What is something your parents did...
By autismmom2
@autismmom2 (155)
United States
October 3, 2008 6:25am CST
What is something your parents did when you were younger that you will never do with your kids?
For me, it was not being believed, or that something was really bothering me. My father never took my medical complaints serious. I had (and still do) horrible ears. My hearing always tested fine, but it fluctuated (sp?) a lot which caused problems hearing in class. At 24 years old (April of 2008) I had a bilateral myringotomy and PE tubes placed. Now, I have a little boy who will be 4 soon. He has complained of belly pain for as long as he could talk. Everyone and then some told me he was just looking for attention. I don't care. He got the attention. He's had plenty of bloodwork, stool samples, GI Dr visits, and finally an upper endoscopy. Did this tell me he was attention seeking? Not at all. It showed that he has SEVERE silent reflux! Am I glad to be right? No, I wish it had been attention, but I wasn't going to ignore him.
My other one is not being believed that something was as bad as *I* thought it was. Being made fun of in school does NOT make a person stronger, or at least not all of us. I would come home crying that something happened and was just told to get over it, it happens to everyone. NO it doesn't happen to everyone, it was happening to ME. Right now my daughter has been having problems that seem to mimic mine. One child tells her to say something to someone, and of course it makes her look like a fool so they all laugh at her. Instead of telling her to get over it, we talk about it, and I try to offer solutions. If it goes too far, yes I will sit with her teacher. (Our school problems come with the inbred social difficulties of being on the Autism spectrum). I will never, ever let her think no one is there for her, or that no one will help her. I know these issues in 2nd grade are nothing compared to the rest of life, but I also know that right now, these 2nd grade issues to *HER* are the absolute worst issues anyone could ever go though, and I'm here to comfort her.
Besides those crazy parenting techniques, what are some things your parents did or did not do, that you will change with your own children?
3 people like this
6 responses
@sandra966 (269)
• Spain
3 Oct 08
For my husband - it is teasing. He was always teased by his dad, even silly things but as they were constant, it affected him a lot.
He will say things to our children sometimes, but just calling him by his dad's name, makes sure he doesn't do it for long.
@THKOhio (329)
• United States
3 Oct 08
For me, it would be spanking. For my parents, that was their discipline method of choice. I chose never to use it with any of my children, and have managed to hold to that for more than 22 years. We have found other ways of teaching our children right from wrong, without having to get physical with them. Most of the time we have used natural and/or logical consequences to get the point across to them.
Another thing that I have never done with my children is to belittle things they are interested in or passionate about. When I was growing up, writing poetry (from the time I was ten years old), my mother was constantly telling me that I was just wasting paper and that it would never amount to anything. For that reason, until just recently I have kept my writing pretty much to myself rather than sharing it with the world. In contrast, I have encouraged my children in all of their creative pursuits....my son is an artist, my oldest daughter is a writer, and my youngest daughter is both an artist AND a writer. Their talents may not ever be anything more than a hobby for them, but they will always know that Mom thinks they HAVE talent and should use it, even if only for their own enjoyment.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16556)
• India
20 Mar 09
i am not sure,i would want to do anything extra.i will be grateful to myself if i could just follow in their footsteps.i think noone in this world is perfect,i did have some grievances when i was a child but it disappeared as soon as i became a parent.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
We're not having children, but some things apply to life without children too. No matter how FRUSTRATED I get with someone or something, I WILL NOT RAISE MY VOICE!!!!! I can stay calm no matter what happens. I might cry, and let out emotions that way after (I can usually warn my husband of an in-coming mood-swing and he'll know to prepare for it and not take it personally, because I'll still articulate rationally even if I am crying hysterically to LET IT OUT) but i will not yell, or even raise my voice. My Dad sure could BELLOW (still can) and I have VERY SENSITIVE HEARING, and it used to scare the SH!T out of me. I just don't understand why people raise their voices when they're frustrated.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I think there are more things that I "promised myself" I'd never do, but then ended up doing them. Like saying "I hope your kids turn out to be as bad or worse than you are, when you have them!" My mother used to say that.
Of course when I've said it, all 200 times, I always prefaced it with "I promised myself I'd never say this but..." Of course my daughter finally pointed out that I have said it about 200 times already. Needless to say, I haven't said that in a while!
I think the one thing that I DID manage to follow through on was making sure that I tell my children OFTEN that I love them. My parents weren't big on saying "I love you". They weren't big on hugs either. I hugs my kids a LOT when they were little and for a while I thought they were going to outgrow the hugging stage, but at 13 and 16 they still come up to me at random moments and give me a hug.
I promised myself that I wouldn't be as critical as my parents were. I try really hard not to be, but sometimes it's difficult for me to figure out the difference between "being critical" and doing my job as a parent teaching them right from wrong.
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
I was very fortunate in that I had a very lenient upbringing. The downside is that I got away with murder. I was much more strict with my kids because I fully understand what they're capable of.
