Getting back into dating ... HELP

How do you know when to pay? so okay I am old fashion I always had the guy pay lol but I do know that in todays world it maybe dutch. I would just see if he picks up the bill if not reach into your purse for the money, at that point if he is a true gentleman then he will say oh no I have this. .. I would think dinners, movies and much other activites would be a date. Have fun and good luck! just one bit of advice do not jump in too quick again. Have fun with it

I'm not even going to read others' responses until I type my own so I'm not influenced by others. ebsharer, there is nothing wrong with you going out on casual dates just so long as you won't have any trouble, legally. Casual dating will be a band-aid to a bruised ego. Does wonders to be told how beautiful you are, and to realize that you are desired. However, I do recommend that you are super clear up front with anyone that is interested in you for a date that you explain you are not looking for anything more than an activity partner (or whatever you want). You do need the time to heal from the broken marriage. As for paying, I'm soooo grateful I live in the South as a woman. But, in essence, dating rules roll something like this: Whomever initiates the date, pays. 1. If dating a person, as a female, it is nice to 1/3-1/5 of the time to pay. 2. While accepting the date, figure out the best way for you to be clear about whom is paying. I usually say, "Oh, yes. I would love to go to the Aquarium with you. Is this your treat or mine?" This way if they wanted Dutch, I know. And if they asked me out and say, "Your treat" I know that they will probably wish to leech as much money from me as possible. Once again, it's a Southern thing. 3. Do not accept a "last minute date". OK let me explain this. If it is after Wed, let us say, 8p, and you get called for a Fri nite date, the answer is, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I have plans that night. I wish you had called earlier." This works on a few levels. a) You aren't waiting around for a life, you have one. b) Prompts the "Sperm Competition" in males. That is to say, "Oooh other's desire her. I want this prize." Like it or not, our base instincts are there. And if it's someone you do want to date, indicate, "Well, I'm free (day). What about then?" 4. You are a beautiful, wonderful person ebsharer. You deserve better than a Mon-Wed night date, barring any special events or once you are dating a person regularly. Those nights are reserved for, "Oh well, yeah...she's OK. I'm bored so I figured I'd take her out then. But I'm saving the real date nights for someone better." 5. Don't meet up for drinks for a first date. People say and do the stupidest things.... 6. Arranging for friends to "accidentally" bump into you while on any of the first three dates is bad. The amount of pressure this puts on the other person is daunting. Plus the pressure on you. What if you really like the person but he is wearing blue and your best friend hates blue? 7. When first coming out of a relationship that had any substance, do fun things that are casual. Go for coffee. Go to the zoo. Picnic in the park. 8. Don't date. OK this sounds odd after all this, but do more of a "hang out" rather than that all pressure/formal date thing. See #7 for ideas. 9. While the idea of him picking you up from your home is romantic in theory, don't. Meet in a public place at a designated time. What if he is a really clingy guy that you just don't hit it off with? Or worse. 10. Keep some mystery. That is to say, if you are out of a one night stand, let it all go. Otherwise, spilling one's guts and having the other person know every intimate detail about you can be...off setting to say the least. Humans are curious by nature. It's how we managed to thrive as a species. Keep him wanting more. Hold back just a little. ;) And when you touch on negative aspects of your life/past, phrase things as positive as possible. 11. Before meeting your date, be sure you tell at least two trusted people. It's just like back when you were a teen and Mum wanted to know who, what, where and for how long. Also, should you hit things off well with the person and say decide you wish to talk more or extend the date for whatever reason, that you contact your two trusted people so they don't worry about you. 12. Cellphone. Carry one with you. For a few reasons. Let's start with the first date. a) Out clause. Have a friend give you a ring around a designated time. If things are horrible, you can "happen" to be digging in your purse for something and see that there was or is a call. Then, "Oh no! I have to dash. I'm very sorry. I had a lovely time. I will call you." Code for, "No thanks." b)Any other emergency such as car breaking down, your date is a weirdo, etc. c) Ringer off. Don't answer. It is so unbelievably rude to do so. Basically it is saying, "No matter who it is on the other end, they are 100% more important than you, your time, etc." Oh, and ditch him if he answers his unless he has an Emergency Related Job or kids. And it had better be one of those two when he answers. Now, for regular dating. a)All the above reasons. b) Dependant upon how long you two have been dating will determine how relaxed you get about answering calls. 13. Calls after date...this gets tricky. I recommend for a Fri nite date, contacting late Sun afternoon if by email or text message ONLY, "Had fun the other nite! Thanks". Mon if calling. Add a day if a Sat date. If playing "hard to get", and he calls the next day/nite. Don't answer. But return his call within six hours. You don't want to seem that unavailable. LOL As for what to say, well, keep it short and sweet. "Just calling to say that I had a great time (day). I really enjoyed (aspect)." Then shush. Let him talk. If he talks and agrees, once he is done show your availablity to another date with something as casual and simple as, "We should get together again soon. Maybe (activity)? Let me know OK?" Shush again. If his response is positive (tone and words) then it's time to be mystery woman and toss that ball in his court. "OK well, I have to go now. Give me a call OK?" Shush. His response. Your response is now "Have a great (night/day)! Goodbye." And hang up the phone once you two have said your sign offs. So balls in his court. You aren't pushy. You have shown interest. If he choses to not call, his loss. And you have to have that attitude. If he calls back a month later...forget it. He's "The Vanishing Man". Let me think....there is so much more but MyLot keeps freezing up because I put so much in here. If I think of anything else, or you want anything explained more, etc. Just let me know hun. *hugs*

then get a hobby! seriously, if you feel that you need to date, just go out for coffee or stuff like that. take turns paying so no one feels obligated to pay for it. group dating is a great idea because it is casual.

I think if you feel you are ready it is never too soon. I cant really help you but I just want to say good luck and I hope that you find someone really special. I have been single for a year now and I have been asked out alot. I am planning on going out again soon. anyway good luck.