pls share your thoughts

I agree with you 100%. You and your husband need your space and privacy. It is very difficult to have others living with you even if they are helping financially. I see allowing the mother to come live with you as causing big problems with your marriage. You are not running a hotel and it isn't right. why is the mom coming to live with you? is she not capable of taking care of herself? I would suggest the sister should get a place and let the mom live with her. How does your husband feel about all this?

Dear Despompa, You have all the right to have a privacy in your own home. Unfortunately for your sister in law, she didn't realize how much you have sacrificed for your family just to help them out. I do empathized with you. It's hard to be the center of "bad talk" in the family but you're doing what's best for you and your family. As long as your husband supports your decision, you don't have to worry a thing. Your husband's priority is his immediate family (wife and children). It's a tough world but your sis-in-law needs to find a way to get through it too. Good luck.

It sounds like your sister-in-law is basically free loading off you and wants her mother to come for the free ride. I think I would make up an itemized budget showing her exactly what your bills cost and what you expect her and your mother-in-law to pay. If she doesn't like it point to the door and tell her she's welcome to find another place to live where she can get away with only paying one bill. As far at them thinking you are the servant, I solved that problem with my children years ago. I went on strike and locked myself in my room. It only took a couple of days for them to start to worry. As well as not being available to clean cook and do all the laundry, I stopped taking them places and doing things with them. Try going on strike, they don't realize how much you do because it's always done. If things pile up, maybe they will get it. Good luck to you and welcome to myLot!

By hook or by crook i think you shouldn't let your husband's mother stay because it's supposed to be your husband's and sister in law's responsibility to take care of her and without affecting you. The best they can do is maybe go look for relatives willing to house their mother. Well not that she's an excess baggage but if staying will be the reason for your fall and that includes your husbands' mom. Water is pretty cheap and i guess she needs to pay some more for other bills.

hi, i agree with you..you should not let their mother stay in your house forever because in the first place, it is not your obligation to take care of her, well, and your sister in law has no right to decide on her own on what to do because she does not own your house, and you should let them find their own house, it is yours and you have the power to do what is right for your family. and because they are just staying their with you, they should learn how to deal with you properly and help you with the house chores, the things they are doing to you are very insulting. let them find their own house, do not listen to whatever negative comments you will be receiving, and do not let them control your husband.

you have been nice you are not wrong in wanting your house back. things are getting expensive and bills are going up just get your husband to talk with her and ask her how much more time she needed to find her a place tell him to tell her, you all are seeking privicy and you want to be alone anyone would understand that i,ts hard but try to keep peace with your family and be respectiful and doing so.you have a blessed day

[i]Hi despompa, Wow, I can imagine that life, it's hard! I guess you are doing the right thing..Your sister in law should understand the way you feel because she is married also and why she is staying with you and her daughter? let them find another place to live! We can't please everyone and if ever they will not understand you, then fine...as long as you will live a life with a lot of privacy![/i]

despompa, I just do not think that it is just simply asking your mother in law over to stay with you. I feel that there might be some reason or reasons for your sister in law to have mention this. Is your mother in law now alone? I am sure if your father in law has left her and if she is too old to work on the farms, then I suppose the best solution would be to move in with you, rather than to send her to some old folks home. Just sit down and look at what is happening before you get too worked up over it. I feel that you should also sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your husband and sister in law over this matter and see if your mother in law's coming over is inevitable. Besides, it will be good for you as she could help you look after your family and children too. An extra hand from your very own trusted would be much better than hiring a maid of unknown. I mean if she has brought up your husband and sister in law to now, surely you will not need a better testimony about parenting. Remember, such issues aren't difficult and there are always solutions and perceptions. So, just be objective and open minded, after all how many years can your mother in law lived to see her grand children and enjoy her old age. On the hind note, you will be a mother in law one day too. How would you want your children to be when you reach that stage? Just my 2 cents worth here.

i don't know what to tell you i am not good at giving out advise good luck to you

hard to give an advice because I have to look at it in both direction but how bout you guys scout a house near you they can rent, and you can ask your husband to pay half of the bill-remember its her mother youre dealing with

Didn't you marry your husband? I don't see that - that meant you had to take on his whole family. Helping someone out for a short period of time is fine, but that will ONLY cause problems between you and your husband if they don't leave soon. Stand up for yourself, you are not their maids and need to tell them so. Hit the road, jack - is what I would be saying!

i think basically you need to have a sit down with your husband and let him know what you are feeling. so he doesn't think of it the wrong way, secondly yea it isn't right that your sister in law does not help out in the house. so all together your sister in law needs another place to stay and take her mother with her, or find another person to take her in. i can completely see why you would want a break and would like to have your house back to yourself. i hope everything works out for you.

I understand you're problem, and I feel that you made the right choice. If you had waited for a longer time, the problem would have been much bigger than today. And when her daughter can't help or her mother. Then they deserves to move out.

this is really a very big headache and you really need to consider properly as one wrong decision may affects your marriage as we are now talking about 2 woman who are important to your husband. problems of this nature is extremely hard to resolve. it is like if both you and his mother were drowning, who would he save if he only has 1 choice. i understand the diff of staying with in-law as i am currently in this situation. there are conflicts every now and then and one really have to be patient and undertanding to prevent it from escalating into a war. in the 1st place, you are kind enough to allow your sister in law to stay with her daughter and now she suggested bringing mother-in law along. i guess she is not too considerate and chances are, she is treating your home as her own home and she may think she can make decision. Maybe it time you need to discuss with your husband on the situation and to let her know that the house does not belong to her. sit down with her and work out the sums (costs) that currently is incurred in the house with her and her daughter. list out the expenditures, eg. meals, electricity bills, housing loans if there are and see how much is she contributing. they must also contribute to household chores as they are no longer considered guests but long term tenant in your house. also works out the sums of bringing your mother-in-laws over with them objectively and see what role she is prepared to play. it is not a matter of $ but also efforts to accompany and accomodate your mother in-law. i would harbour the thought of getting rid of them too if i am in your shoe to avoid more problems in future. if she is really so filial and wanting to bring mother in-law over, they should consider renting another place and you and your hubby can do your part by contributing partly to the rental. This will also achieve your objective of having privacy to yourself and your husband would not feel so arkward.