Would you tell all?

My Step Daughters all call me their Dad. They have no contact with their biological father and do not want contact with him, They are however upset that he does not pay any kind of child support. After everything he did to them when the were young he should be paying through the nose. Children have a tendency, as you see in your son, to glorify their real fathers even if they have no contact with them. They just think it makes them seem cooler if people think their dad is a important person. So you just need to just live with it until he realizes what a waste his father really is and how his "real" father is the one who raised him. And he will one day!

It sounds like your son is just being a boy. They love to have bragging rights! My oldest son is from my first marriage too. He called my husband dad also. There is a "natural bond" that is missing. Even though we, the mothers, have selected fine husbands this time, who are real fathers to their children and step children that lacking still exists. I drove me crazy but I knew there was nothing I could say or do to change it. I let my son find out how his natural father was on his own. When we split up my ex moved out of state. We didn't hear from him for years. Then one day he'd call. I let him talk to my son and go out with him when he was here. Many, many times my son waited and he never showed. I even let my son go to visit him out of state when he was fifteen. The guy was a jerk, never paid, and always lied but I wasn't going to make my son's mind up for him. My poor husband,my some never fully trusted him, not like I trusted my parents. Anyway, now he is 26 and he says that my husband is his dad. He was the one who raised him, loved him and the other was just a donor. I wish my son didn't know his dad because it was a really painful thing for me and him but that wouldn't have been fair. He needed to know and decide on his own. It's a tough situation. You are very blessed to have a husband that will be dad!

H[i]i kats, If I am in your situation, I will talk to my son softly and heart to heart about it, about how wonderful your husband is to the entire family and to him, how kind and loving he is and how he care for him, maybe by always integrating this topic to him, he will open his eyes and start to appreciate and recognize the effort of your husband...Just do not also mention to him about his father and how irresponsible he was,,,,I am sure in the future, he will figure that out![/i]

You know I know how you feel, I think that if you were to tell your child that their father was actually a deadbeat then it would have to be in a way that they understand, but if he has built a picture up in his mind then he may not believe you, he may think that you are making it up. Your hubby and yourself could give the child the world and he would still put his unknown father on a pedestal, not because he does not care about you two, but because that unfortunately is the way that kids are, they can be cruel, selfish and extremely ungrateful they never appreciate what they have under their noses, they always think the grass is greener. My firstborn has also never known or met his biological father. He was not interested, he was also a thief, a liar, abusive and he ended up in prison when I was pregnant. When I took our son to see him after the birth, he told me that he did not want to know and that he was no son of his. I left the area, gave him and his family every chance to keep in touch, all I got was his Mum tried to get my son put in care three times and not a penny or a visit. I gave up in the end and settled down to raise him myself, which I did til he was 8 and then I met my now hubby. I can tell you that my son has never ever appreciated what my hubby gave up to be with us and raise another mans child, the grief he had off his friends. But most of all my son made his life hell, he was a proper little sh!t to him, my hubby has done more for him than any of his blood born children and my son has thrown it back in his face at every turn. Only now at the age of 16 is he finally starting to show a bit of appreciation. My son has never really bothered asking much about his real dad, the first time he did I was not ready for it and I was angry that he started showing an interest, it was because he was at school and the other kids had Dads. I was so upset and angry that I just told him the nasty bits, really threw this crap at him and it was wrong, I should not have told him so cruelly. OK it was the truth, there was nothing nice to tell him, but I should have been more diplomatic about it and told him carefully. Since then I have told him in a better way and he knows the truth of it, from my side, he has never wanted to find his biological father though but I have told him that if he did I would help him as much as I could but I do not know a lot as it was 16 years ago, I dont even know if he is still alive.

How did your son find out he was a professional baseball player? Kids like other kids to envy them, at times,and they start bragging. But it would be hard to tell a child of 11 about his father and really have him believe it was the man and not you that was the problem. My daughter's first husband left her before her 2nd child, her daughter, was born. She never said one word about him to them as to what happened. They quickly learned, having been dragged through the court for years, until the court took his right for them to spend the nights with him at the age of 4 of my granddaughter. She's never stayed with him except one summer vacation and the weekends were at home. She has never claimed him as father, even telling him to his face he wasn't. She will not have anything to do with him. The son goes only at Christmas to see if they give them anything. He doesn't care for him, either. Your son will soon learn who has loved him and taken care of him all these years. It is sad, though, that kids have to go through this in their childhood. One day, when he starts bragging, you might ask him how he feels about his real father not coming around, never having seen him. If he wants to ask questions, answer them, but I wouldn't tell him much until he wants to know, and the day will surely come. My grandkids started asking questions when they realized how their 'bio' father and his live-in was treating them - by which he had another child. He's on to his 3rd one now, with 5 kids and he couldn't ever take care of the other ones he's had!

This is a situation that can be very hard to deal with. You sound like you are in for some tough times. It is not easy for your husband either I can imagine. It has to hurt him that the child behaves this way. It sounds like you both treat this boy very well and don't get much appreciation. Sometimes this is how kids are whether adopted or not. The real father of this boy will probably never play a role in his life. It might be hard to do but your husband will have to be strong and patient and continue to treat him like his own. It has probably been a source of conflict in your marriage I imagine. I don't think that you should talk about the real father negatively to the boy just yet. Maybe your son will grow up and realize things on his own. With the passing of time he will see that you and your husband and other children are truly his real family and grow to appreciate things in time. Good luck.

I would not let my child what is going on. When the time is right, he will find out. As he gets older he'll better learn that his true dad is the one that has always been there. If you were to let him know the truth about his dad it would crush him right now, and any mother does not want thier child to feel like that. Your husband seems wonderful, and it takes a special person in order to raise anothers child, and that is very respectful. Although your child will not see that for a couple of years, there will be a time when he looks at everything around him, and he will see a very caring mother and a man whom he has known as his dad, and that will be what he will continue to know. He will realize the difference from what his dad does for him, and what his biological father does for him, and he will respect his dad more than ever. Good luck, and Great discussion.

Hi friend,Your son is not mature enough to think what is good and bad,we cant blame him too,but you need to tell him what happened because he is ignorant of what happened.You need to tell him about your hubby too.Because he is young and if he has a thought in his mind ,the same thought will be stuck in his mind through out his life.Then its difficult to change his mind,So you better tell the happenings in the early stage so that his mind gets accustomed to the truth.Its impossible for him to discover on his own,as his mind after grown up with a though cannot be changed,So you better talk to him and make him realise the truth.thanks for sharing.happy mylotting.

I can understand your painful situation. Now a days Teens are adventerous. My suggestion is that please leave to your child. And you keep watch his reaction. And trust in God. everything will be okay soon.

I think initialy when you told your son that who is his father you would have told him only his good side as a baseball player. He should know what happened with you by that relation. Why you chose for new one. And how good is his new dad, how loving he is. Let him feel that his original dad is not going to accept his and that the fact. he is young now and once he is matured enough he will understand the fact and as a mom you can help him to undersatnd. everything will be alright soon when he grow up.

According to my knowledge about child psychology, Their inner mind has always have soft corner for father and up to 20 years of age of they realize the reality of the life, for them father is their real hero. you can very well have open discussion with your child and remove his myth which is not true.

Thats a very good question you have. Since he is eleven, he will probably mature very soon. When that finally happens, he will start to think why hasn't he ever been in my life and why hasn't he cared for my feelings and stuff like that. Soon he will realize that your husband is his only father since he has no relation to him and treats him like his own son. When he grows up to be a man, he would be very proud to have father like your husband.

In fact,this kind of thing exists in our society.And there are many particular examples,every family should provide a very good environment for their choldren, not only for their body,especially for their spirits.Parents play an vital role in their lives.In my words,you should teach your child to learn something himself,I want to give my ideas nextt time.Thanks a lot!