The Babies Daddy...

I have two children and Im not married to their father. When I had my first one I was 19 and was in no rush to marry. Me and him had a rocky relationship and went our separate ways and only talked when it had to do with our child. I moved out on my own from my parents house and me and him got back together after he cried for weeks about how he messed up and he wants to be with me and his daughter. He moved in and I got pregnant with my son. He always says lets get married and i love you so much. But he wasnt doing anything to show that he was serious. He had no get up and go about his self and I didnt have time to have someone who refused to be productive drag me down with him so I told him he had to go. While it isnt easy being a single parent it is sometimes better this way. When my daughter asks about her father I do not say anything negative. She has asked why her dad doesnt live with us and I tell her that sometimes moms and dads love each other but they love their kids way more and instead of being unhappy together and arguing then they split up. She understands my answer and for her our family of three is normal. Now that I am engaged she doesnt ask about it at all.

I know of a couple of people who are in a domestic partnership, and don't ever plan to get married, but they plan on being together forever. Her parents went through a really bad divorce, and she is scared about something, but for them this partnership works. They know they are going to be together forever, and they are fine with this. As long as both people are in total agreement, it's OK, whatever they do.

Actually I am not sure why this happens but it does seem to me that some people simply cannot be responsible for themselves yet they think nothing of bringing an innocent child into this world. Not all unmarried parents are bad parents at all and some of them choose not to get married for a variety of reasons. Several members of my family are in this situation. One of the nieces has 3 children all by different fathers and she is an excellent mother who oputs her children first and is always there for them. She also taught them they are responsible for their actions etc. She met a man a couple of years ago and now they are getting married in the new year because they want to have a child together. Her brothers are hopeless. One has 4 children that I know of and all with different mothers and the other has 5 with 3 different mothers. My daughter, stepdaughter and stepson all have children and none of them are married to the other parent or ever have been although they are all married to someone else. I was married before we had children and my partner was also married although in both cases our marriages did not last. My partner and I have been together for a number of years and one day we might get married. We have made a committment to each other though and argeed that if there had been any chance of us having children then we would have married before that happened. Basically it is society today that many young couples live together without being married. In some instances the relationship works out but that is not always the case and sometimes there are children involved. There is only one guaranteed birth control method and that is ABSTINANCE and that doesn't happen with a lot of the younger ones.

Hey twoey68, How are you first off? well sorry about the late entry, but in my case I was married when I had my first two and I honestly don't think you can pay me enough to get married again. Sorry it was a really bad marriage not to mention I'm still married but been seperated for about 8 yrs going on 9yrs. But I'm currently in a very serious relationship. Marriage is just a title, but commitment is something entirely different. No piece of paper can make a commitment anymore of a commitment. I've been with my Boyfriend for about 7 yrs now we have two beautiful daughters one is 5 and the other is 6. I don't have the exorbanant amount the lawyers want to charge for the divorce. So I'm happy this way even with a divorce I can't guarentee that I'd want another marriage. Guess I'm afraid that the change under gone by the first idiot will happen a second time. I know I know it's an irrational fear but it's mine and I'm happy with the way things are. Commitment is commitment not matter if you have piece of paper or not. The only thing that truly matters is that both of you are ok with it and that you both feel the same and are committed to each other.

A mother at my sons school has 7 kids from 3 man and never married any of them. 3 are from the first, 2 from the second and 2 from the third and she plans to have more kids. I dont think I could do it maybe 1 child but that many no. Its not that they are not married everyone has that choice but extrimes like this case with the 7 kids I dont know. She lives in a community house with 3 bedrooms, never has enough money (when my son had a b'day and invited her son she came with 4 kids at the party and gave my son a colour in book). The kids are always ill dress and dirty (I could send photos here so you can see but I dont feel right about doing that). and all they eat is junk food

In my case, i don't want to get pregnant if I am not yet married because its so very difficult to take good care to a child alone and I'm not that stupid.. Well, other women will just say that they love the guy that's why they do everything just to be with him.. Love can really make people stupid that's why there are so many single mother right now.. I know what will I tell my child if ever that happens to me.. I can't tell my child the truth that her/his father doesn't want to marry me.. Obviously, that man don't love me the way I love him..

she was probably hoping he would change his mind eventually, i can't stand girls who are obsessed with men who don't feel the same way. i would never bring myself to that level.

I'm not married and I have two children to the guy I'm with. To me it is only a bit of paper, in this day and age we are considered defacto which has the same rights as marriage.. We have been together for this long and it has no effect on the kids whether we are married or not we're still together and we do the same stuff as any other family does..... If we were to break up though and he was to marry someone eles than of course I would have an issue with that.... I know plenty of people that had been together with their partner for years and once they got married that's when problems arose and then they would get divorsed, soon after, so I see it better staying the way we are now comfotable and no different to married people anyway....

I guess it depends on what she wants. If she is having the kids to get the guy to commit to her, she's a fool. If she's having the kids because she wants children and he just happens to be a convenient sperm donor - well, it's not what I would do. But she has a couple of children that wants and loves out of the arrangement, and that can't be all bad.

people do things for reasons that are only for them to know and understand. women we think we can heal the world, and fix people and situations. some go about it with having children, so go about it with trying to be the best mother and wife. everyone has to learn their own lessons in their own time.

I don't know how I would behave. I have told my BF that I won't marry him because we don't believe in the same thing. I do love him though. We don't have kids. I wouldn't do anything devious to get something. It's against my beliefs. Everyone has varied life-styles. Who the heck am I to judge anyone????

I wouldn't want a man that only wanted to marry me to avoid child support payments. Here's another question. How would marrying her avoid child support? Didn't the guy know he'd have to support and feed his kids if he was married to and living with the mama? I'll never understand men.

No I would not. One would be enough for me, if that. A lot of women think that by getting pregnant is going to make things all better or get the guy to love them enough to marry them. It's a sad situation because it's the child who pays the price. I know a few girls who've had one baby by one man and another baby by another man and marrys neither of the fathers. I find that sad as well but at least she had the babies instead of aborting them.

Some people were forced to get married just because of the child.I mean the woman got pregnant and the man take the responsibility.Some don't get married but live together.In some cases like you know,men end up marrying another woman maybe after finding out that they found the right woman that they really love and wanted to be with the rest of their lives.Its quiet unfair to the woman but we can never control others feelings.My first marriage was not really on my plan.I kinda doubt on it but because i was pregnant i just decided to get married although it was really against my will.I just thought i was not really ready for marriage yet although i could say i was already in the right age and it never last.

It is a totally different world and culture from what it used to be..

the people you ask are the ones that are doing it, woman that do things things do them for different reasons, some try to hook a man that really didn't want them by saying they are having his baby, some believed the man would marry them and maybe he did lie to them, some don't care and the child is what they want the man is just a sperm donor, some don't want to be alone and feel a baby will keep them company even if the man doesn't stick around. some believe that you don't need a man to bring up a child. some never loved the man and just got pregnant by accident. some were just too lazy to take birth control or didn't believe in birth control some just figured whatever happens in life happens and that is it. I was pregnant when I got married, I know I was going to get married though.

This situation is common nowadays. But unfortunately, I believe it's all because of love. It's blinded love. They think that just because they have 2 kids with a person means that they will be married to that person but that isn't the case. Some people would really like to test waters first before they go the deep end. It isn't nice to be in this kind of situation but what can we do. People do it for so many reasons and not all of us could actually understand this at all.

I still don't understand why people keep on having kids if they don't wish to get married. I really believe that a stable marriage should be the first choice ,and later on married couples can make a desicion to have a family. I'm very glad that my parents had me when their marriage was stable. Is wonderful to be the child of a happy married couple.

This happened to me with my first child. When I realized he wanted nothing to do with us, I stayed as far away from him as possible. I wouldn't want to add to my problems by continuing to have children with him. I found a much better man and am now happily married with two more children.

I have a friend that did the same thing. She had met this guy that she really truelly liked and come to find out the guy confessed to me that he did not like her. They had only been together for 2 weeks, and eventually she had gotten pregnant. She had basically trusted him that he would be around. But he finally had come clean and informed her that he did not like her in the way that she would like him. So they had broke it off. Then a few months after her first born was born and the father was told that he was the father, then a few months later, he used her again, and she became pregnant again. And once again, he left her claiming that he was not attracted to her. So all in all, I believe that she kept going to him because she was in love with him and sadly he was not. Eventually after all that, he had gone on to someone else. If I was in that situation, I don't think I could keep going to that guy. Because in a way I would respect him on being honest with me, but then I would be angry with him and myself for him leading me on again and then me allowing him to lead me on. When the children had come of age to understand why their father isn't in their life. I would just explain to them, that mommy and daddy didn't love each other any more and I would explain to them that it is better to be with someone that you love then be with someone that you don't love. I would ensure them that the both of us still do love them very much and nothing would ever change that.