I was ticked at my son! But, I love him so, I forgive him!
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
United States
October 1, 2008 3:44pm CST
My son had a hernia surgery yesterday! The Surgery went Fine and he is healing fine!
But sense he lives in another state he told me a few days ago that his surgery date got changed from 9/30/08 to 11/01/08. So he had the surgery and I never knew that he was in surgery.. He said that he wanted to just get the surgery so that I would not worry and call me when it was over...
I would not have worried anymore then any other mom. I know that he thought that he was helping somehow. But I really would have liked to know.
What would you do if your son/daughter did this?
Has any of you kids ever done this?
How do you think that you would re-act?
10 people like this
17 responses
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
4 Oct 08
He called today he is still having pain, but sounds better!
2 people like this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
1 Oct 08
I can understand his thoughts of not telling you the change and worrying you even further. I domn't think it would be anymore of a problem than before if my children did the same. I did this with dad as far as my other siblings. I told them the date of surgery but never told them right away that it was done. I tol;d them at the time there was to be biopsies of the tumors removed etc. So I think they knew I would wait until the results of the biopsies. All told they were informed after the Dr appointment and the results of the biopsies withoput a word from them complaining etc.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
3 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Well he knew that I had not been feeling good. I guess that he thought that I did not need the extra stress!
Love the little bugger!
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Oct 08
well I think he was thinking of you and didn't want you to worry for nothing especially because he is in another state, so in this situation I think it was a good thing he did. Put your pride away, or what it is that makes you feel you should know (I am not faulting you I know I am a mother too) and think of it from his point of view, and how he was thinking of you, even though on the surface it looks like he was neglecting you, in his point of view he was not.
At first I would have felt why did he hide that from me, and then I would sit down and think yes I see why he did he really is a good caring kid.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Oct 08
I am so happy you see that I was not criticizing you I was so worried that you would think that.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Yes can't hold any of it against him all that long.. He is good!
2 people like this
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
2 Oct 08
I understand that you want to know ahead of time but I can understand why he did it that way because I did the same exact thing too. I had the same surgery and did not tell my mother until after it was over so she would not worry. Your right though, your going to worry either way. I hope he is feeling better and I wish him a full and speedy recovery.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
He is in pain now. Poor Guy. Nothing I can do for him. I will see him next week he is coming to Ohio from North Carolina for his brothers wedding.
I am the mama I have a right to worry!
1 person likes this
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
2 Oct 08
If he had the surgery yesterday is he suppose to make a trip so soon?
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Well that is the plan so far. His friend will do most of the driving! I sure hope that he can make, i only have the 2 sons, it would be a shame if the only sibling he has would not be there!
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
1 Oct 08
My daughters wouldn't do this, but I can see my son doing it.Here is something my son did, he moved, without telling us..Yep, the only reason we knew is my husband happen to stop by where my son and his roommate lived and they were cleaning the apartment after having everything moved out..If my husband didn't stop by that day, we would not have known that he moved and that he moved to a complete different city, 50 miles south..
Good that you forgive your son, I am sure he just didn't want you to worry and he is doing fine, correct?
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Hi Carmel! (I have a sister named Carmel by the way) he is doing ok, he had a umbilical hernia so they went in through his belly button. He is in pain but healing! I did not get any daughters. But UI do think that sons think different then daughters!
2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Actually Carmel isn't my real name, at least not in English..And yes, boys are definitely different than girls, but to move away without saying anything, his little sister and brother were not too happy either..Glad to hear your son is fine, yes he will be in pain for a while, but once he is healed, it will be only a memory..
2 people like this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
1 Oct 08
My children have always told us about a surgery whether it was them or their children. The hernia surgery I wouldn't have worried about since it's an outpatient surgery. We went with my husband's brother and his wife when he had the surgery - in fact 3 hernias repaired that morning and he did fine.
I've always told everyone when I was having surgery, too. But I have a brother whose wife had a cancer operation that we knew absolutely nothing about. He never even told my Mother who was in her late 80's at the time. He thought he would 'keep her from worrying'. Well, when they didn't ever come up to my Mother's, she worried more! So I called and said something to him, and he went right up there and told her and she called to tell us what had been going on for about 9 months. Now, he lives in the same town as my Mother! I was shocked! We always tell her. I think it's more important to let an older person know than to keep them in the dark. They worry much more that way.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Yes, 3 is a lot. He thought he only had two until they got there. My husband has one he's had for ages and I can't get him to go back. He knew about it when he he had gall bladder surgery. I thought he'd go back quickly and have that repaired, but he knows he'd be off work awhile and doesn't think he can do it right now.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Wow 3 hernias at once. That is a lot.
He said he did not want me to worry. I said I am not worried..kids...
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Good on him for being brave and being able to do that on his own, but I would of been a little ticked off if he didn't tell me. I know he's a grown boy but still, even if I couldn't be there, I would of liked to have known.
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Yes I would have liked to have known, But what can I do now!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
2 Oct 08
I think I would react the same way as you did. I would be ticked since he didn't even tell me that the dates were changed. Mothers always want the feeling of 'caring' for their kids, and I think that would certainly be hurtful (not being able to take care of him) but I guess it quite made me feel proud, because the son wanted you not to feel the worry during the surgery, it's quite sensitive of him to do so.
=)
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Well, the lie was that he said the date was changed an it wasn't,,, kids,
1 person likes this
@qianlizhifeng (468)
• China
2 Oct 08
First of all ,congratulations to you for you have a great and healthy son!
Well ,if I were you ,I would first got worried on his his health,and then got angry ,and last return happy ,just as you write here.What I want to add here is that the son should not keep the whole affair a secret,when it was going on .Otherwise if something unexpectable took place ,the mother must got more worried.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Thank you very much!Well he tried to prevent me from worrying.,. now I am wondering how often does he lie to me,,,,
1 person likes this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I can't say much, we do that to our parents sometimes. If it is a small insignificant surgery we have delayed telling them until it was over. Mainly because we have some reletives that, when they know we are going through something, always comes to "visit" or to "Help out" but are there to just take things and takes advantage. Then they stir things up so bad that it stresses us out.
I am sure that is not the reason with your son, but that is our situation. Perhaps he has seen you to be too much of a worrier. If that is the case he reasoned "If she worries she will make herself sick, so if I wait until it is over she will just be mad, which won't make her sick and I know she forgives me." To me that makes PERFECT sense. Of course that is just me.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Yes, it is different f I with-hold this kind of information from my mom, she always over reacts. I don't really think that I do!
I get concerned and ask some questions that it about it,, I don't start crying like my mom does.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Oct 08
hi louiseknittel I would probably have felt just like
'youdid. My son has never done that to me but if he had I would have been a bit upset. I dont like him to spare me bad news but
just tell me outright. I would have also worried a bit but would know it would all come out alright.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Hey if you would like you can just call me Louise!
I would have liked the truth a lot better!
1 person likes this
@commanderxo (1494)
• Canada
2 Oct 08
Chances are, he didn't want you to worry or get over emotional about the whole thing. I wouldn't feel too bad about it. He WAS thinking of YOU. It was all in the best of love's intentions, I'm sure.
Just send him kisses and best wishes. After he heals up....then spank him.
(just kidding)
Cheers;
cdrxo
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
3 Oct 08
That is what he said that he did not want me to worry,I like the squeezing him till he is unconscious idea! LOL
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
1 Oct 08
I think sometimes, they know we worry about them, even when they are doing well. They just don't want us to worry MORE, so they don't tell us things that we think they should.
My kids have not done anything like that, but then again, they both live here so, I would know what was going on, anyway. They also know that if they weren't geographically as close as they are, that I would be where ever they lived as soon as I could pack a bag and get there, even AFTER the fact.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
His best friend is there taking care of him.. He is doing good. I cannot afford to take the trip. So I will be just praying for him. I will see him when he gets to town his brother is getting Married on the 10th..
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I am sure your prayers will do him more good than anything else. He knows you are praying for him , and I am sure that will speed his recovery as well.
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I am sure that i would be very upset if any of my children did this, at first, anyway. I think after I had time to think about it, I would understand his or her reasoning for it. He probably was not as concerned with this surgery as you were. Maybe he does not understand the risks associated with being under general anesthesia, maybe he just felt like he had to do it alone.
I could never have any kind of surgery without telling my family. As a matter of fact, my Mother has always been there when I did have any kind of surgery. And my Dad has always been just a call away. Normally sitting with my kids while I was not there.
Your son thought he was protecting you from worry, I am sure he meant no harm.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
True, he is protecting me. He is good. I still want him to know that I want to know from now on!
1 person likes this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Well, his way of thinking was, I had not been feeling good and did not know why I am not feeling good,. so he did not want me to worry.!
1 person likes this
@tushark1 (117)
• India
2 Oct 08
I am not in that age that i will think of this. But in one way if we think then we should understand that your son get great confident to face this world and you should be proud and you are so lucky that you have such great son who do not want to give or see in trouble.
1 person likes this
@sircharles (3)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I would probably be mad also but understand that he didn't want me to worry so i would get over it and be grateful that all is well.
2 people like this
@LouiseKnittel (4764)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I am so glad that it all went well, I wish he was not in pain!
1 person likes this