ABORTION: Would you tell?!?

If you can't tell the person you are going to marry about all the major things in your past, then he's not the one for you. You need to clear the air of all your baggage. Obviously, not every tiny detail. But an abortion is a major event in a person's life whether they regret it or not. Whether they believe they did something wrong or not. I can't believe anyone would be as heartless as to believe it was a simple medical procedure whether you are pro-choice or not.

First of all, I don't think men should have any say in what a woman does with her body unless it's his own child she's planning on aborting. I am pro choice, and would probably never choose a partner who was against abortion. That is a big issue and I would rather have someone who agrees with me on the important issues instead of wanting to debate over these things all the time, so I'd never be in a position to have to confess to someone who thought it was wrong. But I have done things in my past that I'm ashamed of, and I did tell my husband of them, even before we began dating. My past is a part of who I am today, and when you're serious about someone, they should know those things. You can't expect to have a healthy relationship if you keep secrets of any sort.

i personally would prolly leave the person in question. not over a past deed before knowing them, but just the basic differences of ethics and ideals which do matter in a relationship. if two people dont share a similar mindset of certain things of importance, the relationship is pretty assuredly doomed to failure.. so knowing them ahead of time and attempting to stay in it anyway.. would be folly.

As a guy, this isn't a real issue from a first person perspective. If you are going out with someone who has a strong opinion on the issue of abortion, you probably should look elsewhere. You might love them, of course, but if you've had an abortion you have two options. 1) Tell them and face rejection. 2) Don't tell them and keep a secret you are afraid to share with them. (For fear they wouldn't want you.) I don't like abortion personally, but I would probably let what someone did in the past slide.

I think being honest upfront would be best. Everyone makes mistakes. I had one when i was younger. But now im against them. But like i said everyone makes mistakes. I think he would understand if you told him why you did it. Im sure you had good reason at the time. It would be better to tell now than if you hold the secret and he later finds out somehow.

The past is the past, I have a kid which i never met, and I never hide it. I told her I had a kid so when the time comes that my kid came looking for me, she won't be shocked. As for abortion, I'm totally against it, but if my significant other told me she had one before, I would accept it because love is unconditional. you should be happy that she is honest about it and not know it from somebody else.

I am against abortions however I do not condemn those women who has taken this decision. Who am I to judge them? However I do condemn abortion and consider it as a killing of an unborn baby. No I wont' leave a person for something she did before. I would prefer to know the whole truth.

It isn't any of his business what I did before I met him. But then again if I met a pro life guy , I would tell him in our first meeting that I am pro choice and I Never want kids and I would leave it up to him if he wants to see me again or not.

On contrary to the response which was marked best response by the author. I don't think I'd do the same. Yes, past is past, but these are the very foundation of who we are and these 'skeletons in our closet' could break what we have if let loose by someone else. Just imagine how you'd feel if you walked down the road with the one you love then suddenly someone from the past comes along (of course, you have to introduce them) then talks about something in the past in front of your present love. Wouldn't that be an awkward moment on his part? Not knowing what the person was talking about? It's somewhat humiliating because it simply shows that he doesn't really know you that well. So, for me, I would tell him if I did have a abortion. But I wouldn't go out telling the guy the first date we have. It should take a lot of time first. I'd see to it that whoever the guy is, he should know before serious commitments are fast approaching. I'm a firm believer that it will always be better for him to find out from you than him to find out from others. Just take the example of the 'best responder' where the father inlaw (after being told of a past secret) flew away like birds in flight, but sooner or later returned and spent the next 25years together. At least, that time around, he was sure of his decision, plus for the girl, she was sure that nothing could ever shake the relationship and that she could be 100% honest and he'd not leave. I guess everyone has different opinions, but I stick by that. I will tell him, it would be a tough thing to do, but I will. Better feel the hurt now, than suffer the consequence down the road.

I wouldn't see the need for her to tell me. That is one of those thing from the past that is none of my business. I was not around, so it wasn't my child. I would have no right to hold that against her. I really wouldn't care if she told me or not.

In the first place I have nothing to hide because I'm a conservative person I will not allow myself get into a situation which will lead me to abortion afterwards.I will not go to bed with a man I'm not married.

I would said is good to tell, but only to the one we love. For me, that's very sensitive and why should let other people know about that. One of the reason is because we must be frank and truth to our partner. It is hard and difficult to express that, but would strongly suggest to tell that. Because when the other half know it from other person, that's going to be a disaster for the relationship. So. better be truth all the time.

It is your choice but if the two of you ever decide to have children together it will be something that is brought up in prenatal visits. This is something that OB's need to know to provide you quality care, so unless you do plan on having children with him it really is your personal matter not his.

By the number of responses, we can see how important this discussion is. Speaking from a mans perspective, I would have to respect the wishes of the woman I'm with. I would hope that if she needed to talk to me about anything, I would be smart enough to realize the importance of her need for me to listen and not be judgmental. If she chose not to tell me, then I would not know the difference. I have known women who have experienced the difficult choice, and I have known those who have had an abortion. At some level, it has always impacted emotionally and manifested in different ways. I have been told this by a very close female friend, and by a woman I was in a relationship with. The need to talk in each case seemed to come from a need to know that they were not bad people because of the choice they were confronted with and made. That they were not selfish or did not deserve to have a healthy relationship. I never thought less of these women, and felt that I had earned their trust, and they knew I would not violate that trust. So, the choice is the individuals, but if there is a need to talk to someone, for what ever reason, find the true friend, the trusted friend, or if needed, a professional. But, if someone needs to talk, if you are that friend, don't be judgmental. Nothing can be done to change what has already happened. But as a friend who is trusted, alot can be done to help heal.

If the man is your fiance and you're planning on marrying him some time in the future, I'd say you'd want to share that. A future husband has ever right to know everything there is about you, just like you have every right to know everything about him. If you start out keeping secrets at the beginning, it will just be easier to keep them later as well. Not a good idea if you're planning on a forever life together.

What is with this tell all compusion? You are who you are because of your experiences in life. Unless yu are making a life time commitment to this person why discuss this. Are you still hoping for outside approval or disapproval? You made your choice in the past and what ever the reasons were they were important to you then. You can never change that. So let it go unless you are so involved with another that you feel it is necessary information for them to have.

Well, If I would be a woman of course I would tell the Man that I have a previous abortion because if the person Loved you so much or Loved me so much of course i would so that in early time I will know that he/she can accept me for being who I am from the previous time before I meet the person......

I couldn't imagine that. if I had an abortion, I think I would tell nobody but my sisters, because they can give me better advice. I would respect mu fiance' and keep it a secret if he had some better ideas.

if i am his boyfriend, she had to tell me coz i have the right to know it, and because i love her i will accept her.

If I were you, I will tell him. You just have to tell him that you're seriously wronged (or whatever you're thinking that time), and you just had to let go of the baby. You can explain to him that I was wrong when I engaged in ***, but didn't have the financial capabilities to support the child, or since that baby might hinder my growth as an individual. I believe that abortion is valid when you're a student and you know you can never support that baby. Yes, you can think about adoption later on, but sometimes your head is too clouded and you just want to get rid of the baby. But if you did it without remorse and without seriously thinking the pros and cons before doing it, then it's better to hide it to your fiance. Also, I still believe that if the person truly loves you, he will try his best to understand you.