Diggin deeper blues on higher ground

Aww Nova My Luv..Come And sit down with Big Sis Rosekitty and let me tell you something.."it never changes"..I'm way older then you and still waiting for someone to come along and sweep me off my feet and take care of me and love the ME I am.., but i realise since IT will never change i have to make whatever i want come as close to my dream since only i can do this...so right here and Now i'm pronouncing my Dream of a huge stocking come Xmas filled with the Man of My Dreams and He better be in it! Ok I figured i'd be silly and make you laugh..

My, what a bold question you ask here! I think alot about stuff like this. Mostly because in all honestly I didnt expect to live this long. I'm 26 now but I like to tell myself that even as kid I was a deep thinker. Always had my nose in some book, always questioning what I had been told. Drove my poor mum crazy, let me tell you. When I was a teenager I pictured my life to go something like this. I would graduate high school and move out of my parents house. On the day I move out I had planned on telling my family that I was gay because I was deathly afraid to tell them sooner. By the time I was 20 or 21 I fugured I would have met the man of my dreams, moved into an apartment together in France where I would study art. The reality was, when I was 14 and a freshman in high school I had my first kiss with another boy... stupidly enough, in Perkins. Do you know Perkins? Its a family resturaunt. Well, the next day I went to school and EVERYONE knew. Someone had seen me and told pretty much everyone. I went uo to a friend of mine and asked how her weekend was and she replied "Not as good as yours, since you were sucking face with some guy". I will never forget that day as long as I live. Its the day my heart turned hard and would take years to soften it. On the bus ride home that day my sister cried buckets. She was sure that I was not really gay and I had just been pressured by the people I had been hanging out with. When she got home she ran up to my mother and told her. My mother took me into my bedroom and held me while I cried. She cried a little too, but like any good mother she knew the truth in her heart. She had known me all my life, how could she not have known I was different. Months later my sister actually said the same. My mother took my father out to dinner and asked him how he would react if one of his kids were gay. "Well, its thier choice." Is what he said to her. Now, this might not sound like a big deal, but my father in Native American, construction worker, hunter, fisherman, sports fanatic... a mans man all the way. And he loved his kids very much. So much that nothing could dimish that love even if one of them turned out to be gay. The kids at High School were a totaly different story. This was the reality of my young life, the shattered delusions that I could plan my life so perfectly that nothing could go wrong. It was me, and my supportive family, against the kids in high school, and in a couple cases, the teachers. Hard lessons, but those ended up being the defining years of my life so far. Now I consider myself a good person. I pay my tazes, I help out with local charities I feel strongly about. I now work in a college and i volunteer as the advisor for the Gay Straight alliance. I see mirrors on the faces of the kids in that group. Its like looking back at different paths my life could have taken. SOme of them didnt have the amazing family that I had. Some of them are still healing. I like to give them hope. I guess the point I am trying to make is that we are not here because of what we do not know. We are who we are because of the path we have walked and the things we have seen. In my perfect life, you would never have known my name. I would be in France right now studying fine art with my dream guy in some loft. But thanks to that kiss in Perkins... thanks to 4 years of hell in a redneck high school, and thanks to two amazing parents who never turned thier back on their son, I am here telling you that right now, you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be, no matter what you think you dont know. And I'm glad of it. Very very glad. What would be the point of life if we have nothing more to learn? Love you Nova. Tee

I can relate totally to you. I feel the same way. Words of wisdom..I wish I could spout off some words of wisdom. If I could go back I know I would finish school. I am finding out new things everyday and learning. I feel that I am learning more now since I have gotten internet then I did all through school. I am 34 and still working on gaining some new insight and wisdom in this world. If you find any send some my way.

I am learning a lot of things and none of them are earth-shaking in their own way but definitely something that makes a profound difference in the way that I see myself and the universe I live in. I do not know if these are true or mere figments of my imagination. I do know this, I am enjoying the journey and the end is not so important as the trip.

Hi honey! When you press the bold button, you have to do one of 2 things: 1. Press it, then type what you want bolded in between the 2 bracketted B's. The first one is bold on, the 2nd is bold off. 2. Or if you decide after typing it that you want to bold something, you just copy and paste to get the desireable letters or words in between the 2. Now about your post, Yes, I understand where you are coming from. You are depressed and I feel terribly for you. I wish I was there to give you a GREAT BIG HUG. I'm hugging you anyway. (((((HUGS))))) I hope you can feel it. I too, have had to resolve myself to hoping that certain things will just work themselves out, since I am powerless to change them, no matter how I try. Sometimes it is just too stressful to keep trying futilely and actually causes more stress to continue trying. If you know what I mean? You, my dear, are one of the good ones on this earth. One of the special ones, that we all adore and always will. We don't want to live life without you around to brighten our days. I get it, your resources are down and you have given, and given and you are very, very tired. Here, lay your head on MY LAP and I will console you as best I can. I will try and re-energize you. We'll go for a horse ride together today. I have been trimming feet, vaccinating and worming my ewes prior to putting the rams in for breeding on the 29th. So my back is sore and misaligned. I figured a ride on my horse today would help realign it somewhat and at the same time give me that feeling of freedom and exhilaration that will just make me feel better. So, in spirit, I will take you with me today, ok? LUV YA!

Ever heard the saying, ' IF I LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES I'D BE A GEUINES '? Well, I think we all keep making the same mistakes, over and over. I may learn one day. I sure hope so. The good thing is, life is on my side. I have learned a lot in life, though I've been through so much. Mistakes are the only way to learn. If I knew then what I know now, would I go back in time? I don't think I would. Every thing I went through has made me who I am. If I change My first marriage, I wouldn't have my son. I wouldn't be as strong as I am. I'M NOT A FREAKEN GEUINES, yet, so I'm still makin mistakes! p.s. highlight your sentence then press bold.The same with Italic.

I have think that too, I would go back in the past and change many things I did or I didn't, because I know what things I would have do now, at lest I think that, I am not sure what would have happened if I did thing different in my past.

Yes I can totally relate and no I don't have any words of wisdom LOL. I completely know what you mean. Every time I think I have everything figured out and a plan in place life changes unexpectedly and your back to square one... not knowing a d*a*m*n thing LOL