buy me first a chocolate cake before i forgive you...
By secretbear
@secretbear (19448)
Philippines
September 15, 2008 6:25am CST
do you ask for "bribes" when a friend asks you for forgiveness for a wrong thing he/she did to you?
a friend of mine was asking for my forgiveness for leaving me alone at the mall last week making me go home all by myself. i got so mad because i keep sending him sms messages telling him i don't feel safe going home alone, riding alone a taxi, and he ignored my sms messages. its been almost a week and even though my anger had toned down, i still don't feel like forgiving him. i keep on asking for impossible things like a chocolate cake from a certain store which could only be found in our hometown (3hours away from my friend) just to stop him from saying sorry. ^__~ i even asked him to treat me and two of my friends for dinner and a movie. he said he'll do that on payday and i said, then i'll forgive you on payday. 
its a half joke actually, fine if he won't do it, fine if he will do it. either way, i'd still forgive him eventually. 
so do you ask for things when a friend is asking for your forgiveness?
its a half joke actually, fine if he won't do it, fine if he will do it. either way, i'd still forgive him eventually.
so do you ask for things when a friend is asking for your forgiveness?16 people like this
42 responses
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
16 Sep 08
Actually, doing that has never occured to me. I think my friends would think that was an insult that they had to buy my forgiveness. I think they'd tell me off. Asking for forgiveness is hard enough for most people, doing that would upset them, I think.
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
1 Nov 08
you have a good point. here, it is usually meant as a joke. and many people would see it as a joke. i do it to my friends only because they know i mean it as a joke. but it would be amusing if they'd do it.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
1 Nov 08
You're right, buying their forgiveness is pretty harsh sounding, but that is how they would see it. With you, I think you see it as a joke or a tease. But I don't know if it's a cultural difference or what. Some things that are insults one place mean nothing somewhere else and vice versa. So it would not occur to me to say such things here because it would be considered an insult even if I said it jokingly or in a teasing manner. I guess where we come from, people have different senses of humor. Just so you know in case you meet people with a different prospective like the ones I know here. Take care
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
the point for me is that its a way of telling my friend that i'm not ready to forgive him yet. because what i was asking were a little impossible for him. i know he couldn't give me them so its just like saying, i'm not ready to forgive him yet. 
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
15 Sep 08
Or there's the giant sized humble pie and we are not talking a piece of humble pie here we are talking a big three tiered level one! What if you had been attacked or something happened to you, doesn't bear thinking about does it my friend, no wonder your anger was on the richter scale, mine would be too, I would be seething for days and I would also be questioning the friendship too. Did he say what the excuse was? I would let him wait, and make sure he does make it up to big time! Good luck ;0)
2 people like this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
my point exactly! there's a lot of bad guys out there and i'm just a fragile little girl. ^__~ his excuse was he saw me with a girl friend and thought i have someone to go home with. but the girl friend went home ahead of me and we are on opposite ways so we can't go home together. payday had passed but he hasn't made up to me yet. .
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
16 Sep 08
When it comes to my friends if I tell them I forgive them , then I do and don't expect anything in return and they have never asked me for anything in return when the situation is reversed but when it comes to my husband it is different and if he upsets me about something then I do tell him I want something . Not sure why that is but I do tend to do it , probably because I know I can get my way for sure because he was in the wrong to begin with and he is being unreasonable when I tell him I want something and he says no because when he wants something I always tell him no problem but he doesn't do the same for me so it is a way to get something that I want without having to feel guilty lol . If he had told me yes in the first place he wouldn't have to get me something when he did something he shouldn't have :)
2 people like this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
maybe because you tend to take advantage of your husband, as we all do with our loved ones in the family. and its easier to ask for something from a person who is 100% guilty.
and its easier to ask for something from a person who is 100% guilty.
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
hi inga! i don't really mean to ask for presents in exchange for my forgiveness. its a joke but if my friend would comply with my request, then why not?
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
15 Sep 08
I do not blame you for asking for chocolate cake I would too! When my children upset me and say they will do anything to make it up, I always use that to my advantage. I usually say things like well I will forgive you if you make an effort to get up a level in your reading, or you get full marks in your spelling test. That usually gets them working a bit harder at school!2 people like this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
yeah! that's a good way on teaching them a lesson and improving themselves. bribing is not really that bad if we use it in a good way right?
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
17 Sep 08
Nope, never happen to me to ask anything just to forgive those who made a mistake to me, maybe i will not talk to him/her in a week,month or yera but not asking asything i want respect from them not ask a brides because of my forgiveness.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
hi ohara! well, the chocolate cake was meant as a joke. its like a way of saying, its not yet possible for me to forgive him. but it would help me make up my mind if he indeed bought me a chocolate cake.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
17 Sep 08
No. If a " friend" left me alone at a mall and didn't respond to my texts, there wouldn't be Anything to make me forgive him , ever. In fact the nicest thing I could do is forget he exists. Because if he tried to say " I'm sorry" I may just say sure only to do what Michael said in The Godfather, " keep your friends close and your enemies closer."He would think just saying I'm sorry did the trick but in reality I would just wait for the time he needed me and all of a sudden, I wouldn't be there. Hopefully it would be when he had a flat tire late at night on a two lane road. That's when it would be my turn to ignore texts. So the answer is no, I don't ask for bribes because no bribe would make me forgive or forget.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
hi sarah! wow. it would be really bad if someone did it to you. so i was actually still being nice to my friend? i guess that was a mistake. coz that friend crossed me again and now, i'm really not speaking to him anymore. 
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7808)
• Philippines
15 Sep 08
Getting bribed to grant forgiveness.. Haven't done that at all as much as I could recall anyone asking for it.. If I feel like it, I'll just forgive them but their credibility isn't the same anymore.. If I still have hard feelings on forgiving them, I'll just ignore them until fed up with keeping that bad mood whenever they're around..
If ever they would insist to the extent of even offering to grant wishes just to alleviate the guilt that they feel towards the wrong act that they have done against me, I might make them do things that they really wouldn't do.. such things that would make them say, "I wouldn't really do this on normal situations.." (^0^ )
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
well, desperate and guilty people would really do anything. i think its more fun if they are asked to do odd things, just like what you said, things they wouldn't do on normal situations. like in a truth or dare game, it would be fun to make them do dares in exchange for forgiveness. 1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7808)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
Just avoid making those dare too outrageous or you might hear something you wouldn't expect and instead of them asking for forgiveness, they'd now be the ones keeping a grudge for making them do something that they wouldn't really do at all, even if they are guilt stricken or something..
"[i]Your forgiveness isn't worth doing this..[/b]" would be really harsh and you'd end up being the one with guilt.. (-_-")
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 08
Hello secretbear,
You are funny I don't ask for 'bribes' whenever someone asks for my forgiveness. Actually it depends on what kind of wrong thing that person did to me. I will forgive the person easily if it was just a simple mistake. But, if it really, really hurts me I will make that person to wait... Oh, that is bad but asking for a bribe, that is worse....
I don't ask for 'bribes' whenever someone asks for my forgiveness. Actually it depends on what kind of wrong thing that person did to me. I will forgive the person easily if it was just a simple mistake. But, if it really, really hurts me I will make that person to wait... Oh, that is bad but asking for a bribe, that is worse....1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
yeah, i'm mean ain't i? but i wasn't really serious that time. i actually made that bribe somewhat impossible because its like saying it was still impossible for me to forgive him that time. 1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
16 Sep 08
haha.. U have every right to be angry, secret ^_^ it's his fault for leaving u alone, and that he should see this coming.. lol Should even ask for the more impossible things like that's even more out of the way, or maybe ask for things that can be found in the city, but have to buy alot more.. lol
SO far, i have not be angry with anybody yet and so i dun have such a luxury of such things, but i always have the misfortune of making my frenz angry.. lol
Should even ask for the more impossible things like that's even more out of the way, or maybe ask for things that can be found in the city, but have to buy alot more.. lol
SO far, i have not be angry with anybody yet and so i dun have such a luxury of such things, but i always have the misfortune of making my frenz angry.. lol1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
1 Nov 08
why do you always appease people kun? do you always make people angry? 
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
oh, if i'm one of your friends kun, you're going to get it. i think my friend already realized that i'm seriously upset. i don't know if he's willing to make up for his mistake. he might just let things be. and i'm annoyed by it but i don't really care.
i think my friend already realized that i'm seriously upset. i don't know if he's willing to make up for his mistake. he might just let things be. and i'm annoyed by it but i don't really care. 1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
26 Sep 08
haha.. I dun mind making u angry, secret.. lol =D Because in my life, i'm always running around and appeasing ple around me.. lol 
SInce he realized his mistakes, just let it be and dun lose a fren over that incident.. Just make him feel guilty and that will be good enough.. lol
SInce he realized his mistakes, just let it be and dun lose a fren over that incident.. Just make him feel guilty and that will be good enough.. lol1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4344)
• Australia
21 Sep 08
no i never ask for anything when someone is asking for forgiveness.however i do ask the doctors for chocolates when they ask me to do extra blood tests for them,they are well trained now and usually come prepared with chocolates before askinf me for favours.lol.cheers sue
@brucekaushik (891)
• India
16 Sep 08
asking a friend for a bribe is the best way to start getting friendly with that person again, especially after you had a small fight or a small argument even and if that person says sorry to you.
It is very easy to say by me a chocolate if you want to talk to me.it would also be a funny way to start again to become friends with that person again.
and you did writing about asking that person a little treat.
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
i'm glad you thought of it in a funny way bruce. ^__^ taking things lightly would make it easier for forgiveness to come.
@brucekaushik (891)
• India
16 Sep 08
sorry i just meant that you did a right thing by asking that person for a little treat that you have asked for.
1 person likes this
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
17 Sep 08
I can't understand how you can bribe people in order to forgiveness. Forgiveness cannot be bought and if my friend said I had to do something in order to get her forgiveness I wouldn't want to be her friend any longer, that isn't what friendship is about. What you can get from them when you are mad or whatever.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
well, it was meant as a joke. you probably noticed that i said it was kinda an impossible feat. so its like saying, it was still impossible for me to forgive him that time.
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
16 Sep 08
Not really. It is rare that I do that to friends. I will do that to my mother's boyfriend, he deserves it for all the Hell he put me through.
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
17 Sep 08
no i dont if i think she deserve to be forgiven then i do ..even if she will not ask for it...or maybe just forget it or ignore as long as its not serious enough that hurt my feelings badly...but when it pertains to my husband asking forgiveness i do make some demands but not on food or on impossible thing..what i want is make him promise not to do it again..
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
hi vanities! well, the sin was a little serious. because it really irks me when someone doesn't live up to their words. but he's a friend and asking him something in return for forgiveness is a joke as if saying i'm ready to forgive him anytime as long as he is really sorry. but it would help a lot is he did buy me a chocolate cake.
but it would help a lot is he did buy me a chocolate cake. 
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
16 Sep 08
[i]HI secretbear,
I haven't tried that but I always ask favor with friends when we accomplish something or it's their birthday..hahaha...
ANyway, that is really a lesson for your friend..hahaha...I am sure he will not do it again![/i]
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
he would never do it to me again because i will never let him.
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
17 Sep 08
That is sooooo mean! lol. The things we do to tease others (but in a good way).
For me, forgiveness comes easily, but I never forget and every time a person betrays me, the trust I had in them slips further away. Gifts aren't going to change that either, because I don't need material things to keep me happy (though some certainly are a help in life), I make my own happiness.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
i haven't even gotten really mean newzealtralian. ^__~ if i'm being mean i would have said harsh things to that friend of mine. especially because what he did was something that is one of the things i hate.
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
16 Sep 08
Well, for forgiveness, depends on what they do, one time in high school, our friend stood us up at a teen dance, and I wouldn't forgive him until he got on his knees and begged! haha, only because he broke a promise, and well, promises are important to me.
But now, like I said before really depends on what they do.
But usually, I get an awesomely baked cake by my roommate, or my other roommate will, if we do someone a big favor.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
wow. its really nice to have a friend who knows how to bake and who has the money to make a cake.
