Dealing with "teenagers"...

My son 18, when he graduated, he was ready to move out also. I cried for a week. I wasn't ready to loose my baby. I sat him down, and talked to him about how hard it would be to make it while going back to school in the fall. I explained to him that he didn't have any bills. When he moved, he would. He choose to stay. I think that is a hard one. 15 is young to move. Her father should put his foot down. In the U. S. that would be child neglect, or abandonment, or something. She would have to be emancipated here in the U. S. to leave her parents home legally.

Where do you live at? I know here in the USA there are laws against that and any person that moves out of their home before the age of 18 will have some trouble. I don't think that at the age of 15 someone is ready for that type of commitment. I mean sure they think that they are, and yea they have it all planned out, but it's not their plan to make. You can't control what is going to happen once you do get out of the house. I know when I was 15 I was thinking about all sorts of stuff, but looking back, if I would have moved out, it would have been the worst mistake that i would have ever made in my life. I thought that I was prepared for it, I had all that I needed, or so I thought. At that age, I know looking back now, I was not ready, and it would take an outstanding person to be ready that young. I wish your family nothing but the best, but try to sit down and have a talk about some of the things that it really takes to run a successful household. Great discussion.

Looks like they are not the right influence for her. There is a reason why these kids move out. To get away from adult supervision and influence. To be able to do what they want. Little they realize how much responsibility goes into living on their own. Unfortunately, there is probably not much you can do about this right now, because peer pressure will cause your stepdaughter to insist on moving out and you'll just be the evil stepmom. I suggest you guys sit her down and lay out the ground rules for her moving out. First off, make clear that you love her very much and hate the thought of her moving out and not being there for quality time (note two or three things you guys do together that she likes to do but will be more difficult to do, when she lives elsewhere). Tell her, that while you don't like the idea of her moving out at this young age, she is moving into the adult world with her apprenticeship and should be taking on more adult responsibilities. Make it clear that this includes taking care of her own expenses. Therefore, even if she would stay home she would have to pay rent to contribute to the living expenses in the household (set it low, much lower than rent and living expenses would be with her friends). Tell her that if she moves out, she would have to be able to support herself, as she at that point would be considered an adult by you. This means carrying her full expenses. Then go over what the apartment would cost (her share of the rent, utilities, phone, food etc). Make sure that costs are broken down fairly, especially phone, if they have a landline. Now, if it not quite works out and fifty dollars a month is needed for her to make it, offer that to her as a gesture of peace so to speak, but only while she is still an apprentice. Make it clear (through the backdoor not directly) that she would have more money in her pocket, if she stays at home. Anyhow, then tell her again that you love her and that she is always welcome to move back in again and that you will help her if trouble arises, but that monetary bail-outs will be limited to impossible. Then let her decide, just be supportive, or you'll lose her. Good luck!

Well, first let me tell you my favorite saying concerning teenagers... "So they turn 13 and go to mars, not too worry, they'll be back around 22" - A real philosophy of teens I think. LOL That being said, I understand your concern. My youngest will be 21 in Nov and he is still somewhat immature. He is in college and still at the age of 20 is an unorganized procrastinator! He has learned a few things from the school of hard knocks these past few years, so the irresponsibility and lack of thinking things through has gotten better. I can't imagine what it would have been if he were just fifteen! I try to keep up with him and suggest things to him that would be beneficial. However, I learned never to tell him what to do, even in a matter of fact way, otherwise he does the opposite. I sometimes remind him what I told him and his brother when they were teens, "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are". Just a warning to the wise is how I put it. That seems to make him think. The other things I do are facebook, myspace, and texting. I leave nice comments, let him know I'm here if needed and am interested in how things are going. He responds better to that method and I keep up with what's going on. Best of luck to you.

Hi pink_bunny, I can definitely understand why you would feel the way you do. I am not a parent but I have taken care of my godchild since he was an infant and now is turning 20 and have also taken care of many other children throughout my life. I agree with you 100% that at 15 a child is nowhere near ready to go out to live on their own. They are definitely not mature enough to even think about moving out. It is all about fun for them. They have no idea what it's like to really be on their on. I think it's really great that you as a stepmom take such a great interest and concern in your stepdaughters wellbeing. Unfortunately, someone has to make the decision for her to let her or not. You know this can't be a good thing for her, not at that age.

Well let her do what she wants to do. Ill say if she fails she always has a concerned mom(maybe dad) would still be there for her. Right?

I guess it somewhat depends on the laws there. Here in America if she was to move out and get into trouble even if she wasnt living in your household, they would hold or try to hold you responsible. There is also the concern she is very young and if she thinks it will be really easy it shows that she isnt that very mature and could run into trouble that way too. I dont know what your realationship is with her totally, but maybe sit down with her and really talk to her, I know that you said that she is really stubborn. I do know that "catch 22" feeling all to well. On one hand you want her to wait til she is mature enough or at least of age to move out, on the other you dont want to make her think things are so easy at home that she can do what she wants. Alot for me would be how she treats the family, if she never listens, does as she wants I would be calling someone to see what can be done. Here in America the legal age is 18 but alot of people either kick their kids out, or the child leaves and lives with friends or whatever. Luckily all but 1 has/had decided that things werent that bad thou there were rules to follow. Maybe she will come around as some teens do?

I dread the day when my kids will be telling me that they would want to live on their own. However, here in our country, it's not a trend where kids want to be independent enough to live by themselves. But it happens usually when they are in show business or they are celebrities. It can also be if it happens that the school they are going to are too far from home. In any case, I think I won't be too comfortable to let them go. It's nice that they want to be independent and if needed, I think I will still be visiting her too often. The trend of teenage pregnancies is always looming in my head so I will just pray to God that my daughters will love me enough not to consider living away from us while she's still young.

hmmpf?? Well, I believe that these teenagers are still immature and still needs guidance from their parents. Yet, I also believe that the best learning comes from your own experience. So, before you let her go or let her be on her own give her a piece of advice which she won't forget so that when time comes that she will be able to realize her mistakes she'll remember everything you've said and that she'll realize you just want everything would be fine for her and that you love her.

dealing with teenagers is simply differ from where they came from and how they grew up. well since in america teenagers are acting like they can live with their own. but here in philippines. they act like babies. wahahah

I'm an almost eighteen yr old, and I've been dying to get out of the house since I was nine O.o If you don't want your lil ones so eager to leave you behind, you need to learn to treat your kids more fairly (am not directing this directly at you pink_bunny w