Positive?
By twix
@teison2 (5921)
Norway
September 9, 2008 8:00am CST
I am and have been for some time a member of a forum for people with a chronic illness. naturally people share thoughts, problems, solutions etc regarding their illness. In addition there is a lot of laughter, joking, sharing and caring there.
lately a few members there seem to think the rest of us are extremely negative. We have accepted we have an illness taht we might have for a long long time. That makes us negative and not solution focused - they say. So now they talk about having a new sub forum where noone ever may discuss anything. It is just for being positive. (there are already several places for that in the forum by the way). While talking about this new dream sub forum they say over and over agian that the rest of us are soooo negative and problem oriented.
Hey you! Pinochio! Do they really think this is a positive contribution? How is complaining about everyone else a positive contribution? Do people think saying this over and over and over again is lifting anyones spirit? What to do about people like this? Just telling them that they are pulling others down is in itself a negativ contribution that will just prove them right. Well - I know one solution: leave. Which I am about to really.
2 people like this
3 responses
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Maybe unfortunately these are people who have never faced their situations head on, and are thinking everything needs to be Cool, and everyone needs to be Happy all of the time no matter what you are going thru. I do not blame you actually for getting upset with this, and I feel you deserve your thoughts and feelings on this one as well. No matter who you are, you will always have problems. If you cannot share and talk about them, then what is the group for?
Just my thoughts.
2 people like this
@teison2 (5921)
• Norway
9 Sep 08
Thank you for your response!
I think you are absolutely right in that these people have not faced their situation head on.
I do understand their wish for positive input, but I think it is very strange that they should come to a forum for very ill people and expect no talk about problems, sadness, difficulties, bad feelings etc. Facing and talking about this is also a part of life, and it should be possible to share both this and the more positive sides of life. Sure the way out of an illness and a positive focus is important, but it is also important to manage to live as good a life as possible with an ilness as well. That includes sharing the difficulties as well as hope and positivity.
I really do not see what the group is for if we cannot share what we really feel and face in our lives. Noone has only smiles and laughter in their lives.
1 person likes this
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I used to be a moderator on a forum for Fibromyalgia/Chronic Pain. We also had several folders dedicated to a variety of subjects like Medical Advances, Jokes & Games, General Discussion, Special Announcements, Family & Friends, Venting, etc. We thought we had everything covered and even had a moderated chat room open twice a day so everyone could keep in touch on a more personal level.
There were always people who thought we all complained too much or were too negative. When dealing with any chronic illness or pain these forums are sometimes the only outlet we have to vent and complain to people who actually understand what we go through on a daily basis. Everyone's severity of pain and illness is different along with their tolerance for the problem. So just because someone wasn't as ill as someone else didn't make their pain any less significant than someone else's. We always tried to cut everyone some slack in every way. We were there to listen, encourage, sympathize, and help any way we could. But calling people whiney was NOT helpful!
As a moderator there were people I had to e-mail privately and explain this to them and tactfully tell them that putting other people down would not be tolerated and if they couldn't be more understanding perhaps they should find another forum.
If this problem on your forum is upsetting you and others maybe you could write to a moderator or administrator and tell them how you feel. Sometimes they can take care of the problem privately.
@teison2 (5921)
• Norway
9 Sep 08
Thank you very much for your response!
The forum I belong to sounds very much like yours. It is a forum for people with ME and CFS. Some have Fibromyalgia as well. It has been a very important part of my life for some time, and there are so many people there that I care very much for. Keeping it a good place to be is very important to me.
I have tried to talk to the administrators about this, and I think they sort of understand that many of us feel this is a problem. There is a pretty new training program that is supposed to heal people from Fibromyalgia, ME, CFS etc (they are all one and the same condition according to the people behind the training program.)A big part of the program is to identify and change negative thought patterns. One of the administrators has recently learned the training method and is thus more open to the kind of comments I find hard to cope with right now. I hope it will change, but right now it is pretty hard. I really do not understand how it would be a more functional way of coping to put the rest of us down. In my mind this is a very destructive thought pattern and behaviour.
Thanks again for your response. I will give writing the administration another go.
(The program is Phil Parkers Lightning process)
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
10 Sep 08
I will definitely look up Mr. Parker's process, thanks!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I can understand your viewpoint. When people offer contributions that are negative it seems to have an adverse effect on other people. Words of encouragement are always nice to hear.
I know that it can probably be hard to ignore these things but remember to keep a good attitude and think on the positive and these things might bother you less. Good luck.
