Do you hit your kids/will you when you have them?
By oyenkai
@oyenkai (4394)
Philippines
September 11, 2008 2:49am CST
"Spare the rod, spoil the child."
I honestly believe in these words. It's acceptable in the Philippines to discipline their children through physical means (no, not abuse). That's why a lot of us grow tough, and really different from other people who were not hit ("mga di nakatikim ng sinturon").
What do you guys think? Is it "out dated"? Or is it still the most effective means to discipline a kid?
9 people like this
46 responses
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I dont have kids yet but soon i will have my first child. So about punishing kids by hitting them for me doesnt always work. Kids nowadays are smarter and they tend to just tolerate the pain of getting spank. I have seen my dad hit my sister several times when she made a mistakes but yet she grow up to be a stubborn kid lol. I believe in discipline but i dont think it is applicable nowadays to still hit kids if they did something wrong.
Punishing them by spanking them while they are still young would be fine but hitting them like the way old people does such as hitting there butt with a belt or anything that could really badly hurt a kid is not really a good thing to do.I grow up scared and distant from my dad because he was a tough dad. And i admit that i was closer to my mom who is so loving and understanding to me. But as i grow up i began to get closer to my dad when i realized that what he is doing is for my own good too. But not all kids would feel the same way as i do. Spanking when they are still young would be fine or not letting them watch tv or anything that they like to do when they did something wrong for me is enough to let a child understand that what he/she did is wrong.
I believe that if you talk to your child before you punished them would make them understand more why they were being punished rather than just hit them without any explanation at all. In that way they would feel your love inspite the fact that sometimes you punished them over there wrong doings.
4 people like this
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
11 Sep 08
i see no problem in spanking. i think the problem we have is some parents do it the wrong way. when you're children misbehave you shouldn't immediately hit them you should talk to them. my mom would give me two chances to correct my behavior and if i didn't then i would get spanked. i see a lot of parents in public that when they hit their children they just smack them and i think it's wrong. more than likely they aren't consistent. some parents don't tell their kids "no" enough and then when they do say no their children get upset. you just have to be consistent not abusive.
4 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I agree with you about consistency because that is the difference between kids learning and kids not learning. Lack of consistency is what makes ANY type of discipline fail, no matter what it is.
I actually don't have a problem with parents disciplining however they see fit except I don't think that people should be blatantly physically disciplining in public. It does make people who DON'T do this uncomfortable and it can scare other children.
@mattcassethan (226)
• Canada
11 Sep 08
omg! no i have 3 children, i love them. i hope no one would hit their kids..
3 people like this
@phisha84 (286)
• United States
11 Sep 08
My sisters and I were spanked with a belt seemed all the time lol....I don't think I'm much different though lol....I was like 7 years old and I wanted to give my cocker spaniel a bath so I though WD40 was soap cause when my dad sprayed it on stuff it sprayed white, so yeah....my puppy was soaked lol.....I got my butt spanked hard...needless to say I never did it again.
But yeah I do spank my two kids...but I haven't yet spanked my 2 year old cause she's to small and she's still learning...on the other hand my 4 year old she gets spanked seldom but only after I haven't told her not to do something like color on the walls more than twice....or if she hurts her sisters......
But one thing I always always do is after she get hit on the butt she goes into time out for ten minutes and then I ask her what she did wrong and if she don't know i talk to her about it.......
And OMG have I ever seen some horrible kids that I just wanted to spank and tell them to knock their little butts off but they aren't mine soooo but I do give the parent(s) dirty looks..."like you need to control your kid"
Have fun today!
3 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I have known my share of bratty kids, but my immediate thought is not that they need to be hit. My first thought is that they need discipline, for instance a little girl who is much bigger than another child should definitely not be dragging that child around a play area by his shirt without her mother noticing and telling her that you do NOT drag around and hurt your friends. In my opinion, she doesn't need to be hit but she does need to be stopped from what she is doing and told to keep her hands to herself. If she doesn't, then she needs to be warned that she will be taken home if she cannot be kind to her friends. The next step of course is being taken home. I can't see how you teach about being kind to your friends by hitting somebody. The natural progression of having to leave and not get to play any more is punishment enough, it could even be punishment for poor mom who was likely visiting with HER friends as well.
I have gotten irritated with other parents before, such as if their kid cut in line or pushed and they didn't say anything to their child, but I would never go over and yell at or swat somebody else's kid. That is so inappropriate I can't even believe I'm mentioning it lol.
@Sarah1108 (310)
• United States
11 Sep 08
I think it is okay to spank your children. I think they need to know why they are being spanked though. my parents spanked me and i turned out okay. I do not think spanking is out dated. i think people are too quick to say someone is abusing their child. some times its easy to tell a spanked child from a non spanked child. if a parent can get there child to listen and no be bad without spanking more power to them but spaking is an okay way to deal with a misbehaving child
@Damien2213 (90)
• United States
11 Sep 08
Lack of this discipline today causes many of our problems with youth. Its not just enough thought to spank or correct your child you need to also show the love that comes with the discipline. If a parent goes around hitting with no love then you'll get about the same result as if you never hit and just let your kid do whatever.
3 people like this
@alena824 (376)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
It's easy to say I won't resort to physical punishment when you don't have kids. But once they're there and they get all wild and freaky, which unfortunately is how kids are at certain ages, you will need to spank them to make them realize they can't get away with everything. I especially dislike it when they seem so deaf to the world, particularly when you ask them something to do. But as much as possible, we try to use something else to spank them with and not our hands.
3 people like this
@rsa101 (38115)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I've been disciplined this way by my father and I had to carry the emotional scar in my personality for life. I could not say that I did not grew up what they expected me to be, but the fear is still there although it has lessened already. For me it is an outdated methodology to discipline a child. I discipline my child based on reason and loved and not by fear. I decided that this has to end now with me and I need not passed this tradition to my child. My child is as disciplined as I was when I was young and he has not experienced what I had gone through when I was a child.
2 people like this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@rsa101 (38115)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Well I see it like this, sometimes when you choose to use physical means to let your child know what is right and what is wrong there is a tendency to get your frustration into it that you do it rather more than painful than it should be. My father is a good father, but when his temper gets into him then its a different story. As I grew up the punishment became less severe but what I experienced in childhood is what sticks more in me then when I was growing up as adolescent. I have no grudge against him right now because I guess I grew up to be a very obedient boy as a result of that. I never got into any misdemeanor during my teen years and college days. But if he could just been a little bit softer in his approach I could have been a much more confident boy than what I am right now. The scar(not physical but emotional) it left is still there. And that is what I am not doing with my son right now and I can see the difference now. I have never physically punished my son in disciplining him and I noticed a very wide difference the way he is growing and enjoying life than when I was his age. I practically grew being afraid with my father than feeling his love for me. But my son appreciates me more than I appreciated my father before. I hope you get my point in this why I chose not to follow that "Spare the rod, spoil the child".
2 people like this
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Do you think the age that you were physically disciplined mattered - maybe you were hit even when you were old enough to understand reason.
I think there's a psychological maturity in people that says "I don't need to be hit to understand." Or maybe when you were disciplined, they didn't care to explain to you your misdeeds.
I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this. I don't want to repeat that kind of mistake on my (future) children.
2 people like this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@switlyf (649)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
There are a lot of ways in disciplining your child, there are some kids who don't listen to their parents that's why they need some punishment but of course as a parent we have to let them know why we hit them.
Personally i hit my kid everytime she is so naughty and once i've told her to stop doing those things and she won't listen i would hit her. After that i will talk to her and ask her if she knows why i did that.
Its really hard to raise kids and its much harder to discipline them. I can consider parenting as a process in which you will forever learn new things.
Happy mylotting!
3 people like this
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I've been disciplined like this when I was younger. My dad would usually talk to us about what we did, and explain why it's wrong. And then it would lead to why it we have to be punished... But we've only had the belt, not the other kind of punishment I've heard about. Like in some people they've experienced kneeling on salt. Ouch...
Whenever my siblings and I discussed about those years, we always end up laughing. My father, whenever he disciplines us, would give us a choice of either one big blow or 10 soft blows. I picked the one big blow all the time. I've tried the 10 soft blows and they're not soft at all!
They hurt! It's just funny looking back on these memories.![](/Content/images/emotes/lol.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/surrender.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/lol.gif)
2 people like this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
You're 20 years old? I'm 23. hehe. I have heard those experiences from our generation, though I've also heard it from my mom. They are from our maids who came from some province in del Sur. I think it is still practiced today especially in the provinces. I've also heard about the sack. They sound like a story from TV right?
1 person likes this
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Kneeling on salt, I think that was a punishment in our parent's generation (I'm 20 years old by the way). I have a friend whose mom told me that in their time, they would even be put in a sack then hanged on a tree for a while. (No, they don't beat them with a stick like a pinata LOL).
My mom told me that she experience kneeling on salt. In addition to that, they would be holding the bible on each hand, palms up.
2 people like this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@migsmartinez (1293)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Definitely. That's how I was disciplined as a child. I think it is a very effective way of disciplining your children. Most children who are not physically disciplined turn out to be spoiled.
2 people like this
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I know what you mean, I've met a lot of people who weren't disciplined when they were kids and they are such brats. However, somehow that doesn't seem to apply to all of them. Some actually turn out alright. I guess that's what I'm confused about.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Being spanked does not necessarily equal discipline. There are many kids who are disciplined fairly, consistently, and firmly yet are never spanked. Being spoiled has more to do with kids who become entitled because they get away with doing whatever they want, which has nothing to do with spanking.
@ecweeks (12)
• United States
11 Sep 08
No, I will most certainly NOT hit or abuse my child in any way, shape, or form, regardless of how I was raised. Think about it for a moment, if you're hit from not doing something, I would just make you not want to do it much, much more, just for spite. If your child does what they are supposed to, you reward them, if they fail to do what you tell them to do, you take something within your power away from them. Which is why cell phones, computers, video games, and the lot are very useful for give your kids! You can take any of those things away if they fail to do what they are told.
2 people like this
@migsmartinez (1293)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
As a child, when I would get into trouble and get my things taken away from me, I would just find something else to do. I'd even read a book. I learned from getting spanked and I feared that if I ever did something again, I would get hit again.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
13 Sep 08
I don't know about you but having my privelages taken away was worse and I did learn that way. My own kids lose privelages for misbehavior and their behavior shapes right up in order to earn the privelage back. You can take away everything if you have to, by that I mean tv and computer access, phone access, x box, cell phones, books, anything. They can be grounded (and this usually makes the parents crabby because then you have a bored kid who has nothing to do because you took everything away from them and then MADE them be at home with you). After just a few days of this, they are usually falling all over themselves to negotiate and apologize to begin getting privelages back.
@lizard211 (240)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I grew up where the rod - or in my family's case, a thin leather strap - was definitely taken use of. Now, I think at times it bordered on abuse but I am not against spanking and will probably spank my kids.
With that said though, I don't think of spanking as the only way of punishment and in a lot of cases, I believe there are more effective ways such as no tv, video games, etc... to discipline a child.
Us kids would always know when a spanking was in order because mom never spanked us so we waited until dad came home from work and then it was his job to spank us. THe heads up was a good thing though because we were always prepared - one time I wore 6 underwears underneath my pants! THe good thing was, I don't think mom or dad ever caught on to our extra layers!!
2 people like this
@luckykat1280 (50)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Hello I have 2 girls and live in America. The laws on how much you can disapline your child is much different here. I remember when I was a child the laws wernt so strict and I respect my mother for putting my in line when I got into trouble. I cant do anything but spank my kids or give them timeouts or take things away. They don't listen to me at all hardly and I wish I could disaplne my kids. Think about the stress the next generation is in for. I feel like locking my kids in a box sometimes well thats what I tell them but I would'nt actully.I already got in trouble for smacking my childs hand. America is so screwed up, just keep your kids away from here and you will be just fine.
2 people like this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
11 Sep 08
There is also another saying that I think has Old Testament origins (Apologies if I am wrong!) that states - "Strike the child with one hand yet draw them close with the other." I am personally not a fan of smacking my kids but I do have to admit that in the past it has been a last resort action. The goal should always be to find a way to communicate in a non-physical manner to solve any problems or to discipline a child rather than immediately resort to a smack. I do not believe it is the most effective means at all; only that it is sometimes necessary.
2 people like this
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I also don't think that hitting the kid when it's unnecessary is the best way to discipline him. That might cause some psychological problems. I'm referring to what you referred to as your "last resort". I meant, to teach a kid a lesson, what better way is there? What do you usually do?
If my parents said "no", then it means "no". If warnings weren't enough and the offense is grave, then here comes the belt!
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
12 Sep 08
yes i spat my kids if you notice i said spat them not beat them if you don,t discipline your kids they will discipline you,now on the other when i was growning up i was beating with sticks and 2 by fours until the blood ran out of me now that was child abuse then.you don,t have to hit them hard to let them know it,s not ok what they are doing sometime talking to the child don,t work in raising kids.
2 people like this
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I grew up with the creative ways that my parents devised to teach us about discipline. Being the most adventurous, I had the lion's share of beatings which I bore without a cry or a whimper. I don't beat my children. I talk to them like adults and explain things to them. I allow them to learn and find out for themselves that life can bite you in the behind.
2 people like this
@divinegwapa (914)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Yes, I will use the rod to discipline my future children. Though it's not always the best option, there will be situations that you have to use it to convey the lesson that you want them to learn.
Yes, I would use the rod but I wouldn't use it all the time. It's very important that after you use the rod to discipline, you have to talk to your children and explain why you have to do that.In the long run, it's for the greater good because you are able to instill to them the values that they would need later on life in life to succeed.
Using the rod is an effective means (but I wouldn't say most effective) to discipline a child only when it is properly used. ^.^
2 people like this
@walkgal (133)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I worked with emotionally disturbed deaf children. Some of these children would hold their hands up to their face when I said the words "no." They did not learn as well, as they were afaid of adults.
I spanked my children only if they did something dangerous, like run across the street. I wanted to save spanking for something important that they would remember. I rarely spanked them otherwise.
Instead of corporal punishment, I taught my children to talk early by not using babytalk; this reduced a lot of frustration for them, as they were talking before they were 2,...and talking well. Early on, I could say, ....if you do this, you can have this; if you do not do this, ...we will leave. etc.
Second, I took them places with me all the time, like out to eat in restaurants, zoos, the library, etc. If they did not behave, I told them we would leave. One threat was all I allowed, and then we would leave. Even at a young age they understood that.
Consistency is very important. Never repeat a threat. Get up and leave if they misbehave anywhere. They will quickly learn without ever touching them.
Yes, it is inconvenient to just leave somewhere where you want to be, ...but
it does not take an awfully long time to change the behaviors. walkgla
@rakittera (802)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
As much as possible I do not want to hurt my daughter through spanking or hitting. I was spanked and hit by my mom everytime I did something wrong. Though nothing came bad out of that, and I still love my mom so much despite the fact that she spanks me, I think the hitting was not necessary. I could have learned my lesson well on my misdoings even if she didn't hit me. There are other forms of punishment that would not require her hand landing on my behind like making me stand against the wall, etc. It's just that those moments that she hit me left memories in my mind that I cannot seem to erase. I can still remember how terrified I was when she hit me with the "walis tingting" when I went out to play in the bukid after 4pm. I don't want my child to be terrified of me. I want her to respect me because I teach her values without resorting to hurting her. This is just my take on the matter.
2 people like this
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
A "walis tinging"?? Now that's something I never heard of. When you were hit, did you still keep on playing in the bukid late? Or did you learn your lesson?
There are kids who are offended by the physical discipline and yet they keep on repeating the same disobedience. But when you ask them if they know that they were wrong, they will say that they are. And yet they think the punishment was unfair.
Based on your experience, what would have been the better way to discipline you?
My younger brother got hit a lot when he was younger. He got hit a lot because he kept on repeating the same things - and they were no small matters too.
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/loading.gif)