An Adoption Question - Would you look for your birth parents?

The way I see it, the birth mother gave up her child for a reason. Good, bad, or otherwise, the mother gave up the baby. I figure why dredge it up for her? If she just didn't want a child then, why would she want it back now? If she couldn't afford the child then, why throw it in her face. I think adoption should be a closed deal. I know the thing about medical history, but after a few generations, it isn't much of a necessity and the birth mother can fill out a form with all the family history and that just goes with the baby. Throw in the fact of...what about hte adoptive parents? If I adopted a child and raise her and she was my own in every other way, I would be very hurt and mad that she went looking for the woman that gave her away - no matter the reason. And if I was an adopted child, and my adopted parents loved me like their own, I wouldn't go looking for the woman that gave birth to me and then gave me away... no matter the reason. Sometimes society just has to stop and be happy with what they have in stead of always searching for new ways to complicate things.

no, why should i look for my birth parents, my mother game me milk,and she said that he is my father ,and i accepted him as my father, why should i quention on it?

Hi Virgie, I say go for it! I'm sure she is just as curious as you are. I am adopted and I met my biological mother. What I did was go to Child and Family Services and register to meet my mother and father. Within six weeks they were calling me telling me that they located my birth mother and within that week, I was over at her place almost every week. Not only did I do it for the same reason that you're doing it which is to find out medical history, but also just to figure out that puzzle, you know.. that peice that was missing? It was like picking up a novel and leaving out the first chapter. I found out a whole lot of interesting things and when I did find her it felt as if she was right under my nose the whole time because I did live around that area before but funny how I never ran into her.. or did I? I really hope you do contact her if you have the information to do so, and good luck

virgie60 it might really be important to meet your mom and to 'get her medical history for you and any children you have or'may have. You do not have to really open up a can of worms as you can tell her you have health concerns and want to know if she has or has had heart problems, or cancer, or diabetes. I was not adopted but my birth mom never told me she had diabetes a nd I would have taken pains in my adulthood to dodge diabetes by keeping my weight down and eating more properly. you owe it to any children you have to get a medical history. Diabetes is an inherited disease and can be prevented if you know you are at risk.also heart problems and even cancer. I would meet her if I were you just to get the medical information.

hi virgie! hmmm what to do? this is really a hard situation. but i think if you really feel that you must see your mom to have closure...then go ahead. It is so hard to see myself in this situation, but if ever...i think i would still look for them. The main reason for this is that i would like to know why they did what they have done. I want to understand why. I would ask all the questions that have bugged me for so long. Then forgive them in the process, because keeping a grudge for so long would be like an achor that would slowly pull you down. so my dear, if i where you, why dont you go ahead and talk to your mom, maybe she is just waiting for you. and you would never know how she would react when she see you. Thinking about "what ifs" and "if only" wouldn't help at all. So do what you think is right for you and your mom. Goodluck to you my friend and Godbless! I'll pray for you.

I would go and seek her out just becaues that see gave me up and there are some things I need to know to move on with me life. I would not care if it would bing up bad memories. Plus the only bad memories she should have is that she had to give you up and the fact she had you so young. I would think she should be happy to see how you've grown and how lovely you look now. ( This is just how I feel)

I think it would depend on whether the parent had indicated that they wished to have contact - perhaps through a friend or a relative - I wouldn't want to prompt contact if they didn't want it.

No, I wouldn't. The reason I wouldn't is because of geographical distance and cultural differences, oh and a language barrier. If that wasn't the case and they lived in my state or even my town, I might send an investigator to find out for me if they would be able to handle a child they gave away popping up out of thin air. I would never want to do something that would ruin a stranger's life though, so if it was determined they could not handle something like that, I wouldn't. Does that make sense to you?

my nan was adopted to two wonderfull people that couldnt have their own children. They brought my nan up really well and took of her as though she was biologically their own. When my nan was 17 a very posh ladie came knocking on her door, she explained that she was her birth mother and that she wanted to see her. She also told my nan how rich she was now etc and asked my nan if she wanted to see her and move in with them (her birth parents that is). my nan declined this offer and said that money coldnt buy love and in her eyes her parents was her adoptive parents. A few times they tried again but each time my nan knocked them back.