You Can't Be Offended or Insulted By Anyone Else...
By ParaTed2k
@ParaTed2k (22940)
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
September 19, 2008 2:11am CST
How can anyone else "make" you feel a certain way? The answer, they can't.
No one makes you feel offended, insulted, hurt, happy, sad, mad, angry, or any other emotion. Our moods are our own to decide.
Does that mean I'm never insulted, offended or any other emotion, of course I am at times, but I am adult enough for accept the fact that it wasn't someone else making that decision for me.
Is it always wrong to feel the way we feel about something? Absolutely not. There are completely appropriate situations to feel each emotion, but those times aren't decided by the person who supposedly "insulted" "offended" "angered" or even made you happy.
Their choice of actions are on them, our responses are on us.
It's time we quit blaming other people for our own choices and moods.
2 people like this
8 responses
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
20 Sep 08
Yes, this is a pretty good paraphrase of that quote. I didn't know it was attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt.
1 person likes this
@venshida (4836)
• United States
19 Sep 08
Yes, we are responsible for our own choices and action. I really hate dealing with people who are always looking to blame someone for their action. We all have free will, and when we exercise our free will we should accept it, and not blame politicians etc for the mess we created.
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
21 Sep 08
the 'right to not be offended' somehow is not quite on a par with true essential human rights..
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
21 Sep 08
Great post! You're absolutely right, if someone "gets under our skin" it's really only because we let them! I admit I can be quite sensitive at times and if someone tells me I'm stupid sometimes it bothers me, but it's up to me to get over it and realize that I'm NOT stupid and anyone who really knows me knows that. Even that's not important because what really matters is what I know myself.
Anger and hate are really ugly and destructive emotions. Do you realize how much time some people waste of their lives on those things? Life is much too short to do that.The same goes for blaming others for our own choices and moods, as you wrote. I think our time can be put to much better use.
Annie
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
22 Sep 08
Exactly Annie. If someone calls us "stupid" that doesn't mean we have to believe or agree with them.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
19 Sep 08
I have never understood this sort of statement. I acknowledge that it is up to me how I [/b]handle my emotions, but up to me how I feel? I do not understand that and never have. To me, how I handlemy feelings and how I feel[b] are two different things entirely. My emotions do not run a switch, I do not see how I can switch them at will. If my emotions were up to me, I would be happy all the time but I'm not. There are times when I feel sad, hurt, angry...etc. Sometimes the feelings are justified, sometimes I don't know why I feel them. Each time, with every feeling I am in control of how I handle it, but if I am feeling sad, I can not instantly make myself feel happy just because I want to, I have tried. Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm missing something, but I just never have understood this type of statement. To me it's like saying one can put their emotions on a switch and change them at will. How can one do that?
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
19 Sep 08
I'm not saying that emotions aren't justified or innapropriate, they are, but someone else doesn't "make you" anything.
How does an emergency worker stay professional when treating a severely abused child? Or harder still, when treating the abusive parent?
We just do becuase we can control our emotions and more importantly, what we do about them.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
19 Sep 08
I agree that we can control our emotions...but not feel them at all is another thing. If someone does something and my emotion to it is anger, I can control how I react to the person. I can react in a detached and/or professional way instead of lashing out at the person, but I will still feel the anger and what the person did will still be the reason I am feeling angry as I wouldn't be feeling angry for no reason at all. Just because I control how I handle it does not mean that I do not feel it. I also can not stop feeling angry instantly just because I want to or because I'm handling it well. To me, if I was in charge of how I feel, that means I could stop feeling a certain way at will.
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
19 Sep 08
I'll go along with that. You don't always control your initial reactions because they are reflexive, but you can control how long you stay that way and what you do about it.
@kimberlylynn (978)
• United States
21 Sep 08
You hit the nail on the head with that one! I learned a while back that it's not a certain person, or the kids or whomever making you mad, it's you letting them make you mad because you are in control of your emotions and no one else. Let's all breathe deeply and count to ten now 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10...much better. Thanks for the interesting post, maybe it will get some people to think a little differently.
@cheerupcharlie86 (60)
•
20 Sep 08
Hmmm, I think I partially agree with you. When it comes to strangers, yes I do think it is up to us to control our emotions. But when it is someone you don't expect to hurt you - maybe a parent or some other person you love, then i don't think it's unreasonable to be upset with that person. For example, if a co-worker tried to tell me I wasn't doing a good job, i'd be determined to just let it wash over me. If my mum told me I wasn't a good daughter (and i'm sure she never would) i'd be devastated and hurt.
