What's it really like for the women who have to share a husband?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
September 21, 2008 1:47pm CST
How would you like to share your husband with other women and living in the same roof? This is a real story of a construction worker who practices poligamy and the weird thing is that both his wives are helping him in his third attempt to get another wife to add to his collection of wives. He wanted to produce as large a clan as possible as the reason for his poligamous life. I don't think there is peacefulness in a home with many wives. Every woman has this jealousy feelings attached to her heart and can you imagine how painful it is to watch the husband impregnate his younger wives time and time again.
4 people like this
20 responses
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
22 Sep 08
I'm assuming that this story comes from zandi's country, Malaysia, which is predominantly Islamic (60%) or Buddhist (20%). In that case, the story can only be understood within the cultural parameters of the society it is occurring in, and since Islam is a polygamous religion (for those who choose it) there is nothing shocking about it. The very fact that the current wives are helping him should tell you something.
But the thing with a polygamous culture is that monogamy is also quite acceptable, and zandi's attitude no doubt reflects the views of a significant number of Malaysians, especially among the various minority non-Muslim populations. I can't tell from the profile or the picture wheter zandi is Muslim or not.
I notice that all the responses are from Westerners, and they are also all heavily critical of polygamy, as one would expect from a culture that is ferociously monogamous. Perhaps it would be useful to try the old "walking a mile in another's shoes" and taking into account the difference in religion and culture.
Lash
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
27 Sep 08
Yes, my country is a predominantly muslim population and it is in their tenet to practice polygamous life and their religious beliefs that polygamist ethos somehow sharing a husband will make her a god or goddess in a second life. By the way I an a Catholic and does not advocate this practice. But it is not right to actually point fingers to the people of my country alone because of their polygamous way of life.The reasons many westerners come to respond here is maybe there are not too many members from my country and should they see this discussion am sure I will get the lashing from them for bringing out an embarrassing topic that touches on sensitive issue exposing to the world at large. For decades, the domestic lives of western and other more advanced countries have remained secretive and closely guarded. Maybe on a lighter note, it is better for a man to stay with several wives and raise his children, and for them to be the main part of his life, rather than couples who simply divorce and leave their children with no family stability.
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
22 Sep 08
I see that since I started typing a few non-westerners have chimed in, but the basic thrust of what I said still stands.
2 people like this
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
21 Sep 08
Most men dont know how to handle one women God forbid a harem LOL
2 people like this
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
26 Sep 08
and the ones that desire more than one woman are the worst
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I wouldnt put up with it . If I was wife no.1 and he wanted another one I would divorce him.
the only thing I can see that the women share the house hold work so not so hard on one person. BUt I never thought it was good for anyone to live like this!
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
27 Sep 08
I think so too.
But we have some of htese poligamous camps here in the west like the one in Texas that they raided awhile back. they seem to think it is alright to have more wives than one I just dont get it . they have to be very very brain washed to go along with it.
1 person likes this
@lazeebee (5461)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 08
Goodness, Zandi, I won't like it - I can't imagine sharing my hubby with another woman,and staying with them in the same house. I would rather give him up..if he can't choose between me and the other party.
However, over here polygamy is allowed, for the Muslims. Under their religious law, their men can marry up to 4 wives. I am constantly amazed that the women could stay together in the same house. For us, who are non-Muslims, we will be charged under bigamy..which I think is good; else our men will start practising polygamy lawfully!
@warmwind1986 (105)
• China
27 Nov 08
I can't accept it absolutely.If my husband do that,I'll be divorced from him.
@lrootwang (28)
• China
22 Sep 08
in burma,people always have 2 or more than 2 wives.the little wife has no enough family right,she acts a role of domestic..
1 person likes this
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
22 Sep 08
No way! I have a jealous brain and that would never work for me. I am not into someone elses sloppy seconds for lack of better terminology. I could not even imagine the pain...it would feel like you are constantly being cheated on.
@KUSHANK55 (2437)
• India
27 Sep 08
hi dear zandi458 it is common among the muslims to have this kind of family structure!!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
27 Sep 08
Yes, it is commonly practised by the muslims. To them it is a sin to be involved in extra marital affairs but a great blessing to have more than one wife. Their women willingly accept and allow other women share their husbands. This I can never accept and cannot rationalise the reasons behind a polygamous life. I rather remain an old maid then sharing my husband.
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
21 Sep 08
sorry dear it does not work for me.i have a jelousy type and it kills me
.
.1 person likes this
@Rachel85044 (426)
• United States
21 Sep 08
Well, personally I could never do it! But I guess if its there life style and thats all they have been exposed to! I think that the government should intervine when these young girls are being forced to marry these dirty old men. But they won't so what can be done!
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
that is the reason why i hate polygamy..i never agreed upon it because its disrespecting woman's feelings...i can never share my husband to anyone else..just even if to know he slept with someone else I'll be very much angry and hurt...i believe I'll cry over it my whole life...i can never believe this people who can share their husbands with others and even supporting?! WTF! they are insane
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Sep 08
zandi hi wow I would never have lasted as I got jealous
just seeing my husband ogle a pretty lady walkingbye
lol. not that he did anything other that ogle. But
to beone of a lot of wives, oh I would hate that
so much. It would be painful to be no.six in a whole
menagerie of wives. No it would be awful for me, and I]
would probably end up running away. lol.
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4847)
•
22 Sep 08
It would be rather weird if I had to share Mr Ruby with three other wives!!but lol I may get used to it,and if they were going to cook his meals well who knows!
but no it must be difficult on an emotional level,the jealousy has to rear its ugly head at some point.What happens if you feel like having a partner to join you in bed that night,but it isnt your turn,maybe then all three share the bed,mind boggling,but maybe a king size bed would be needed here!I really do not see the point in a polygamous realationship myself,I would much rather have a one to one.
but no it must be difficult on an emotional level,the jealousy has to rear its ugly head at some point.What happens if you feel like having a partner to join you in bed that night,but it isnt your turn,maybe then all three share the bed,mind boggling,but maybe a king size bed would be needed here!I really do not see the point in a polygamous realationship myself,I would much rather have a one to one.1 person likes this
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 08
hi zandi ..
.. it happens .. we cant do much about it because it is individuals choice ..
the wife
1) the wife is not daring enough to seek divorce
2) the wife is afraid of the childrens future
the husband
1) the wife is not enough ??
2) the wife is not satisfing ??
the other woman
1) why should she want a relationship with a married man
2) not enough single man in world ??
I hope and pray everyday .. my husband does not find this type of "other woman" and hope that i wond be this type of "the wife" and he is not this type of "husband"
cheers
@lemayan (188)
• Germany
22 Sep 08
personally i would be out of that door faster than the man can blink, bye bye to misery and good morning freedom, but i come from a country where polygamy was practised and is still practised, the traditional polygamy the women lived in same homested, their houses in a circle and the man of the home's house in the centre, the interesting part is that the women got along just fine, quarels where not allowed and if any you either got a beating (the woman) from your husband or a group of elders would talk to you, but usually the first wife managed the home, so the younger wives had to give her respect regardless of how they felt, todays polygamy is where the legal wife doesnt know there is another woman, and if she does then the two are not in what you call 'cordial terms' chances are high they cannot stand each other but have to live with the knowledge of each other, usually the man has the man two rent or buy the two different homes and apart from each other as they can be.
1 person likes this
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
26 Nov 08
Hi Zandi. I suppose if you grew up like that and it was the only lifestyle you knew you could make it work. I would never participate in such a marriage though.
Not only would it be a problem to share the man, it would be almost impossible to share the house. It's hard enough to have a mother and grown daughter in the same kitchen. It would be war to have two women who were competing for the affection of one man to have to run a household together.
1 person likes this
