What would you do about a person who refuses help when it comes to their health?
By crazydaisy
@crazydaisy (3896)
Canada
September 22, 2008 2:25pm CST
My friend is always eating, drinking, smoking upstairs all the time, while always watching T.V. I have told him a thousand times I do not like it. I've asked like him
to bring his dirty dishes downstairs, but I'm always the one who has to retrieve them.
He is 68 years old, and completely capable of doing this himself. But for some unknown reason, I still have to constantly get on his butt to do it.
It's like he has a short-term memory or something? I don't know? He won't see a doctor for any reason, because he doesn't believe in them. However, he did suffer a couple of fainting spells last year, and HAD to get a family doctor because he has never had one before....but if asked what the doctor has told him, he will tell you that he is fine, and that his "doctor" says so. He needs glasses too, but still won't go and get them. He thinks people will make fun of him, and call him "four-eyes".
He has never liked coffee or tea, but since early childhood, has only drank soda pop...and still does to this day. He will go through 2-4 liters a day without batting an eye. I've even seen him drink 4 liters of chocolate milk at one time. He likes anything with sugar in it too, and can also load himself up with mounds of salt. I have told him of the dangers of such things, but it's like he doesn't care.
The other day, he told me that he didn't have long to live because other members in his family never made it up to his age. That really hurt me. I worry about him.
I would appreciate any suggestions myLotters may have, in order to help me with this situation.
He will "take-off", but basically have nowhere to go. He has gotten lost at times, around the neighborhood. Does this sound like the early stages of Alzheimer's?
What do you think I should do to help my friend, as his family will not get involved.
cd
3 people like this
11 responses
@sprite23 (18)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Wow. :( This story reminds me a bit of my mom. She also doesn't take care of herself like she should. She visits the doctor when she's supposed to but doesn't take her meds, which makes no sense to me. Why bother going to the doctor then? Crazy isn't it?! Well, back to you, I really don't think there is much you can do unless you want to risk losing him as a friend. I realize you care about him, but until he starts to care about himself, there isn't much you can do. If this were happening to me, I would personally talk to his doctor and tell him some of the things you've mentioned here. He might be able to give you some advice. I've had to do this once or twice when my mom gets sick and refuses to get medical help. He'll usually get his nurses to call her and make an appointment to see him. I'm sorry I'm not much help. I hope you'll be able to find the answer you're looking for. :)
1 person likes this
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
I think the best thing you can do is to talk to him. Tell him that there is still more to look forward too! Why don't you invite him to out and take a walk? Maybe he will appreciate the sights and the people. It looks to me that he has withdrawn and just wasting away his life. Give him hope. Don't let him remind of something especially when it comes to his health as this may increase his depression. Just be more patient.
@crazydaisy (3896)
• Canada
24 Sep 08
I have got him a guitar so he could started to learn how to play it which
l thought would be good for him..he plays once in while.
cd
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
23 Sep 08
I am not sure about the smoking and drinking but that he wonders around and got lost I heard this is sign of alzheimer
if he refuses help when it comes to his health then you have no choice but to contact his family
as a friend you have done enough it's time his family takes over
he probably doesn't care about his health because his family doesn't care about him
@crazydaisy (3896)
• Canada
24 Sep 08
I have talk to his daughter so now she knows all about what is going on
she ask him how he feeling. He says he is find nothing is wrong. he say
that o.k. so.I don't think they believe me about what l told her...I
said I would make appointment with one of the doctors l know she said fine!!!
cd
@don_naces (464)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
I really don't like people having such kind of attitude. Our intention to help them is good but they simply just don't care. But in your case, I think it's a lot different. Maybe he needs attention. He should be given a special kind of attention. He is so different. Helping peole at such age would be very difficult because they already feel that they already what's the best for them. Don't lose hope maybe somehow he will be enlightened. Just continue giving him advices. Maybe time will come he will hear you.
@crazydaisy (3896)
• Canada
24 Sep 08
I talk to one of his daughters she said she did not hear from him for over
3.4 . months she ask me if he is O.K. I said what was going on with him which.
she said not to worry.He should be o.k. even drinking all the pop.He dose not
tell her the truth about if not feeling good.{I am feeling fine} so they all
ready know what is going on...he said l was talking to her 2.or3.days a go!!!!!
cd
@rkotaker (60)
•
23 Sep 08
When i first started reading this i thought it was going to be a teenage son then i saw 68!!!!!!
Its a bit like any person with a problem or issue. Unless he's willing to get of his behind and do something then unless he's being a danger to himself or you then there aint nothing you can do. Maybe he's suffering from depression or diabetic with the lack of get up and go and over consumption of sugar. Is he vastly overweight?
Good luck with how you deal with him maybe a chat with his family to see if he as always been like this or has had any health problems
MO
@Simplyme31 (240)
• United States
23 Sep 08
It truly sounds like it could be early onset of Alzheimer's or Dementia. I recently provided care for a lady who displayed these symptoms but it was hard to realize some times becaue the majority of the time she seemed so lucid. If it is Alzheimer's or dementia there is not a whole lot that you can do to change his ways as it may simply be a matter of him not remembering. I know it does not help you much but you may just have to keep reminding him. If you go upstairs in search of dishes instead of grabbing them up tell him "Why. don't you bring those down real quick so I can get them washed up." or whatever you have to to get him use to being the one that performs those tasks.
As far as his bad habits unless he wants to change them there is nothing that you can do really, unless you are the one buying them then you could simply provide healthier choices that he'll have to make due with. Unfortunately, that is a sad fact that no matter how much we love someone often our hands are tied when it comes to their personal choices.
Lastly, when he says things like he is going to die soon or does not have much time, have you sat him down and told him that this hurts you to hear it? He may not be aware that these comments are troubling you so deeply or they may just be cries for attention as well. Either way let him know how you feel and if he continues saying these things absolutely do not respond to him. Without a response it becomes tiring and he may quit.
~Best of Luck~
@crazydaisy (3896)
• Canada
25 Sep 08
l.ll take your try to do some of the things you told me to do,
I told his daughter about his things he was doing,l don't she
believe me.She said for me to have him check out by my doctor
l feel that it should be up to her. not me..l am a good friend
thats all....
cd
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
23 Sep 08
This almost sounds like the early stages of Alzheimer's . I think it might be a good idea for you to talk to a doctor about this and ask if there is anything legally you can do to help . It is possible that he is not taking proper care of himself because he is not in the right frame to do this himself and may need someoen else to make the decisions for him . Alzheimer's is a disease that can strike and when it does it is hardest on those that are left to deal with it . Finding out all you can now may help may things a little easier later on in the future . My best friend is a personal care worker and she has told me there is no cure for this right now but if caught in the early stages that there is a needle or somehthing that can be given to slow the process down . Now this may not be what it is at all but if you talk to a doctor they may be able to tell you if this is just him being in denial that anything is wrong or it could be something worse .
One thing you do have to work with is when he says that he thinks he is going to die soon you explain to him that if he really feels this way then there is something wrong and you would like to take him to the hospital tell him he doesn't have to do it for himself but if he loves you enough that he would do this for you to make you happy . Try reverse psychology on him by making him feel that he is going to the hospital for you not for himself . It might help .
I wish I could offer you more as I am sure this is very difficult for you because you love him and seeing someone you love go through something they don't have to because they are too stubborn can be harder on the one who is taking care of the person then on the person himself . Best of luck
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
22 Sep 08
Is He active socially,going out places,taking care of his appearance and clothing,etc? (It sounds a bit like He does,when He's concerned about his "Look" and refuses to wear Glasses at 68!-(just out of curiosity,at what age does He think glasses WOULD be appropriate for him?!) As You're neither Spouse or Family to him,and He's not a danger to himself (How often has He gotten lost? How big is the neighbourhood? does He Drive?) there's not really much you can do about him being stubborn,ornery,or set in his ways so long as He's capable of living a Normal,independent Life..I think He's lucky to have someone Like You around,though,there's so Many Older People Living alone now..
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Sep 08
crazydaisy this soundslike the early stages of alzheimers and his family damned well had better get involved with him if they dont want to lose him one day if he gets lost and rund into thewrong person in some bad neighborhood. alzheimers is a tricky deceptive disease that can really mess up an elderly person's mind and their family must pitch in and care for them not stand back and not get involved . what kind of family does things like that when a member of their family may be exhibiting early signs of alzemheimers disease. So if you are around please do your best to help him and get his family involved again as that is just plain tragic for them to stand by and let him suffer that wayh.I am wondering if the poor man might be type one diabetic, anyway he needs to have his family step in and mandate that he get better health care. someone has to take c are of this fellow and family would be the logical place to start..
@rekcart83 (149)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
If I have someone who's dear to me and is acting like that then I will do the best I can to convince him/her to change whatever bad habit he/she has. If for example he's sick and have a flu and it's really getting worse then I will call a doctor to personally check his condition at the house.
I myself sometimes refuse to go to the doctor when I've been told to go to. But deep inside of me I want to. I just don't want to trouble the people around me. But I guess I'm troubling them anyway by getting them worry about me specially when I refuse to go see a doctor.
@fasttalker (2796)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Sure sounds lik early signs of Alzeheimers to me. Maybe some sort of depression with it. Which I think they kind of go hand in hand. If it is he will only get worse. I think I would contact his family if possible and let them make a decision as to what to do. For his safety and yours. I hate to see people faced with this crisis but it happens all to often. Sounds like he has a good friend in you and hopefully his family will step up and make some much needed decisions. Because if they don't it's going to fall into your lap. Hope all goes well!
