Sibling borrows money... am I being stingy?
By chicha0522
@chicha0522 (648)
Guam
September 26, 2008 7:15pm CST
Money problems, not really. From where I stand, I handle my money pretty great, I know when not to buy and when I am in the verge of overspending. Right now, I am paying off 2 laptops + my monthly bills, which I know I can handle because I got 2 jobs and a small online business.
But it seems, as days go by, my money can't stay in the bank where I put them. Of course I have my occasional shopping days (hey I am considered single, so I have nothing much to pay for) and I only do this once every paycheck, and I do not exceed my limit which is about $20.00-70.00, well it depends on what I'm buying. I have to know how it feels like to spend the money I worked hard for. AGREE?
Well that's only part of one of my paychecks, my other paycheck goes to my savings, untouched!
But recently, I noticed that I have been transferring funds from my savings to my checking account. NOT A GOOD SIGN, I KNOW. And my credit card is almost maxed, NOT MY FAULT.
My sister has been having money problems, and since I am the only working single sibling she has, I help her as much as I can. But, because she's consuming most of my funds, I'm having a hard time handling my own funds. Although she's the one in charge of paying my credit card bills, and she pays my contribution to the money pot we have at work. The amount she borrows from time to time is getting out of hand. I computed the amount she owes me and I'm not really happy about it.
I know my sister will pay me eventually, so what's the problem? Let's say my sister isn't the most generous person in the world. She's what we call in tagalog as "KURIPOT", someone who hides their money so they won't have to give some out.
Sigh.
I know I could handle my own financial obligations, but if she keeps borrowing from me, I might not be able to supplement the things I have to pay for myself.
Am I being stingy?
7 responses
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
28 Sep 08
You have to stop lending money to her. Otherwise it's the same as pushing her down the cliff or something. She has to learn to control her spending no matter what. She has to be hold accountable for her own actions and you shouldn't help her out all the time, because in the end it will not help her at all.
So you should talk to her about this and tell her that you won't keep bailing her out.
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
28 Sep 08
I know she will pay me eventually. I just hope everything ends well on her part.
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
28 Sep 08
Yeah, I hope so too, so that you won't have to feel this dilemma again. I understand that it's hard for you to see her like this and you want to help, but you also want to save money for your future and everything.
Well, GOOD LUCK for her then! Hope she gets a good job. :-))))
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
28 Sep 08
I read your responses more clearly to other people's comments. Well, do help her if she's really in that tight situation, but tell her that you can't keep on doing that because you also need to save money for your own future. When she's got a steady income already, then you should stop helping her financially.
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
If your sister is working as hard as she can to keep up with her expenses, and you know that she's not really abusing you... yeah that's being KURIPOT. However, if your sister is a lazy cow, then get rid of her. She's being a parasite if that's the case.
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
27 Sep 08
she's actually looking for another JOB. Her work cut off their hours so it really affected her budget. Especially when they didn't pay for her part time off.
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
2 Oct 08
I know, God is all I need. Because with Him nothing is IMPOSSIBLE.
That's true.
I do feel better helping her, I just don't want to reach a point where I can't help myself.
I have this motto, wherein, if you can't help yourself, how can you help others. Ofcourse you must first supplement the things you need, so you would be able to help others. Agree?
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
15 Dec 08
I don't know what your sister do to earn for living but I believe you are like my brother.
Frankly speaking, I'm now broke and I'm not single, I have 2 children.
My brother doing this job from the internet as freelance designer and it unexpectedly earn him so much. I should say he supported most of my father (car, motorcycle debt, mortgage) and my younger brother school fee.
For my situation he can't lend me money because he also have his duty like I mentioned before. But he tried to listen to my money problems, my stresses, etc so he tried to give me solutions or advice of what to do for my problems.
I'm really grateful that I have him as my brother.
For your case, you should look after yourself 1st before you look after your sist.
If you are not secure how can you help your sister?
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
27 Sep 08
No, you are not being stingy. On the contrary, your sister is abusing your generosity. She obviously is spending way more than she can handle and doesn't just have some money problems. If you feel obligated to support your sister, sit down with her, calculate her income and expenses, determine a budget for her and if it doesn't work out, see what you can add, but it shouldn't get you into debt. That would be foolish.
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
27 Sep 08
I don't want to be selfish! I understand her problems, because I work part time in the same company she works with. and like everywhere else, the company is cutting off their hours. She was expecting to get paid during her part time off, but when she got back from her vacation, the company didn't hand her her paycheck. She was not informed of this. Which really affected her budget. So, I really want to help her. She has 2 kids studying in Philippines, and her husband is here on guam but is unbale to work because he just has a tourist visa...
He left his work in the Philippines to be with her. So I can't balme them if they have money problems..
I can't say no, because I want to help them.. I'm so confused.
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
Nope, you're not being stingy. You have a point there. Money is so hard to earn these days. You really have to watch out or else before you know it, you no longer have money in the bank. Why dont you tell your sister that you're also having financial difficulties and you need to cut back on your spending. I know you're single and you feel the urge to help out any way you can. But you have your own bills to pay and your own obligations. Have a serious talk with her.
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
28 Sep 08
I made a list of the money she owes me, and I showed it to her. She came home joking around if i could treat her for a cookie and coffee. I said, I have no more money left in my account. Because she borrowed what was supposed to be my spending money. Its ok, I was just gonna buy new clothes for me to wear at work. I only have 2 black pants and I'm getting tired of wearing it every time I work, plus they're getting worn out. LOL. But it can wait. I can see how financially affected my sister is. Obligated or not, I think its in ones instinct to help out.
@easysidemoney (199)
• United States
27 Sep 08
no ur not, u did wat u needed to do for ur money, she should be able to provide for herself, u have no obligation to help her out, anything u do is generous
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
28 Sep 08
thank you for pointing that out. I don't want to think that I am being stingy. She is lucky that I don't have a family to provide for. I just want to help her because the company she's working for failed to pay her for her PART TIME OFF. They did not inform her, when she got back from her vacation, the amount that was left for her paycheck went to her tax and health insurance.
One paycheck really has a big impact on ones budget.
@Jxbutler (35)
•
27 Sep 08
Not stingy at all.
I have the utmost respect for your selflessness and generosity, but saving one person from financial difficulty only to put another into it doesn't solve the problem, but merely passes it on.
As previously stated, sit down with her and discuss her options. Calculate her income and expenses then see how you can help. But help only where and IF you can.
Best of luck to you friend.
