Am I a good mother?

Not hearing your children's side, I can say you sound like a good mother. If it will make you feel any better, I thought my Mother to be an idiot until I was 30 years old & she was 56. So you may need to be patient just a little while longer. You didn't say how old your children are. I wish you well with your children!!!

first of all that is not a question that anyone can answer from here. We don't know you, you don't know us, you would be much better off to ask people that really know you in your personal life. However, from what you have told us, it sounds like your a good mother. You should really talk to your children though, try to find out what they want and need, and balance the two, your needs and their needs.

From a father's point of view, I think that there are times when every parent wonders whether they have been a good parent. Certainly we try to do the best we can for our children and to bring them up with decent standards. We have hopes and dreams for them but ultimately it is their own choice what they do in and with their life. There does come a time when we have to let them fly and only hope that they can do it successfully and come to no harm in the process. Basically we bring up our children, teach them right from wrong, to be honest, caring, responsible, respectful, give them the best education to the level of their ability and talents. Allow them to become independant asdults who are capable of making their own decisions. We want them to be happy and healthy, we want joy and happiness in their lives and that they get a job that they truly enjoy. After that it is up to them and all we can do is be their to guide them if they seek advice from us. Once our children reach a certain age, they make their own decisions and whether or not we agree with their choices, we cannot tell them they are wrong.

I have asked my kids that. THey all say yes.

This is a good discussion. I think you are probably a good mother. But, no mother is perfect. If you're children don't appreciate you now, hopefully they will appreciate you one day. One thing that I feel strongly about is that you can not push yourself too hard on your children. What I mean is, you can't force your relationship with them to be closer than they want it to be. The more you try to pressure them into being close to you, the more you will push them away. Sometimes you need to give them some space, then they may start to miss you and appreciate you more. Something that I think parents should ask themselves when trying to do "what is best for them" is to ask yourself, do you want them to be happy doing the things that make them happy, or do you want them to be happy doing the things that YOU think they should be doing? I think many parents get confused there. It think they say that they want their children to be happy, but they want them to find happiness within the limits that the parents set for them. Have I asked myself the questions "am I a good mother"? Yes, many times. Most of the time I think the answer is yes, but I also know that I have made my share of mistakes. There are times when I feel close to my children and I feel like they appreciate me, then there are times when they flat out say they hate me. To some, that would be a horrible thing to hear. Personally when I hear those words I know that what it really means is that they are angry that they are not getting what they want at that moment. And I know that they will get over it soon enough. Take care. I hope you find the appreciation that you seek.

From a daughters point of view, you have done a great job. But when we get married and have our own family, we try to do things differently the way we think that we shall had been raised, that is the reason why I don't allow that much my parents into my life, they rub their problems on me. There are things that I didn't like about them and things that I did.

I know this feeling all too well and yes I am sure you are a very good mother . My daughter ran away from home in April and since then I have asked myself this same question more times then I can count . I always try to do what is best by my children and it is be that did everything for them growing up and somehow it is me that looks like the bad guy when they don't get what they want . I have even went for help for this because I was doubting my own ability as a mom so much that I wondered if I even deserved to be a mother to my other children and I will tell you what I was told . We do the best we can but sometimes even that is not good enough for our children . It doesn't mean we did something wrong , it is just that they are there own individuals with thier own thoughts and ideas and when they differ from ours , we look like the bad guy . You are doing all that you can , you worry about your children , you love your children , your children are who come first in your life but for some reason some children do not see this no matter how old they are . Don't look at yourself as one who did wrong but as someone who did the very best and if you are misunderstood at time , try to keep in mind that this is just because they are different then you but you are not a bad mother and you don't deserved to be treated in a manner where you should have to feel that you did something wrong . It took me a long time to see that I did nothing wrong but still feel at times that maybe I should have did something different , maybe I missed something or maybe if I had given her everything she wanted , things would have been different but the truth remains the way it is ... I did the best I could and that is all I could have done . You ARE a good mohter and just remember that when you are feeling down and wondering if you did a good enough job that there are many mothers out there who have went through the same thing and have wondered themselves if they were a good enough mother . You are not alone in feeling the way you do . Take Care

Hello,Erssyl! Mothers are always good for their children They ca not do or think bad of their children.The present age is like that,the children will never care you or take care of you in your old age.They want to live the life of animals.As animals leave their children soon the grew up and they try to live their own similarly our children leave us after their marriage and live their own life.They don't bother for us.we will have to live our life in our style.We have given them education to stand by themselves in the society.That is all,we have rightly done our duty.So you need not bother,learn to live by yourself.I also live my life with my wife alone,our daughters are married and staying away from us.No bdy is there to take care of us in our old age.This is generation gap.We can't expect better dealings from them.thanx.

I think that it might be quite normal for you to have these feelings. I have a son that is five years old. I try my best to show him that I love him and give him encouragement and praise him often for his achievements. The sad part that comes in is when they grow up and there could be outside elements or environmental affects on your child. You then might have a child that could ignore your well intended actions or words toward them. It could also be a sign of growing pains. I wish that there was a way to really know why these things happen. Just know that you did try and gave them your best. Maybe your children will somehow come around and be more understanding of how good a mother you are. It is just the way life goes sometimes. You are a good mother and try not to think twice about it. If you didn't care then you would not have posted this question. Take care and good luck!