Should I stay?

Hello Danielle: My husband has Wilson's Disease which is a genetic based disease that runs in families. My husband got it from both his dad and his mom.Physically it is his body's inability to effectively process the copper mineral through the body and gain the benefits from it, In his body it is like eating riesin! It poisons his system and builds up affecting everything from his brain function(in this case his brain stem was already affected irrevocably prior to diagnosis) to his basic nerve function and his equilibrium. He can lose his balance easily and fall all by himself for example. There is fuzziness of thought(disjointed thought and speech and forgetfulness while in thought or speech-at least that is what I have seen- I am not sure if it could also be intermittent deception on his part to not respond in conversation or discussion) I do know that some of this IS from his disease in some of the judgements and actions. I feel that the remainder of this comes from both his upbringing and how his first wife(yes, He was married before, I have not been) was not a partner to him and didn't reign in his urges to behave badly, I think she either let him get away with too much or perhaps was powerless to stop his bullheadedness including the influence of his Mom(I am thinking that due to what his mother possibly had been told-probably lies as well, she reacted to the information she thought she knew.I am not disrespecting my mother in law, I am thinking that based upon the false information She got, she reacted protectively like any mother would-heck like I would!) Others have told me that he Adores sympathy and attention and loves to gain the compassionate feelings of others. I also think that his disease has outgrown the current amount or type of medication he has been taking for years(I do know that a body will build up resistance to medication over time-Even insects do that! so I wonder and observe the effectiveness of the medication on his behavior and action. There is a new medicine out for those recently diagnosed with Wilson's, it causes me to consider how it might work for those who have outgrown their old medicines' efficiency. I also wonder what medicines are in the labs now that might be discovered to work on Wilson's as well. I hope that gives you a better idea of what I am dealing with here.

I am also married to a man that has been married before, as well I have not been. It seems in that respect we pay for the ex's mistakes and it's not fair it's just how it is. I grew up in a household with my sister and mom both disabled, my sister is now passed away, g-d rest her soul. I would say most of what he does is due to the disease, however this isn't a excuse so if I were you I would see if some of the other medicines could help him. This may ease the problem.

Hello Sharral: Thank you for your kind and caring response about this. I agree with it, and like I responded to an earlier"Lotter", I think I just needed to hear it "said" out loud. I have decided to leave him and just need to get the resources together to move(I am about to start another job(my second job), so I need to hang around until I get the money together, get another vehicle, get the Uhaul truck and vehicle trailer and move my stuff and furbabies out, find a place to live and pay for it, and then leave. This was my first marriage, so I will be very careful if there is a next time. I may even go through a matchmaker to find the right guy if there is a next time. I do appreciate your input, it is wise and intelligent as well. I have thought those very things for months because I didn't want to act impulsively and unwisely. I hope to keep in touch my new Lotter friends and seek to help with things I know about. plrpetfrnd

It is always difficult to know when to stay and when to leave. In the end you need to do what is best for you. One of the biggest problems that women face is that they are often told they should try and make things work and they end up causing themselves a lot of misery. I used to help out in a refuge for women who were running away from abusive husbands and the catholic priests were always coming around and trying to convince the wives it was their duty to go back to their husbands. They did not seem to care that thee husbands abused their wives and children. All they cared about was that since they had married the guy they had to stay with them it was a sin for them to leave. Just another reason why I do not like the catholic church. Women need to look after themselves and do what is right for them.

Hello Mommyboo: Thank you for your input, I agree with all you said and havejuggled these very issues myself!(Can't stop looking at these!)He loves the "Victim" role soooo much and is sooo much into the self pitying("oh woe is me") routine and yet at this very moment His dad(who was abusive to him early on in life,but they have come to an understanding now) is in the hospital and his condition is degrading to the point of coma(not there yet though) His mom is having to deal with this and with all the other stuff in the whole family as well. I have been in a "holding pattern" these last few months trying to come up with a way out(which I am about to start gaining from(a second job which is online and looking for a third job -part time) this way I can get a car and have the money to get things together to move out and leave this all behind if I choose to. I do not believe he every knew how to be a good husband(only his mom's idea of what a good husband is-which isn't- since she never had a true partner with his dad) I am not speaking ill of his dad while his dad is in trouble medically, I do happen to know a bit about what she has gone through from my husband and it certainly wasn't a loving partnership at all. My husband and I are NOT partners either. he lied about who he is to get me here and then when I tried to make the best out of the situation and tried counselling and even tried to force him back into church-it didn't work,again!-I had hoped that guilt would get to him, he is too far backslid to bother) We don't share anything in values so it is like living with an alien being. I have wanted to leave for a while, and now with his dad possibly dying(multiple strokes, heart problems(including diabetes), and generally his health is degrading, this puts another problem out there as he goes between saying he needs me and saying he'll be glad when I go. It affects my health to deal with him daily I have degraded as well which isn't great for my medical conditions(heart and diabetes,also) I had begun neglecting doing what I had planned to do about improving the health situation, it will take me getting away from him to be in a better situation with that. I have to stay until I get the money together to get my own car( I sacrificed my full size truck to travel here early cos he said he needed me to get here earlier than planned.that was stupid- I got it as soon as I got here.) I will be doing whatever it takes to get out of here, and hopefully he will not cause trouble I know his family will not cause trouble since they believe the lies he gossips about me to them. I am feeling sooo impatient right now but I have to be disciplined and work through this. Everything you have said I have already considered, It is correct and wise. I only need to get the resources together to get out of here and it is sooo hard to wait. I will do it however, I got here on my own(He couldn't help financially so I had to do everything,as usual.) I will stop feeling sorry for myself and just get to it.