To Trust or not to trust?

There are no reasons, just excuses. And there are no good explanations, just excuses. One more thing... OF COURSE HE'S SORRY... Sorry he got caught. They always are. If they were really sorry, they would walk away before they do anything to cause harm. They always get sorry after the fact. My advice, and hopefully others have relayed this, get out before twice becomes three times. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If the consequences for his actions are minor, he will do it again. They are like kids that way. Give him some real consequences. Give him the boot. At least for 30 days. Let him see that you are worth more than that, and you demand better treatment. I'm glad the reasons for cheat #1 and cheat #2 are different, but there is never a good enough reason.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage but there are rules. Remember all the promises you made to each other on the day of your wedding? Those weren't just pretty words nor should they be empty promises. It is true that he broke your trust and it will probably be a long hard journey to recovery for the both of you. I hope that you have sought marriage couseling if you are planning to stay together becuase it is too hard a journey for the both of you to make alone. I have to wonder, though, if he has cheated on you twice already, what real assurance do you have that he will not do it again? Wasn't he sorry the first time? I do not have all the facts, though, and it really isn't my place to judge but I, too, would find it hard to trust my husband after only one incidence of cheating.

As I have heard DR Phil say many times on tv, once a cheater - always a cheater. And If he has done this twise, I really should be watching his back. A perfect marriage? No, there is not, sorry. I have been married for 8 years, and now I am divorced, since seven years back. I guess, sometimes in a relationship, married or not, we have some problems, and seems to make the wrong desicions. I can not give you any advise, but.....I would not just forgive and go forth.....

I have been through it once, I forgave him and gave him a second chance. I told him though, that it is the only chance he will get if it happens again then it is over. Simply because once can be forgiven, but to do it again after will just prove that it is how he is and he is never going to change so it would be the end. Only you can answer your own question of can you still trust him, it is a big thing to be able to get over it a second time because it was hard enough for me the first time. There are no rules in marriage but you have to sometimes set some for yourself. I really hope you can sort it out.

well what can i say? i have not been in such a situation!! all i can say is.. just give him 2 or 3 chances.. and just warn him. about your relationship!!with him!once in a while.. hope that fear would not let him do it again!! or you can try something different!! you can find out his his problem and try solving it!!

He cheated you for the second time,you must think it hard if you going to forgive and trust him again, im sure he do the sorry when first time he did it but he did it again to you, im sure he will do it again, coz he feels that it's ok and no never punish or give up your relationship with him, try to give him an ultimatum. be so tough now.!

I think trust is something that gets lost the first time someone cheats on you, and it isn't something you can decide to do or not to do in the future, in fact in my case being cheated on made me lose trust for everyone, I don't really trust anyone 100% anymore, so I think it is a case if you are going to forgive or not...it is a sad part of life...

Nope, if that was his second time, i dont think so. He may be trustful at first cause he was really sorry but once things go back to normal he will again. Been there done that several times.

Once trust is broken it is hard to trust the person again. The person needs to earn the trust back by proving that he will not cheat again. Now you said this is the second time he has cheated. It appears to me he is one of those individuals that are just cheaters. For whatever reason there are people like that. Now I don't think there is a perfect marriage. I have been married for 37 years and we have a understanding of each other. That doesn't mean that we don't get irritated with each other sometimes. That is just human nature. But we love each other very much and we have done over the years we work out any problems that crop up which are few. Since your husband has cheated twice I don't know if I would trust him not to cheat again. Another question I would raise is are you sure he only cheated twice. There are two times that you caught him.

Second time - ouch girl! He obvious has problems and doesn't appreciate you. There is not reason to cheat, all marriages go through tough times and if he can't work them out then he will not be around for the long haul. He needs to not put himself in any situation that would even be tempting if he loves you. I would get some counseling and suggest the same for him. You deserve better treatment and trust is a hard thing to get back once lost. Good luck!

How sure are you this is only his second time? If you cannot deal with this question you are deluding yourself. I am sorry and I am not trying to influence any rash decisions on your part but if he cheated on you do you think he is so bad at it you caught him both times he did it? Or is it a reoccurring thing that you caught him doing twice? I wonder as a man myself. You know him better than anyone else so you have to use your own judgment on this. I hope you can find peace in this matter.

Hey that's really very sad when a married man cheats his wife. At least after being caught the first time he should have tried not to cheat you again. Unfortunately he cheated you again and now he's sorry about it. Well God says forgive and forget. But I know its really hard to do so. I guess forgive him this time and give him one last chance. And warn him saying this is the last time I'm tolerating all this nonsense of yours. I know it is difficult for you to trust him but what to do. I wouldn't want to see your marriage break up. Moreover if you have kids its gonna have a severe impact on them for sure. Because they will still be small since its only 8 years since your marriage. So at least for their good I would say stick around. But finally if this keeps getting worse and your husband keeps repeating the same thing then you can do as you wish maam.

Do it for the sake of the kids...

Some people are cheaters regardless if they are married or not. Once that trust is broken it is hard to get back. I've been down this road and wouldn't stay with a cheater. I would not want to think that everytime he went out the door if he's going to cheat. No marriage is perfect but cheating is something that shouldn't be tolerated. Best of luck.

He said he will never do it again. Is that what he also said the first time he cheated on you? I do not discourage you but, hey, cheaters will always be cheaters. Although the first was entirely different the second time, is that enought to justify his cheating? If you are very concerned with your marriage then it's ok to forgive and make amends. But don't expect too much from your husband as there is a big possibility that it will happen again. There is no perfect marriage but there is "effort" to make the marriage work. Wishing you the best. (^_^)

I really don't see this man changing his ways. If he has cheated twice in an 8 year marriage I think he will always be this way. I gave my ex chances too. But the second time he cheated it was enough. That and other reasons ended our marriage of 20 years. If I were you, I'd walk.

Twinkle, It would seem to me that since you are sharing your personal life with total strangers on the web, that you sincerely desire help in your situation concerning your husband. If your husband definitely wants your marriage, then you two should get marriage counseling from a professional counselor, one from a church where you attend if possible, or some other christian counselor. The reason why I recommend a christian counselor is because any good one will be for your institution of marriage and not simply going to give you their opinion, but will guide you according to the word of God, which originally started the institution of marriage. To answer your question, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, no one person is perfect on earth in this day in age. Everyone can be perfected (meaning they can grow and become better and mostly importantly change their old good of bad habits). There are such things as rules or guidelines for a true institution of marriage according to the Word of God (I cannot speak of anything outside of that cause that's how my wife and I live now, we've been married for 8.75 years.) You both need the light of God's word to be shed on your situation, so that you both can understand one another. There is obviously something missing in your relationship and marriage that your husband is seeking elsewhere. Your communication between each other probably isn't that well either. A spiritual advisor/counselor will be able to recognize those immediate character flaws and advise you accordingly on how to repair and restore the trust that is missing now; and put you guys back on the right track. I will interceding in prayer that you both get the adequate and professional help that you both need before it is too late. It is good that you are reaching out to others, but now you just need to reach out to a professional that is for the sacredness of the marriage institution and that can advise and help you both identify where you have lost your communication with each other; as well as identify practical simple steps to take toward complete restoration of your marriage as a whole. You guys are in my prayers.

see ,mistakes happends to every one and to forgive is very important, ur husband must be under some pressure that must be the reason he might have done that, to forgive the partners mistakes makes the relation much stronger , so plz do belive him

Once a cheater, always a cheater. I would not trust him at all...

Personally, I feel that cheating is one of the worst things that you can do, and I don't stand for it. The first time it happens I never speak to the person again. So, I'm fairly bias on this subject. But as for the norms or rules or perfect marriage bit... Really all relationships have problems, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship or marriage, for there are no perfect people.