I'm best friends with my man's ex-wife...
By Stephanie5
@Stephanie5 (2946)
United States
October 3, 2008 9:57am CST
I'm not sure we are "best friends" but we have been getting along really well lately. We go out to lunch together, she comes over to dinner, we take the kids places together, we just really seem to get along.
The problem is EVERYONE thinks we are crazy! Between me and my old man we have 11 children. He has 5, I have 5 and I have custody of my little brother. She doesn't help me with my children the way I help her with hers, but I've never asked her to. I come to all her kids functions (whether he goes or not), I help take them to soccor practice and cub scouts. My old man works out of state and I take his kids on his weekends even when he's not here.
Another problem is that my old man is furious about our relationship. You would think he would be happy that he and I get to be such a big part of his kids lives, but nooooo. He makes comments that we are like having an affair or something. All the kids are little and it's hard to do anything by yourself. I like having her there for me to talk to, and I think she likes having me. I don't really have any other friends because the kids take up so much time. So, all I have to talk about is kids and she's the perfect one to talk to because some of the kids are hers.
Now, this is going to blow your mind. My old man works out of state with MY ex-husband. They are welders and travel from job to job together, sharing hotel rooms, eating together, and all that. So how can he have a problem with me being friends with her, when he's best friends with him??? It doesn't bother me at all that he gets along with him. I really can't understand what his problem is.
Please tell me your opinions because I'm missing something!!!
1 person likes this
15 responses
@Jandiie (1)
• Papua New Guinea
5 Oct 08
Hi Staph,
What you are doing is great! Dont mind what every one thinks because importantly both of you are not best freinds but a special kind, because of the children and not what both of you experinced with him.
You have a special heart for children other wise the ex wont be your freind. All the man are not the same they are different individuals and all of us have our own expertation thats. am just gussing why your man is giving nagetive comments
1.You are spending more time with the ex and the children then you have with him discussing things
2.spending time with your ex so that you will feel the exact feelings he is going through and not open to you about it
3.Notice both of you dont have a child together,but think about it because it will be the connection between your children and his children
Try take different rout of doing things am sure you will over come that problem. some how all of you have to come to a understanding that what all of you are doing is the best interest for all your children and not you folks.
Remember, there is time for every thing and in life we have to go through it,experince it and learn from it. The solution is in your hand and in every thing you do put our creator (God)first.
Every thing happen for a reason and you will not see it now but later you will thank it.Keep on doing what you know is right!!!!!!
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
6 Oct 08
Hi Jandiie! Thank you so much for your response. Everyone's responses have been great! I really understand what you are trying to say. And you are right! And so am I. And I am going to keep doing what I'm doing because it is what's best for his children and mine. He works out of state, and I'm alone alot. I just had his kids all weekend (8 kids all together this weekend) All by myself! And he is giving me nothing but a hard time! I'm about at my wits end. His ex-wife had no money for food or anything so I bought the kids some groceries and gave her $50 and he's flipping out about it. He hasn't paid child support in months and months. It's HIS fault his kids do without, and I'm not going to let it happen anymore! But he's really giving me a hard time. AHHAHHAHHHHA
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@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
6 Oct 08
By the way... Welcome to myLot!! I hope you like it! I think it's great! I've given you Best Response. Congrats!
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@Trace86 (5030)
• United States
4 Oct 08
I honestly don't even know what to say to that.
I think it is amazing that you and she can be friends for the children's best interests. It is very good for them to see you and their mother getting along. It was very stressful on my stepson that his mother so obviously hated me. He felt conflicted for not hating me.
I think men are just plain weird. That is the only explanation for it to be ok for him to hang out with your ex, but not you to hang out with his ex. Unless there is something important he is not telling you about her.
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
You made a very good point. I think alot of children caught up in divorce are really stressed out about whether or not they are "allowed" to like the new mom and dad figures. That's really sad. People need to stop and think about their kids and get over being afraid that the other person will take their place. Kids know who their parents are!
You brought up another good point. He is afraid that she's telling me things. But, she really isn't. She's not telling me to leave him or anything like that. In fact, she wants me to stay with him because she knows that I take great care of her kids. He has went behind my back and talked to her. And she told me about it. He shouldn't be mad, he should be thankful I still let him live here! lol
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Well thats a tough one and only he knows why it offends him so much. Have you asked him why it makes him feel uncomfortable? Depending on why they ended their divorce it could have something to do with that. I bet if I became bf with my husb ex, he would be pretty upset. Althow thow the one time I met her she tried to fight me and this was years after they broke up and 4 years after we got Married. Do that was weird. Funny he would ask if you are having an affair with her. Is he having an affair with your Ex? I would throw it all back into his court. I would recommend that if you cant find a happy median that you really take a second look at the entire situation. Best to you hun.
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
I have tried to talk to him. It doesn't do any good. He says he understands that he should be grateful and then with the next breath, he's complaining again. I don't know what his problem is. Thank you for responding.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
3 Oct 08
That is weird LOL. I don't think I could ever get along with my husbands ex. she is something ele. she trested him bad and I do not think I could ever be friends with someone like that. If your husbands ex is nice, then I do not see anything wrong with it. Maybe he thinks you will take her side on things or something.
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
I do think he thinks that, but it's ok for him and my ex to gang up on me about things. I have no intentions of telling her his dirty little secrets. I think he's just mad that he can't go behind my back and talk to her. He says it's not, but he's already been caught several times before.
1 person likes this
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
3 Oct 08
I think it sounds like a really healthy way for the kids to see their parents. If all four of you get along that is great and I think great for the kids to see. I guess your husband has some things that he doesn't want you two talking about and I think it involves his performance in the bedroom!
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Omg! I'm still laughing!!! That probably is what he thinks we are talking about, but it's not. I think it's a control thing. Heck, I don't know. He has issues, that's for sure! Thank you for making me laugh! I needed that!
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@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
don't worry i don't see you two crazy....and i have to commend you both for accepting the facts in life...this is absolutely amazing thing to happen because its rare to hear that ex and future are good friends....i think that what you two are doing is just the right thing to do...we cannot bring back the past and so what we can just do is try to make a good thing out of it like being friend with your husbands ex is a great thing you had done...this will have a good effect with the children...they will learn for you two and will develop a good loving family...i think this is great and it will make the kids grow according to what they should be...seeing you two not fighting towards something and getting along well as well as spending the time with kids is nothing wrong....
your husband just wont believe that something like this can happen..because really its not a thing that happens everyday...
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Thank you Angel! Very well said. I'm very happy that we get along. It sure does make things easier! And we get to share EVERYTHING that happens with the kids, it's AWESOME!
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@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
3 Oct 08
I am sure that he feels that yu are sitting around comparing notes and talking about him. It is kind of a strange situation, should I say, it is a very small world.
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
3 Oct 08
[i]Hi Steph,
wow..that is a unique situation..Anyway, I do know what to say because I was thinking also your hubby is happy about this and that you are both helping with each other to raise those kids!
ANyway, maybe you need to talk to him and let him understand about the advantage of your relationship with her ex and it will benefit also to the kids![/i]
2 people like this
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
3 Oct 08
Well, in my opinion, you're doing just fine. There's nothing wrong with being friends with his ex, as long as it's all about the children, and nothing more. I agree, he should be even happy that you both could help each other with the children. He's probably worried that you ladies might be "exchanging notes", talking about him while he's not around. Some people have that insecurity, I guess. Or, probably, he just believes that he should be both your husband, and of course your bestfriend too. I guess, you really have to further explain your thoughts to him. Otherwise, this little problem might just become a serious problem between you and your hubby in the future, and that could make things complicated between the two of you. Just my point of view...
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
He is my best friend. But he's becoming my worst enemy because he talks negative all the time. He needs to realize what a good thing he has and get over his insecurities already!
Thank you for responding.
1 person likes this
@1111appleblossoms (169)
• Canada
3 Oct 08
I think it's great that you get along with her! Your man should be happy that you enjoy his kids as much as your own also and that you're not mean step mother!
that is weird how he's friends with your ex and doesn't see it as a problem, not that it is a problem, I think that's good too.
Maybe, he's worried that you and his ex talk about any faults he may have, that's the only reason I can think of.
Keep on enjoying your freindship and all the kids!
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Oct 08
That's what I was thinking. Maybe he thinks we only talk about him. Well, he needs to get over himself! lol We talk about the kids!
1 person likes this
@glords (2614)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Wow how crazy is that. I think its wonderful that you two are able to keep a good relationship with your ex's. I think that's really important when you have children. Its too bad your hubby is not more supportive of your attempts to have a close relationship with his ex. I think you guys are amazing and it has to be good for the kids too.
@Avi_Gan (191)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
LOL! I find your situation really funny.I think it's good that you have a great relationship with the mother of your stepchildren. Have you watched STEPMOM, the one with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon? I think it's a relevant movie for you and the ex-wife. Maybe, you can watch it together. On the side of your stepchildren , at least they don't have to choose sides, between the two of you, and since you are good friends, as you said, you can talk to each other about the kids and you would know that the children's interest would be first.
About your husband being angry about your relationship with his ex-wife, I think he's just being paranoid... lol.. I think he's thinking that maybe your talking about him behind his back and laughing at him or else sharing a secret joke at his expense. I think that's it! And also, it's always bad for men if women stick together, that's what I think and I think that's what he thinks too.
@xXCsai (9)
• United States
4 Oct 08
wow, this is quite a situation. I guess the real question is:
did they separate on good terms. If not, maybe he is afraid
she is spending this time bad mouthing him from time to time
which could have an overall effect on the way you think of him..
sometimes people get paranoid like that. Other then that, I
think its great that you can involve yourself in their children's
lives without hassle. Alot of people would kill for that chance.
As far as him being good friends with YOUR ex, well there's not
much to say about that since you don't say anything to him about
it, right???? lol good luck - just continue to enjoy it!
2 people like this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Wow...
I couldn't be friends with my Hubby's ex...she's insane and needs to be locked up and I don't see Hubby being friends with my ex-b/f. Your relationship is unusual. I'd suggest you sit down with your husband and see what the problem is. It does seem funny that he's friends with your ex but doesn't want you to be friends with his...maybe he's afraid she'll tell you something you don't know :)
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
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