
@levisgirl01 (139)
• India
4 Sep 08
I too have such habit .. but not always.. i can look in straight.. but whenever i do something wrong and i am asked answer to it.. i cant look directly.. i have to glue my eyes on wall or something where they can rest for few minuted!!! hehe
@semicolonp (518)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
LOL!
With me, I only have trouble looking people in the eye when they're people I'm not yet that well acquainted with. New classmates I have to work with? I often talk to them while talking to a group of people so I won't have to look anyone in the eye. :D That's what I'm talking about. If it's a serious conversation and you really want to express yourself, then eye contact will really help. But for a 'this is the first time we interact' I more often don't look them in the eye for prolonged periods of time.
Thanks for replying! :D
@Queenpoetic (1)
• United States
5 Apr 09
I have a neighbor that just won't look me in the eyes when we're talking and I take that as a sign of disrespect and it makes me not trust her,like she has something to hide or something. She's self centered as it is and that alone bothers me but I try to accept her and others as they are if I want to deal with them. I'm just asking the question,"WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, WHILE SPEAKING TO YOU OR YOU'RE SPEAKING TO THEM?" this is an issue that really bothers the hell out of me. This makes me be aloof and don't want to be bothered if I can't get your undivided attention when I speak or be acknowledged, are you so stuck on yourself that no one else really matters? Do I really want to be bothered with this person? I have no problems looking anyone straight in the eyes while I'm speaking or listening to let a them know that I want to get my point across or that they have my undivided attention, I just don't get it.
@shana123 (2095)
• India
5 Sep 08
Your mom was partially right and it was also believed in our place .. when some is telling lies they would not just look into your eyes when they do but when all came to knew this truth all are tricking us and just fooling us around even by looking into eyes now a days.All what i know is i just look people into their eyes and nose and mouth and teeth lol.I also heard that when a girl or guy is in love with you they just cant look into your eyes while they are speaking to you.. yes i can agree with this because my guy has started loving me and whenever he speaks to me i can see something unusual in his eyes and i felt that he is loving me and yes shortly he proposed me :)
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
5 Sep 08
Well, see I've spent most of my life around animals. With most animals its very impolite to look them in the eyes, mostly because it's a dominating/challenge type thing.
So, it's a hard habit for me to break..but I'm slowly getting out of it.
Not that people keep my gaze for too long, in any case lol. My gaze seems to unnerve people, for some reason.
But yeah.
@ravinder18 (868)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
I don't have problem in looking into people eyes when speaking to them. I always do like that.
@don_naces (464)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
Looking straight to the eyes of someone whom you are talking is really good. I think you wouldn't have a nice conversation if you can't straighly look at him/her. For me, if we are talking then you will not look at me directly, I would think that you are hiding something. I know that there are some people who have difficulty doing this but then try to overcome this. You will see the diffrence.
@rodelbulan (594)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
Hi semi! Me? Yeap I look straight in th eyes.. I dont know but I am used to it...
@WinZton_12 (10)
•
5 Sep 08
me??
I'm not looking to the eyes...
cause I'm a shy type person.. lol.. ^^
@eddiecnw (10)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
Em.. Yea.. certain cultures have it that you need to look someone in the eye when talking to them and some has it that you can't look them in the eye when talking. Personally I find it really hard to look someone in the eye when talking to them if I don't know them really well.. and if someone looks me in the eye and talks to me and if I'm not close to them I think its a bit intimate.
But I guess.. the best way to overcome that is not to look that person in the eye if you are not use to it but maybe look somewhere else near the eye.. but not stare at it because it would be awkward. :D
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
5 Sep 08
I do not like to stare people straight in the eyes unless it is for a good reason. When I first met my boyfriend we looked at each other for hours. It was a loving stare.
@magna86 (1786)
• India
5 Sep 08
thats absolutely true what your mother said!!
but i find it difficult to do it!!! i could see for some time!!! but not always!! thats a very difficult thing for me to do!!!!! and i always try my best to do it!!!
@hono_hammer0 (4)
•
5 Sep 08
i catch my self looking at people that catch my hair like a dude with long hair or has zits all over there face or i look up and i kinda glance at a person and they look up at me then emidietly look away like they are staring. but i don't see it as a habbit i see it as an intrest in the catch of the eye
@animatrix15 (88)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
yes i am, its just i like to look at it... because its beautiful... hahaha
